


The Memories We Choose to Keep

by TheManicWriter



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Torture, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gen, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, My First AO3 Post, Slow Burn, Smut, Violence, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:26:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 88,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23203180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheManicWriter/pseuds/TheManicWriter
Summary: Kira has lived a long and unfortunate life. She has both the Lamb and the Beast within her. The Lamb allows her to heal otherwise fatal wounds and the Beast heightens her senses, giving her razor-sharp claws and canines. She has been captured for a century, undergoing torture and experiments. She gets rescued by the Avengers, but is she truly free? A certain super solider wants nothing more but to help her, but how could she trust him? Her faith in humanity was snubbed out a long time ago. The Lamb pulls her towards the team but the Beast pushes her away. Kira knows better than anyone that nothing is truly as it seems.
Relationships: Avengers Team/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Sam Wilson (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), Tony Stark/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 53
Kudos: 127





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this chapter is pretty short, but I was excited to post it. I didn't want to give too much away in the first chapter, so if you're confused, the next chapter should hopefully clear some things up. Here's to the start of Kira's journey!

Slow and deliberate footsteps echoed through the dimly-lit hallway on their way to my cage. I winced as the low hum of the electrified bars vanished, signaling a visitor. I bristled at the scent growing closer, a mixture of metal and turpentine, as my pupils automatically morphed into slits. My senses grew sharper and I had to force my claws to stay within my fingertips. It was Father.

“Good morning, my little Schatz,” I could hear his smirk on his lips as his footsteps echoed louder in the large room.

I squeezed my legs tighter, hugging them to my chest as I sat on the cold cement floor. I waited for his footsteps to stop at the door of my cage before looking up at him. His eyes were fixed on me, cold and dark. I couldn’t help the tired sigh that escaped me when I saw the corners of his mouth slightly pulled upward.

“Doctor wants to see me?” I spoke, my voice rough and foreign to my ears.

He broke out into a grin, his snaggle tooth on full display. I fought against the Beast inside me; I wanted nothing more than to dig my claws into his face, wiping that smirk off of him permanently. But memories of searing and unrelenting pain flashed through my mind and I whimpered, flinching again.

“Arm,” Father’s sudden sharp voice told me he was growing bored of our interaction. I dropped my shoulders and crawled towards where he was crouching down on the other side of the bars. He pulled out a large syringe and as soon as my hand got close enough, he grabbed me and wrenched me closer. I grunted as my body hit the hard bars, his grip so tight I knew it would leave a bruise. _Yet another bruise I can’t afford to heal._ I thought bitterly, grimacing as he stabbed the needle roughly into my vein on my arm.

I gritted my teeth as the burning liquid was pumped into my veins, snatching my arm away from him as soon as the syringe was empty. I retreated back to the middle of my cage, curling into myself. I knew from experience that the drug would knock me out within minutes, and I would stay out for a few hours. Long enough for them to strap me to a table to perform whatever experiment the Doctor came up with.

“Don’t worry, my little Schatz. I have another mission coming up for you,” Father straightened up and cracked his knuckles, “Doctor will not harm you this time…too bad at least.”

With that, he barked out laughter and turned on his heels to leave the room. The heavy metal door clanked shut behind him and the bars started humming again. My head started to swim and my vision started to become fuzzy. I tucked my head between my knees. I was so tired. I tried to think of memories to ground me. I have been alive for over a century, yet I have so few happy memories.

Distant gunshots and yelling ran through my hazy mind. I closed my eyes and allowed my body to slump to the ground. I heard explosions and more gun fire but it all sounded so far away. So far away. I exhaled as I slipped into darkness.

….

_I sat on the edge of the porch, swinging my legs over the side. The tall grass reached up and tickled my toes as a gentle breeze passed through. The windchimes tinkled, singing an angelic song. I lifted my head to bask in the sunlight._

_“Hey Gran?” I glanced over at the figure sitting on a rocking chair behind me._

_“Hmm?” She looked up from the blanket she was knitting._

_I looked back over the fields, to the tall grass that was dancing. It looked like an ocean of emerald green._

_“Do you ever want to commit a moment to memory?” I mused, “To etch it into your memory so that you never forget it?”_

_I heard her breathe out a laugh and without looking at her, I knew she wore a smile._

_“Of course. Why do you ask, Lamb?”_

_I smiled, “I think this moment is one of them.”_

…..

\--gave her enough tranquilizer for four adults, of course I’m surprised she’s alive.”

My consciousness slowly crept back to me as I focused on that voice. The man sounded concerned. _Concerned?_ I inhaled sharply and my senses were flooded with new scents. Everything and everyone smelled unfamiliar. Panic coursed through me, but I willed my eyes to stay shut and my body to stay relaxed. I had to gather my bearings first. Then, a familiar scent reached my senses.

“How’s she doing?” A gruff voice emerged to my right.

_Winter?_

“She’s still breathing, her pulse is faint,” the concerned man spoke, “Hopefully once the sedatives get out of her system, she’ll wake up naturally. I can imagine you guys have some questions for her. Her blood results haven’t come back yet, but I can’t imagine why Hydra would be keeping her and testing her if she was normal.”

There was a long pause and I felt the men’s eyes on me before the third man spoke.

“No need to get your snowflake panties in a wad, Tin-man,” He said, trying to ease the tension in the room, “She’ll wake up eventually and you’ll get to ask all about her probably sordid past.”

The phrase “sordid past” triggered flashes of memories to run through my mind, bringing me out of the distraction of them talking and back into my current situation. I was not at a Hydra base. I was not in my cage. Father was nowhere to be found. I didn’t leave by my own actions, but I knew I was going to get blamed. My thoughts raced and I couldn’t stop the reflex of my claws growing out of my fingertips underneath my nails. I was going to get punished.

My eyes snapped open, my pupils in slits. I was on a hospital bed with a hospital gown on. I sat up, ripping out the IV in my arm as the three men jumped. I glanced at each of them for less than a second each. The concerned man was short and had a clipboard in his hands. The next man was the one who addressed Winter. He was slightly taller and had a light shining underneath his simple gray shirt. My eyes snapped to Winter. His metal arm looked different, sleeker, it looked like he upgraded it. His hair was still long, but it didn’t hang in his face as he had it gathered in a small bun at the base of his neck.

“Winter?” I heard my voice say out loud.

The air in the room tensed and he bristled at the name. I looked in his eyes as he stared at me with shock and apprehension. His eyes weren’t cold. In fact, they danced with emotions.

He wasn’t Winter. Not anymore.

I sprung off of the bed quicker than any of the men could react. I dove onto the floor on all fours, tore across the room and through the door. I turned right in the hallway, blindly searching for an exit. I heard heavy footsteps behind me but didn’t dare look as I dug my claws into the floor as I ran, propelling myself further and faster. I panted as I took a right down another corridor. I made more rights and lefts, the only command echoing in my mind was “run”. I heard yelling behind me and was tempted to glance back to see how close they were before a figure came into sight towards the end of the hallway. A large man wearing grey sweatpants and a white shirt was running towards me with a circular and patriotic shield on one arm.

“Stop! I don’t want to hurt you,” He yelled in a firm voice.

If I wasn’t in a Beast state-of-mind, I would have snorted. Of course they say that, everyone says that. Has it ever been true?

I noticed another hallway open up on the left in the middle of us and sped up to make it there before him. He noticed my eyes glance at the opening and pressed on faster as well. I felt a growl escape my lips as I had no time to slow down to make the turn. At the last second, I dove onto the right wall of the hallway, sinking the claws on my feet into the wall before pushing off of it and launching myself into the opening. He was hot on my heels and I quickly realized my mistake.

It was not an opening into a hallway, it was an opening into a large room. A room that had no other exits. One side of the room was made of windows and I could see that we were in a tower, high above a city. My heart sank. I whipped around, claws and fangs out. I was going to have to fight. Panic coursed through me and fueled the low rumble of a growl that left my lips.

“You’re okay,” The man with the shield stated from the doorway, approaching you slowly.

It didn’t take long for others to join him. The man who used to be Winter and a red-headed woman dressed in a black combat suit. I could sense their fear and confusion.

“Let me go,” I snarled, “I will kill you all.”

“We can’t do that,” Not-Winter spoke from slightly behind the man, “But you’re safe here. Hydra can’t get you here, I promise.”

His words were spoken as if I were a bomb about to go off. I looked at him for a moment. _Safe?_ My stomach churned at the word.

“Father will find me,” I stated and crouched into a fighting stance.

He shook his head, “No, they won’t,” He took a step towards me, testing me.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but they can’t get you here. We have an entire team; we’ll protect you,” his words seemed desperate, desperate for me to believe them.

I sneered, “Protect me, but I’m not allowed to leave? That deal sounds familiar.”

I lunged at the man holding the shield. The woman quickly removed the gun from her waist and shot me. The pain was dulled but I was right in assuming that she was a good shot. The bullet went right through my heart and exited my back at my left shoulder blade. I crumpled to the thinly carpeted floor and shut my eyes.

“Nat?!” Not-Winter yelled and crouched down beside me.

“What? She was going for Steve. You heard her, she wanted to kill us,” The red-head, Nat, responded.

“Did I miss the party?” A slightly robotic version of one of the hospital room’s men entered the room.

I felt two fingers being pressed to my neck.

“Uh, guys?” Not-Winter’s voice said before I jumped back into action.

I grabbed his hand and sprung up, twisting it behind him, pulling his back flush against my front, and placed my fingertips onto his neck. The others went to move towards us, but stopped when they saw where my fingers were, remembering the claws I willingly showed them moments before.

“Keep your distance or I’ll rip his throat out.”

I noticed that the newest arrival was in a metal suit. I vaguely recognized it as Iron Man, people are Hydra have talked about him before. Panic struck through me again as I realized that these people, this “team” were the Avengers. Father hated them.

“Hey,” The man I was holding hostage croaked out, “What’s your name?”

I glared at him but said nothing as I inched us closer to the opening of the room.

“I’m Bucky.”

I stopped and frowned. _Bucky?_

“I know-I know you recognize me as someone else. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you, but I’m not that person anymore,” He pleaded.

I kept my eyes trained on the others as I heard footsteps coming down the hall to the room.

Another person emerged, “Woah, what’d happening here?”

“Sam, for once just shut up,” Nat groaned.

“Everyone, go. Leave me and…her alone for now,” Bucky said, his frustration creeping through.

“Absolutely not,” The shield man, or Steve, said sternly.

After some back and forth arguing, Steve and the others relented and left. Though I know they didn’t retreat too far away. I had to focus to find a way out. Bucky tried to make light conversation, but I ignored it. I was going to face so much pain when I got back to Hydra. I looked up at the ceiling, but the vents were too small and the ceiling wasn’t tiled so I couldn’t crawl up into it. My energy was low from healing the gunshot wound, of which the blood from it was starting to dry. I know that there were more members in the Avengers and I’m sure there were too many for me to fight.

“Winter,” I started and Bucky winced, “never hurt me.”

I could tell this confused him but he also seemed to be relieved. Now it was my turn to talk without him saying anything in response.

“I realize you believe that you helped me by bringing me here,” I tried to keep my voice level, “But Hydra has had me for over a century. They will not rest until I am back with them. And when they find me…”

My voice trailed off. No words could adequately describe what they will do to me. I had only escaped once before and it resulted in the most painful experiences in my life, and even then, I didn’t escape into the hands of their enemies. I was so tired. So tired of hurting.

“No one here is going to let them take you back,” Bucky’s voice sounded confident, but he was naïve.

I closed my eyes and breathed in. Despite my urges not to, I released Bucky, my arms dangling by my sides. To my surprise, he didn’t move far before turning around to meet my eyes. There was relief in them. He thought I was giving in.

I couldn’t give in. But I also couldn’t go back. I couldn’t live. But I also couldn’t die. Human touch is something a person should crave and be comforted by. By human touch has ripped me apart, only for me to heal myself and for them to do it again. Even now, even after all this time and after all my life lessons, I wanted nothing more than to trust Bucky, trust someone. To feel someone without my skin crawling and echoes of past pain coursing through my nerves. For a moment, I looked at him and watched his brows furrow. I wondered if he could hear my thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed in again instinctively, breathing in his scent, “I’m tired.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but I had already turned around. I bolted towards the windows, tucking my head into my shoulder and rammed into a windowpane. For a split second, I was worried that I didn’t have enough momentum to break it, but I felt the glass give in before suddenly disappearing, shattering all around me. And then there was nothing but air. My hair whipped around my face as I fell facing up. I relaxed my limbs around me and closed my eyes, hoping that a fall of this size would be enough to end it.

Will I be free? Will the long-rusted chains that tethered me to this earth finally be shattered? Maybe I’ll join Gran. I was jolted out of my thoughts as I hit something hard. I frowned, this couldn’t be the ground. A second later, I opened my eyes to find myself in the arms of Iron Man. Anger fueled me as I immediately attacked his suit.

“Let me GO!” I roared as my claws tore into his suit.

“No can do, Beastly,” He grunted as he tried to maintain his hold on me as we were currently flying back upwards.

He fumbled with a syringe for a few seconds before plunging it into my side. I yelped and growled. I bit down on his chest, ripping a chunk of metal off of it. I faltered as the drugs he injected quickly took effect.

“Please,” I whimpered and I noticed his face mask glancing down at me before everything fell into darkness once again.


	2. She was the One Screaming

I jolted upright; my body covered in a thin layer of cool sweat. My scanned my surroundings as my senses took in as much information as I could. _In a room, on a bed. Not bound. Three white walls, fourth wall is one big window?_ I narrowed my eyes at the glimmering surface. _Not glass. Force field?_ My eyes then fell on a metal door on the wall opposite of the bed. I breathed in, but I couldn’t detect any scents, even though I knew there had to be people near.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” A familiar voice broke my focus.

I snapped my eyes towards the translucent wall. He was no longer in his robotic suit.

“What do you want?” my voice was surprisingly firm.

He seemed to ponder my question before responding, “I suppose you don’t have a couple hundred thousand dollars on you to repair the damage you did to my suit – my favorite suit, I might add?”

I hugged my knees and focused on my toes, not responding. I debated in my mind on what to do next. I could pretend to warm up to them and earn some freedom to escape. I glanced at one of the walls. I wondered if I could slice through them.

He cleared his throat, was he still talking?

“My name is Tony, by the way. Tony Stark,” He said it like I should recognize his name.

I flickered my gaze to him, before returning to my toes.

\--3rd Person POV--

Tony heaved a sigh as he closed the door behind him, immediately met with expectant stares from the people standing in the hallway.

“She’s apparently immune to charm,” he declared, clasping his hands together.

“Did she say anything?” Steve prompted as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“She asked what I wanted.”

“And you said?” Natasha spoke up.

“Apparently she’s also immune to sarcasm,” Tony grumbled.

Groans and sounds of annoyance rippled through the group. Bucky continued staring at his feet, his arms crossed like Steve. He wasn’t surprised Tony couldn’t convince her to talk and he wasn’t sure why he was chosen to try first.

“So what you’re saying is, you didn’t even try,” Clint concluded and shifted his weight to lean on the wall.

Steve cleared his throat as Tony opened his mouth to defend himself.

“Why don’t we give her some space until Wanda gets here. We don’t want to get her riled up again, who knows what else she can do.”

The group nodded, though some grumbled, and dispersed, leaving Bucky and Steve standing in the hallway. Steve looked at his old friend and could practically hear his thoughts as he glanced towards the room.

“I wouldn’t get too attached, Buck,” Steve said in a low voice.

Bucky shifted his feet, “I’m not. I just…can understand, you know?”

“We don’t know what side she’s on. Tony still hasn’t decoded her file from the intel we gathered at the Hydra site.”

Bucky nodded before the corners of his mouth twitched up, “Well, let’s hope she’s on our side.”

Steve smiled and clasped a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as he walked away, before pausing and glancing back over his shoulder.

“I meant it when I said to leave her alone. I know you want to talk to her.”

“I won’t,” Bucky held up two fingers, “Scout’s honors.”

Steve rolled his eyes and continued walking away.

Bucky was never in the Boy Scouts.

\--Kira POV—

A clanging noise pulled me from my thoughts, and I bristled but didn’t dare move. The little door at the bottom of the metal door slid open and a tray of food was passed through before it clanged shut. I stared at the light blue tray. It contained a sandwich, a small bowl of grapes, two pickles, and a small carton of milk.

My stomach growled as if on cue. Hydra only provided me with a bowl of left-over food twice a day. It was the first time in a long time I had seen real food. A large part of me wanted to devour it quickly before they could take it away, but so many warning signs were screaming in my mind.

The door to the room that views my cage opened. I didn’t look away from the food, but my senses were focused on whoever was walking towards the translucent wall. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him sit down cross-legged in front of the wall. He brought something in his hands to his mouth and I finally looked over as I heard chewing. _He’s eating?_

He noticed my gaze and quickly swallowed before greeting me, “Hey.”

I shifted my body to slightly face him, narrowing my eyes. _What’s his play?_

“Hi,” I eventually settled upon replying.

He pointed to my tray, “I can promise you that it’s better than what Hydra was giving you.”

I grimaced at the name and my stomach grumbled again, pleading at me. I exhaled quietly and slowly released one of my legs to drop to the floor. My eyes were glued on him, but he continued eating his own sandwich slowly. I allowed my other leg to drop. When both of my feet were firmly planted on the cool floor, I shifted the rest of my body to the floor, crouching on the balls of my feet. I slowly crawled over enough to where I could reach the corner of the tray with the tip of my finger. I slid a claw out to hook onto it and slid it backwards with me until I was sitting with my back up against the bed with the tray in front of me.

Bucky looked pleased but tried not to show it as he took a drink from his bottle of water. I gently took the sandwich in my faces and raised it to my face. I tentatively smelled it. Meat, cheese, bread. I didn’t smell any chemicals and my self-control was waning. I stuffed as much of the sandwich as I could into my mouth, vigorously chewing and swallowing to make room for more. In three bites, the sandwich was gone. I ripped open the milk carton and chugged it down.

“Hey,” His voice made me freeze as I was setting the empty carton down, “Don’t-don’t eat so fast, okay? You’ll give yourself a stomachache.”

I stared at him with a blank expression, before finding my voice again.

“What do you want?”

He gave a small smile, “Just didn’t want you to eat alone.”

My eyes flickered from the food left on my tray to back to him. He was trying to get close to me. I ate the rest of the food slightly slower, mostly keeping my eyes trained on him. I observed him quietly. He had a ghost of a beard – stubble – that I hadn’t noticed before. Winter always wore his mask when I saw him. His eyes were still blue, but brighter and more alert. His hair was in another bun at the base of his neck, but shorter front pieces hung down.

He was wearing a faded red shirt and some black sweatpants. I was so focused on examining him, that when a glob of mustard fell on his shirt from his last bite of his sandwich, a laugh threatened to escape me. It died in my throat but resulted in a strangled snort. _What the hell was that?_ I quickly set a stoic expression on my face, but when I met his eyes, I knew he noticed it.

“How do you do that?” He asked curiously, scooping the mustard off his shirt with his metal finger.

“What?”

“That thing with your eyes. You know, you have cat eyes, but sometimes they turn into normal eyes for a second.”

It was true. When my inner Beast was near the surface, my pupils merged into slits, enhancing my vision. This happened whenever I was guarded and so his observation troubled me. Have a really dropped my guard around him?

He ignored my silence and continued, “It happened yesterday too, after you let go of me.”

I tried to remember that moment and what I was thinking of, but the terror I felt that day fogged my memories. _Winter…never hurt me._ My own words echoed in my mind instead. I find myself standing up. My feet took tiny steps, padding towards him as he froze, still sitting down. I stopped when I was just out of arm’s reach from the wall, eyes locking onto his as I crouched. I placed my hands on the floor in front of my feet.

Either he had stopped breathing or he was taking small shallow breaths as I searched his eyes. My eyes flitted over every feature of his face, looking for any sign of the soldier I once knew. His blue eyes stared back at me, both surprised and seemingly apprehensive. He held his ground though, not flinching away as I leaned slightly forward. The force field in between us probably comforted him.

But then again, they didn’t know what I was capable of yet. Perhaps that’s why he is being so nonchalant.

“I’m not him,” He whispered after an unknown amount of time passed.

I refused to let my surprise of his response show on my face.

“You used to be,” I murmured.

He let out a frustrated sigh and his eyes narrowed, “Do you want me to be him? A monster following-“

Anger shot to my fingertips before I could stop it. I lunged forwards, digging both clawed hands into the wall, making small popping sounds erupt from where the tips of my claws met the material. He flinched backwards.

“You know nothing about monsters.”

“Woah, I’m pretty sure this is what Cap _didn’t_ want,” another voice emerged from the doorway.

I pushed off against the wall, back tracking until I was sitting with my back against the bed again. Surprisingly, Bucky didn’t seem to like that I put more distance between us.

“What do you need, Sam?” His voice was dripping with annoyance.

“Wanda’s here,” He replied, giving a mock-salute and leaving.

_Wanda?_ The look on Bucky’s face makes a pang of panic flow through me. He opened his mouth but I was distracted by a hissing sound. I looked up to see a small vent in the ceiling emitting some sort of gas. The gas was colorless, but I could hear it pass through the vent and into the room. My eyes widened as I lifted the collar of the blood-stained hospital gown I was still wearing to cover my mouth and nose.

Bucky was telling me to stay calm and was trying to explain something, but I couldn’t hear him over the sound of my beating heart as the gas began to take effect. I dropped to my knees and crawled over to the translucent wall. I kicked and scratched at the material but was only met with more popping and sizzling noises. They had knocked me out before to put me in this room, but know they were knocking me out again. _Punishment for touching the wall? Experiments?_

“STOP! Please!” My pride was undermined by the overwhelming fear.

I locked eyes with Bucky on the other side of the wall as my vision started to fade.

“Bucky. Help.”

….

_I sighed in contentment as another dragon fly landed on my knee for a moment before flitting off across the lake. I arched my back off of the grassy knoll I was resting against, popping it a few times before laying back on the soft grass. I was a few feet away from the lake’s bank and had a perfect view across the waters of the mountains in the distance._

_A select few clouds peppered the sky as I tilted my head up to see where the sun was. I couldn’t stay out late again, Gran always worries. I shifted my gaze back to my lap and to the leather-bond sketchbook, examining my drawing of the landscape in front of me. My thoughts drifted away again, until I heard soft footsteps behind me. I smiled._

_“I thought I would find you here,” Gran stated, sitting down on a log beside the bank._

_“This is my favorite among my spots,” I admitted, shifting my gaze to her._

_She wore her second favorite dress, a dark green color with a daffodil pattern. Her blue shawl was wrapped tightly around her shoulders even though it was springtime. The wrinkles on her tan face were worn proudly; I had always thought of them as proof of a life well lived. Her gray and white hair was manhandled into a low ponytail, but some stubborn strands stuck out like she had been struck by lightning._

_“It’s a good place to think,” She smiled and cast her gaze towards the mountains._

_I nodded and we sat in silence for a while. I eventually stood up and sat beside her on the log._

_“Do you remember when you used to tell me bedtime stories?” I asked suddenly, “And how you would tell me of your adventures in life?”_

_She breathed out a laugh, “Yes. Why?”_

_At first I didn’t respond and she turned to me, arching an eyebrow._

_“Do you…do you think I’ll ever get to go on my own adventures?” I asked, looking into her amber eyes._

_I felt the warmth of her hands on either side of my face as she gave a knowing smile._

_“Adventures always have a beginning, little Lamb. That’s where you are right now; the beginning. Once you leave the beginning there is no going back. Enjoy every moment of it.”_

_I smiled a little and she continued, “Don’t fill your head with worry. You are destined for a full life of adventures. But for now, let’s enjoy today.”_

_I rested my head on her shoulder as she put an arm around mine. I breathed in her familiar smell as we both looking out onto the water. The excitement I felt at the thought of my own adventures was tempered by the comfort blanketed over me. Just the beginning._

….

A chair. I was in a chair. I opened my eyes to the bright light of the room and tried to stand. I looked down at the metal restraints over my wrists, ankles, and stomach, binding me to the metal chair. I tried to flip over my wrists to cut through the metal with my claws, but it was too tight.

“Hey,” A soft voice said from across the room.

I looked up to see Bucky. I glanced over the other contents in the room. Some science equipment, a few jars on a counter along one wall. It looked like some sort of storage room.

“They, uh, didn’t want to put you in a room with the expensive equipment,” Bucky explained as he watched me look around.

“What do you want?”

He looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, “Listen, I’m sorry about before. I just don’t like to talk about…him.”

I nodded curtly, still eyeing him.

“Okay. What do you want?”

“I wanted to introduce you to someone.”

I swallowed thickly and my hands grew cold, but it wasn’t from lack of circulation. Those were the same words the original Father used to introduce the first Doctor. I struggled against my binds, my nails tearing up the metal it could reach on the handles of the chair.

“No, no. It’s okay, she’s nice. She just wants to understand you better,” Bucky quickly explained.

“She wants to understand me?” I heard my bitter voice waver.

“Yes. Listen, all she’s going to do is touch your forehead,” He said, mimicking the action on his own forehead.

I didn’t stop struggling.

“See? I told you your way wouldn’t work,” Tony sauntered in looking smug.

He made his way over to me cautiously and I saw the glint of the syringe he was trying to hide behind to his side.

“No!” I quickly said and he paused, “I’ll…I’ll be good. Please.”

Tony pursed his lips at me, not fully believing me.

“You can take my bed – take my food, if I disobey,” I suggested, swallowing my pride.

Either choice was bad. Either I stayed awake and alert through the torture or I was knocked out with no knowledge of what they did to my body. At this moment though, I would rather know what I was dealing with. Tony’s eyes softened, but before he could respond, a new voice spoke behind him.

“It’s okay, I think she’ll do fine,” A woman with long crimson hair spoke with a slight Russian accent.

She looked at me with kind eyes as Tony backed off, choosing to stand over by Bucky as the woman approached me instead.

“I’m Wanda. I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to look inside your mind, to understand you better.”

I looked hard into her eyes. _A mind reader?_ I knew the Avengers had special abilities, but that just seemed too unrealistic. But then again, I grow claws and fangs. Wanda held out her hand, tilting it up to my temple, but stopped and looked at me. It took me a few moments to realize she was asking my permission. I couldn’t mask the surprise that must have flowed through my face before gritting my teeth and nodding once.

As her fingers inched closer to my temple, an involuntary warning growl bubbled from my throat. She paused but continued. I locked my eyes on Bucky’s across the room and saw the concern in them. I winced and tried to flinch away as the tips of her fingers pressed into my skin. A tingling and burning spread across my forehead as a red light flashed in the corner of my eye.

Memories, thoughts, feelings all flashed through my mind. It was like pages in a book that someone was thumbing through quickly. Glimpses of fields, Gran, mountains were quickly replaced by steel bars, blood seeping to the floor, and fire, fire everywhere. _ENOUGH._ I opened my mouth to scream, but I was distracted by someone already screaming.

The room in was in and the chair I was bound to quickly returned me to reality. I looked on the floor to see Wanda bending over her knees with her hands over her eyes. She was the one screaming.


	3. Is He Worth It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a short, graphic description of burning (a part of torture). It's a few sentences, towards the beginning, but I wanted to warn anyone that may be uncomfortable or triggered by it. There will be more descriptions of torture throughout this fanfic, but I will try to warn everyone in the chapter notes about it. Hope you enjoy!

\--3rd Person POV—

Nat reached over and squeezed Wanda’s arm, sending her a small smile, as everyone else sitting around the table waited patiently for her to speak. Wanda exhaled and shut her eyes for a moment, gathering her thoughts before speaking.

“Her name is Kira,” She decided to start simple, “She has been alive for a long time…but something inside her has been around even longer. I could sense it.”

Tony shared a look with Steve before opening his mouth to ask a question. Natasha seemed to sense this, and without taking her eyes off of Wanda, she gestured for him to stay quiet. Wanda gave her an appreciative smile.

“It was unlike any other mind. At first I saw memories of a beautiful place in the mountains and someone else was there, a mother-figure,” Wanda paused before shaking her head, “Then memories of a horrible, cold place. The things that were done to her…”

She trailed off as those memories came back to the surface of her mind. The smell of burning, sizzling flesh. The echoes of screams being strangled as the flames she inhaled burned down her throat.

“Hey,” Sam’s concerned voice brought her back into the meeting room, “You okay?”

Wanda quickly nodded and cleared her voice. Bucky sat back into his seat by Steve, crossing his arms. His face remained neutral, but his mind was racing. He saw the look in Wanda’s eyes and with his own experiences with Hydra, he knew what she saw was nothing short of hellscape nightmare.

“Is that why you…freaked out?” Tony’s voice cut through the silence.

She shook her head. She wished for the hundredth time that Vision was here to be by her side.

“During the last memory, something…something appeared. I could tell that it wasn’t in the original memory. I-I think it knew what I was doing. It lunged at me an-and it felt so real.”

Wanda took a few deep breaths, trying to plead with her mind not to relive that memory as well. Clint glanced at Nat, leaning forward in his seat. Sam rubbed the side of his face, his gaze fixated on the table. An unease swept through the room as Wanda was clearly shaken up by this odd occurrence.

What was meant to answer questions about the mysterious girl only seemed to be raising more questions.

“What was it? Do we know what we’re dealing with?” Steve spoke up, locking eyes with Wanda.

“It was a large, black mass at first,” Wanda squinted her eyes, trying to describe it, “It had a mane of…matted black fur. It had a wolf…or maybe a bear-shaped head. Its limbs…looked almost human? But they were covered in black…scales. It was massive, but it moved so quickly. The sounds it made. I’ve never heard any animal capable of making those sounds…I felt it’s growl in my chest,” She pressed both hands over her heart, “Then it screamed? And lunged towards me with rows of teeth. I have never felt such primal terror; it’s as if it is engrained somewhere inside of us to be terrified of this thing.”

“And it had her eyes,” She finished, glancing up at everyone at the table.

Another uncomfortable pause settled over the room. There were so many questions littering everyone’s mind, but no one knew where to start, or if they even truly wanted those answers.

“So…what you’re saying is,” Tony idly flipped a pen in his hand, “she has a demon inside of her? Should we call a priest?”

Wanda rolled her eyes at the man, “No. She is not alone in her body. There was one other presence I sensed, one that is much lighter. I believe that is where her abilities stem from, the entities in her.”

“There is good in her,” She continued, glancing at Bucky across the table, “She is just so incredibly afraid. I think the creature is a protector of sorts.”

Bucky couldn’t help but relax the smallest amount when Wanda claimed there was good in her.

“That may be why she seems so…animalistic. If she’s afraid, then the creature might be the one driving her actions,” Nat mused, slowly nodding her head.

“I still think we should have a priest on speed dial, “Tony stood up and stepped over to Steve, clapping a hand on his back and looking down at him, “You know a priest we can use? You seem like a church-boy.”

Steve glared his disapproval at the man before turning back to the group, “So what do we do?”

\--Kira’s POV—

I paced back and forth, glancing every so often at the shimmering wall. I ignored the new tray of food that was delivered in the same way as before shortly after I returned to the room. I replayed what had happened over and over in my mind. The woman, Wanda, reacted to my painful memories in a surprisingly overdramatic way.

She’s an Avenger. Surely, she must have seen equivalent, or even worse, things. I stopped pacing and stood in the center of the room, running a hand through my hair. _What if they think I meant to hurt her?_ I jumped as the harsh lights of the room dimmed.

“What’s happening now?” I muttered to myself, eyes searching through the translucent wall.

I dropped to the floor as a voice answered me, “It is 9 p.m. The lights have dimmed to a level appropriate for sleep.”

I looked up at the ceiling, where the slightly robotic voice emanated from. _A speaker system?_ I wondered. I silently made my way to the bed, whipping around as the little door slid open again. This time, a neatly folded set of clothes were pushed through, lightly bumping against the tray.

I waited for a few moments before grabbing them, holding them to my nose. _Clean. Flowers?_ I scrunched my face at the artificial, soapy smell. I peeled the dirty hospital gown over my head and quickly slipped into the simple bra and cotton panties. They seemed to fit well, and I wondered how they knew my size.

The white t-shirt was slightly baggy, but I preferred the larger size. A stifled yawn escaped my lips as I stepped into the gray sweatpants.

The bed was simple and small, just big enough to accommodate me. The mattress was only a few inches thick, but it felt like laying on a cloud compared to what I was used to. Worry shot through my mind. _What if I sleep too well on this?_

I slunk to the ground, yanking the blanket with me. The cold floor was hard, but a small wave of familiarity washed over me as I curled up, nestling myself under the thin blanket. I shut my eyes and imagined myself slowly sinking into the ground as sleep pulled me under.

…

“Damn, she almost looks peaceful,” A voice drifted into my mind, lulling me out of a dreamless sleep.

My eyes opened and squinted to the two men standing on the other side of the wall.

Bucky hit the man he called Sam yesterday on the chest, “You woke her up.”

I slowly stretched my arms and legs, popping the joints. I yawned as I flipped onto my stomach and arched my back, earning more cracks. I sat up, turning my body towards them. They were staring at me, following my movements.

“What do you want?” My voice was slowly losing its raspiness.

“Well, we wanted to know if you wanted to come out,” Bucky spoke up after a moment.

I tilted my head, “What’s the catch?”

Sam smiled mischievously, “And why do you think there’s a catch?”

“You don’t trust me,” I stated, holding up a finger and slowly unsheathing a claw.

“But we want to,” Bucky said, cutting off whatever Sam had planned to reply, “Tony made you some gloves and shoes. Special ones that your claws can’t cut through. If you put them on, then you can come out, walk around and meet everyone.”

My brows furrowed. _How would they know what my claws can’t cut?_

“And my teeth?” I asked, baring my canines.

Bucky looked at Sam and he put his hands up, shaking his head, “No, no, she’s your friend. You tell her.”

I narrow my eyes at his statement and watch as Bucky took a moment to decide on what to say.

“Well…just in case…you’ll have to wear a mask that covers your mouth,” He settled on, “You’ll still be able to talk through it,” He added at the end.

“A muzzle,” I stated.

“Well, it’s more of a-“ he started.

“No thanks,” I cut him off.

Both men stared at me before I added, “I’d like to stay in my box please.”

…

And to my surprise, they let me. A few days into my stay, I became comfortable enough to utilize the small shower in the corner. The bar of soap they provided smelled like some sort of sweet fruit, berries of some kind.

Over the next few days, Bucky came to visit every day at lunch to eat with me. Most times there was nothing said between us. I appreciated that he didn’t push me to talk like the others. Sam visited twice, Natalia once and she introduced me to a man named Clint, Tony visited once as well. They all seemed guarded, which I understood.

A part of me wished that Wanda would visit.

I glanced up at my lunch tray was pushed through the small door. It seemed like it was early today, as Bucky hadn’t arrived. I settled down with my tray in front of me, my back resting against the bed. I stared at the meal. _Should I wait?_

My thoughts were interrupted by the door to the room on the other side of the wall opening. I cast my gaze up, expectantly.

But the man who walked up to the glass was not Bucky. My back tensed as I bit back a growl. He stopped inches from the wall, staring at me hard with one eye. The only was covered in an eyepatch. He wore dark clothes and had on a dark, long coat. His expression gave nothing away as his hands clasped together in front of him.

“So, you’re Kira,” He stated. I winced at the use of my name. Bucky had told me how they learned my name and I reluctantly allowed them to use it.

“What do you-“

“What I want,” He cut me off, “is for you to answer my questions.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, my expression hopefully remaining firm even though I felt my stomach twist in knots. Ignoring my silence, he continued.

“What are you?”

I breathed in and glanced at the door behind him.

“Expecting someone else?”

Worry shot through me. But it wasn’t for me.

“Where’s Bucky?” I heard my voice ask, surprising both of us.

He paused before answering, “That’s classified.”

_Classified?_ Anger seeped into the worry. _What is happening to me?_ I didn’t understand the mixture of emotions stirring inside of me. Was I worried about Bucky? He was one of my captors. This didn’t make sense. I tried to dampen down the thoughts swimming in my mind, focusing on the man in front of me.

“Do you want me to bring him back?”

_Yes._ I stayed silent.

“Answer my questions, and I’ll see to it that he comes back,” He bartered, staring at me intently.

I could see the smugness flicker across his features as I stared back at him. This was new. Usually the other alternative was punishment. Perhaps since the Avengers worked publicly with the government, they weren’t allowed to punish? _No, that’s too dangerous to believe._

I thought back to the time I almost laughed as Bucky slipped mustard on his shirt. He trusted me more than the others, yet still not completely. My emotions over him had me confused and curious. I told myself that I only wanted him back to further exam these feelings, to figure them out.

“Fine.”

“What are you?” He repeated.

“I-I don’t know,” I started, slightly worried that he wouldn’t count it as an answer, “I was born like this. To my knowledge, my parents were normal.”

He didn’t react to my answer before asking another.

“What are your powers?”

“Retractable claws on my fingertips and toes, heightened senses like sight, hearing, and smell, my canines can lengthen and my jaw strength increases,” I sighed and glanced at the door again, “I can heal any wound as long as I have the energy to do it. Ever since around the age of 20, I haven’t aged.”

He nodded and seemed to ponder something, “How old are you?”

“I think I was born around 1901?”

“What is your connection to Hydra?”

I breathed out. This man was blunt, but in a way, it was refreshing.

“They acquired me,” I swallowed, trying to push memories out of my mind and focusing only on the facts, “around 1935 I think. From another organization.”

“What other organization?”

“They called themselves the Guild,” I gave a simple answer, hoping he wouldn’t press the issue.

“How did the Guild…acquire you?” He repeated my phrase.

I couldn’t stop my body from shifting uncomfortably. Was Bucky even worth this? I fought the urge to clam up, my canines lengthening in response to my distress. The man surprisingly waited patiently.

“They found me and killed my,” Gran’s face flashed through my mind, “family before taking me.”

He clicked his tongue and I stared at him as anger bubbled to the surface.

“What did these organizations want from you?”

I sneered, “Probably the same thing you want from me.”

His eyebrow arched up, “Which is?”

“Use me as a weapon. Perform failed experiment after failed experiment, trying to figure out what makes me different so you can give your soldiers claws and healing abilities,” My voice was low, dripping with the anger building up inside of me.

The man looked at me, his eye raking across my features. He didn’t seem affected by my attitude. He more so seemed curious. I would rather him be angry, furious even; just something I can latch onto and help fuel my rage.

Anger can mask the other emotions spiraling through my mind. I felt out of control of myself and I hated the feeling. So many things were out of my hands, but I had always found comfort in being able to control myself, my emotions. Something about this place has brought out emotions I didn’t realize I was capable of feeling.

“Where’s Bucky?” I found myself asking again.

I needed something, someone that I knew at least a tiny bit. Something to ground me.

“He should be back soon,” The man stated before turning around and walking confidently out of the room.

I sighed, looking down again at the tray of food. I curled up on the floor, suddenly exhausted. _I’ll wait._ I thought before closing my eyes.

\--3rd Person POV—

Bucky got off of the elevator and started walking towards his room to shower and change after his mission.

“Hey Buck,” Steve caught him halfway to his room, “How was the mission?”

“Successful,” He gave his friend a grin, “I got the other piece of intel on her. I already gave it to Tony.”

Steve leaned on the wall of the hallway, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Fury talked to her.”

Bucky frowned. He didn’t know how Kira would react to Fury; he could be intense.

“She answered his questions,” Steve went on, his eyes on Bucky to gauge his reaction.

Surprise and something else flickered over his expression, “How did he get her to do that?”

Steve tried to hold back his smile, “He said that if she would, he’d bring you back.”

Bucky had meant to tell Sam to let you know that he was going to be gone on a mission. He had to leave in the middle of the night and knew it should be a short one, but he didn’t quite know when he’d be back. He knew you probably expected him at lunches by now.

Steve proceeded to fill him in on the details Fury had gathered. Steve watched the emotions on his friend’s face; they mirrored his when he had been told. Steve couldn’t help but feel sorry for the girl though he used his own advice; don’t get too attached.

“Do you want to catch a movie?” Steve said, trying to lighten the mood.

Bucky shook his head, “Nah, I’m already late.”

He walked off to his room, leaving Steve in the hallway shaking his head.

\--Kira POV—

“You didn’t have to wait, Doll,” A familiar voice made me open my eyes and lift my head.

I sat up, feeling the corners of my mouth turn upwards. After having to deal with answering questions, I felt relieved to see Bucky’s face. He was wearing the same shirt as our first lunch, but instead of sweats, he had on a pair of light-washed jeans. His hair was damp and hung in his face for a moment before his metal hand came up to push it back.

My smile dropped when I noticed the cut on his lip. It was a recent wound, the area around it still puffy.

“Who hurt you?” I asked suddenly, the question popping out of my mouth before I had time to think.

He seemed mildly surprised by my reaction, but his mouth slowly turned into a grin.

“You don’t have to worry about it. I had to go on a mission,” He explained, “I’m sorry I missed our lunch.”

“S’okay,” I shrugged, pushing the tray still in front of me away.

Three meals a day were almost too much. I was still full from breakfast even though dinner was probably arriving soon.

“I heard you were worried about me,” His grin grew wider as an eyebrow went up.

I looked away as an unfamiliar heat trickled across my face. I crossed my arms and stayed silent for a moment.

“Where did you go?” I asked, not sure why I wanted to know.

His confidence faltered, “I can’t tell you.”

I nodded slowly, acknowledging his response. I remembered my confusion from earlier.

“Why are you interested in me?”

His eyes widened just a fraction.

“What do you mean?”

I stood up, stepping closer to the wall dividing us, “You visit me consistently and much more than the others. You don’t press me for information, and you-you seem to care. Why?”

“You know me from…before. You know I understand how being under Hydra’s thumb can be,” He paused before he continued, “But it’s more than that. I feel strangely…connected to you. Maybe-maybe it’s because of whatever happened between you and…him.”

“Nothing happened,” I answered quickly.

He gave me a look, “You say that, but I’ve never heard of anyone willing to defend…him.”

I swallowed, cursing my lack of self-control that day.

“I want to be your friend,” He said in a soft voice.

I searched his eyes for any hidden emotions. _Friend?_ I hadn’t heard that word used sincerely in I don’t know how long. Could I have a friend? It seemed like a foreign concept.

“What would that mean?”

He smiled again, “Well, we can talk, and not just about serious things, about anything and everything you want. We can joke around and laugh. When you want to leave that room, we can watch movies or play games. The possibilities are endless, Doll.”

_Doll. That’s the second time he’s called me that._ I thought about his offer and it was tempting, even though I knew there would be hidden fees. I was reminded of my earlier thought, _was Bucky even worth this?_ Would he be worth the cost of this offer? The aspect of punishments or experiments sent a shiver down my spine.

I pushed down those feelings and stepped closer to the wall. Both of us expected me to stop, but I didn’t until I was inches away from it, away from him. I looked up at him, he was taller than he looked farther away. He seemed to stop breathing as he looked down at me, training his blue eyes on mine.

I wondered if he saw the Beast’s eyes or mine.

“Okay,” I nodded.

His smile grew and I found the corners of my own mouth mimicking his.

…

Over the next few weeks, Bucky never missed another lunch. He brought me books, some were classics, some were to help me catch up in the world, and some were fantasy. At first, he brought me a couple at a time, but as soon as he saw the speed at which I could read, he brought me several each day.

At our lunches, we would talk about the books, his day, the other teammates, or anything else we could think of. Once we had an in depth conversation about how we would survive a zombie apocalypse (assuming that I could be affected by the zombie virus as well).

I started to feel a ghost of an emotion I thought had died within me a long time ago: happiness. I was still guarded and avoided giving too much about me away, but he didn’t seem to mind it.

We were sitting and eating, I had slowed down my eating significantly, though I still got done eating before him. I took a drink from the milk carton at the same time he took a drink of his soda. Some leaked out of the corner of his mouth and dripped onto his shirt.

An involuntary smile grew on my face. He wiped his mouth and rubbed the drops into his shirt.

“I swear, before I started eating with you, I was not a messy eater,” He grumbled.

“Hey Bucky?” I asked suddenly, setting the carton down.

“Yeah?” He looked up at me.

“I think…I wanna leave my box,” I said before hastily adding, “For a little bit.”

His smile was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why did I decide to make Bucky a messy eater? No clue, but I rolled with it.


	4. A Touch of Metal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kira is out of her box! Both figuratively and literally. Enjoy!

The supposedly impenetrable gloves Tony had made fit loose at first. Then, to my horror, they emitted a small hissing noise before molding and clinging to my hands like a second skin. The gloves themselves were made out of a dark gray material and were heavier than regular cotton or wool gloves.

The metal band attached to them circled tight around my wrist and I heard a faint click. The shoes were similar, but thankfully didn’t cling around my toes like the fingers on the gloves. I sighed as I looked down at the last stipulation.

“Does she really need the muzzle?” I heard Steve whisper to Tony.

Steve, Tony, Sam, Bucky, and Natasha were standing on the other side of the wall.

“Tony’s just afraid cause he’s the only one she would probably bite,” Sam smiled, clearly finding this amusing.

I breathed in deep before pressing the material to my mouth, running my hands along the straps to the back of my head. After fumbling for a few moments, the latch clicked into place. I grimaced as I heard the same hissing sound, tightening the straps of the mask before a light click came from the latch.

I looked up at the others expectantly.

Steve nudged Tony, who reluctantly pressed a button on the small remote in his hand. The glimmering wall immediately faded and I was hit with a lot of scents at once. I was pleasantly surprised that the mask did nothing to hinder my senses.

At first, no one moved. Natasha scoffed at the men and confidently strode towards me, stepping into my box. I anchored my feet on the ground, fighting the urge to retreat.

Thankfully, she stopped at a respectful distance and held out her hand.

“I think it’s time we’ve been properly introduced,” she smiled, “Hi, I’m Nat.”

I tentatively gripped her hand, the gloves blocking the feeling of her skin on mine. Instead of letting go, she pulled me towards the others and I lamely walked behind her. I hesitated only a moment as my foot hung over the threshold.

After she dropped my hand, Sam was next to offer me his.

“Sam,” he offered a charming smile, “if you ever get tired of this old man,” he gestured to Bucky, “you come and find me.”

He dropped my hand with a wink and both Bucky and Steve rolled their eyes. Steve extended his hand.

“I’m Steve. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kira.”

Tony cleared his voice loudly and everyone turned to him. He looked the other way, pretended to suddenly notice everyone looking at him.

“Oh, I guess it’s my turn,” He took my hand, “Tony. You can call me Sir if you’d like. I’m the owner of this tower and, as you may know, Iron Man. If you need-“

He was cut off by my tightening grip on his hand. I looked down, flipping his hand over where my fingertips were and pretended to search his skin.

“Hmm,” I mused, “These gloves do work.”

I dropped his hand and took pleasure in his shocked expression.

“I like her,” Nat said with a smile.

Sam patted Tony on the back and led him out of the room, teasing him along the way.

“Now, you’ll have to have a chaperone around the tower,” Steve addressed me, “at least, for the time being.”

I nodded and watched as him and Nat left as well. Steve didn’t seem to want to leave, but for some reason, Nat practically pulled him away. They mentioned going to train and I wondered what that involved. My eyes fell back to Bucky, who was being quiet.

I impulsively held out my hand to him, “Hi, I’m Kira.”

He breathed out a laugh and shook my hand. For a moment, I thought I could feel the heat of his palm through the glove.

“I, uh, could give you a tour if you want,” He offered after I retracted my hand.

I nodded and he walked past me, towards the door. I watched him before glancing back to my box. My heartrate sped up thinking of walking further and further away from it. I hadn’t realized I had become attached to the space. _Was this a mistake?_

“You coming, Doll?”

I snapped my gaze back towards where he stood in the open doorway. I nodded before walking towards him, both of us stepping out into the hallway. I scanned both directions, but there was no sign of anyone else.

“This floor is mainly used as a,” Bucky glanced at me as we walked to an elevator, “holding area.”

_He means a prison._

The doors opened and we both stepped inside. He reached across from me to push a button, his flesh arm accidentally brushing up against mine. _Pain._ My body jolted back, my shoulder blades hitting the rear wall of the elevator with a loud thump.

“Sorry,” I quickly threw out.

He looked at me with an indiscernible look in his eyes and shook his head.

“It’s okay. I was the same way for a while,” He said in a low voice.

I nodded and cast my eyes down. Under my mask, I bit my lip. For some reason, a part of me had hoped that Bucky’s touch wouldn’t cause that involuntary reaction. I silently chastised myself for that wish, knowing it didn’t make any sense.

The elevator doors opened and I saw that there was a hallway in front of us and one on either side. While I was still in my thoughts, I stepped in front of Bucky as he was about to step off of the elevator, lightly pressing my hand to his chest. I stuck my head through the doors, absentmindedly checking down each hallway.

Wait. _What was I doing?_ I cleared my throat and stepped out, distancing myself from him.

“Is the coast clear?” He said with an amused smile on his face, looking at me with his eyebrows raised.

“So what’s this floor?” I mumbled, changing the subject as he started walking through the hallway in front of the elevator.

“This,” He gestured around him, “Is the commons floor. It has the kitchen, dining room, lounge room, library, and gym.”

We walked into a large open room, with a full kitchen and a long table with chairs. I slowly spun around, taking in the contents of the room. I realized that I hadn’t seen a real kitchen in years. I heard footsteps approaching the room from the hallway to the side of the kitchen. A low rumble of a growl escaped my lips.

Bucky brushed his metal knuckles against mine and my tense body relaxed a fraction. Clint appeared through the hallway and when he saw us, he smirked.

“You think it’s a good idea, showing her where the knives are?” He leaned on elbow onto the counter of the island in the kitchen.

“What? You scared of her?” Bucky chuckled.

I didn’t get to pinpoint Clint’s scent when the wall was separating us, so I took a moment to breathe it in and commit it to memory. _Woodsy…pine?_

“Course not,” He nodded to me, “I’m not Tony.”

That momentarily brought a smile to my face.

“Of course you’re not Tony, you’re not rich or smart enough!” Tony called out from somewhere down the hall.

“We can’t hear you, why don’t you come closer!” Bucky called back, looking down at me and smiling.

Tony didn’t respond and Clint chuckled, “You’d better hide her, the kid’s here and he’s biting at the chance to meet her.”

As if on cue, the elevator doors dinged open and someone audibly gasped. I turned around to find a very flustered teenager running down the hallway towards us. I again, glued my feet to the floor. _He’s just a kid._ I assured myself.

“Easy, kid,” Clint warned him and Bucky stepped in front of me.

“Sorry, but I’ve been wanting to meet you. Tony told me your powers and I just think it’s cool. My name is Peter,” He said in a rush, slightly out of breath from running to me.

“Kira,” I stated and in a sudden fit of bravery, I tapped the side of Bucky’s arm.

He moved out of the way and Peter stepped forward.

“Woah, your eyes are like a cats,” He mused, “Wait-so can you see in the dark? How do you heal, do your cells just replicate really fast?”

His questions were different from the eye-patch man’s, Fury is what Bucky called him, they didn’t seem to agitate me. Perhaps because they were coming from an innocent source.

“I can see in the dark just as well as a cat and I honestly don’t know.”

Peter opened his mouth, but Bucky stepped in, “How about I show you the library?”

I looked up at him and nodded. Peter attempted to follow us, but Clint grabbed his arm and pulled him in the other direction, saying something about Tony wanting to see him.

The library was large, the walls lined with shelves and shelves of books. In the middle was a large comfy-looking sofa and three massive armchairs. I closed my eyes as I breathed in the scent of the cracked leather and worn pages.

“I knew you’d like this room,” Bucky mused with a lopsided grin as he watched me spin around.

I grinned at him even though he couldn’t see it, “Thank you.”

My voice was so small, I didn’t think he would hear it. I had forgotten that Bucky had told me he was a super soldier; incredibly strong and resilient with heightened senses of his own.

“You’re welcome, Doll,” He walked closer to me until he was about a foot away.

Without thinking I reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair that had fallen out of his bun back behind his ear. I heard him inhale sharply as my gloved hand made contact with his ear. I looked at my hand, as if I was silently asking it: What the hell?

We quickly moved on. He showed me the lounge area with a large flat-screened tv and the gym, which contained Nat, Steve, and Sam. Nat and Sam were sparring, sending quips and snide comments to each other, and Steve was pounding away at a punching bag. They all momentarily paused to greet us.

I asked him if we could return to the library, which he happily agreed to. I fluttered around the walls, picking out a stack of books before returning to the couch where Bucky already was sitting. I sat on the other end of the couch, placing my stack on the floor and cracking open the first book.

It was a book containing old fairytales and it reminded me of the ones Gran would tell me. We settled into a comfortable silence, only the sound of turning pages disrupting it. When I reached about the middle of my book, I found myself stealing glances at the man sitting on the other end. His stubble had gotten longer and I wondered how often he shaved. His blue eyes were trained on the pages in front of him, squinting every now and then.

He wore navy sweatpants, I could see the white drawstrings hanging underneath the hem over his black t-shirt. He had grabbed a plain grey zip-up jacket from his locker in the gym. He had claimed he was cold, but I knew it was really to avoid brushing arms again. My eyes caught on the gleam of his metal hand holding the book.

A thought popped into my head and before I could push it away, I already found myself debating it. _What’s the worst that could happen?_ I winced, I knew the answer to that question. _I don’t think he would mind._ I thought back to look in his eyes as I brushed the hair out of his face. _But what if I lose everything I’ve gained?_

“What’s on your mind?” His voice sent me spiraling back down to Earth.

“Uh, what?”

He pointed to my book, “Usually you’re flipping the page every 30 seconds.”

I gazed down at my book. How long had I been thinking? I put the book down and turned my body to face him.

“Bucky,” I addressed him almost professionally, like this was some sort of business deal.

I cleared my voice and tried again, “I…was wondering if..”

My voice died out when I saw that I had his full attention. His eyes locked onto mine and the corners of his mouth teased a smile. But he sat still and waited.

“…you could…touch my arm with your…uh metal hand,” I sighed. This had sounded much better in my head.

His eyebrows shifted upwards, “Uh sure, Doll. Can I ask why?”

“I don’t want it to feel,” I paused, trying to settle on a word, “…bad when people touch me anymore. My mind equates human contact as pain…but I don’t want that. And I thought that maybe, being touched with an artificial hand would be a good starting point?”

My eyes searched his for any negative emotions as he scooted closer to me on the couch. I tucked my legs underneath me absentmindedly as he came to a stop about a half-foot away.

He nodded, “I understand. It’s a good idea. But are you sure?”

He looked at me with concern in his eyes but when I nodded, he lifted up his metal hand. He slowly inched his hand closer to my forearm and I watched with baited breath. _It’s okay. It’s metal, not skin. Just metal._ His fingertips grazed my skin, raising up goosebumps across the surface. The metal was cool and smooth. I didn’t jolt away, though alarm bells were going off in the back of my mind.

I swallowed when he started to circle his fingers around my arm, his eyes scanning my face the entire time. He lightly gripped my arm as I felt my heartbeat speed up. I felt my body close to being thrown into full panic mode. I closed my eyes as he shifted to lightly rub my arm. _It’s metal, not skin. Like a mannequin hand._

But it was attached to a man. A man controls this hand. A whimper of fear threatened to rippled through my throat, but I was determined at this point. _It’s attached to Bucky. It’s Bucky. He didn’t hurt you as Winter, he’s not going to hurt you as Bucky._ I released a breath and I didn’t realize I had been holding.

“How are you doing?” He muttered, his fingers tracing patterns on the inside of my wrist.

I didn’t answer him. Instead I gentle grabbed his metal hand and brought it up to my cheek. I pressed the side of my face into his palm, leaning into the touch. It felt good, so good. I opened my eyes, to find him grinning, his eyes roaming my face as if he were trying to memorize it. His thumb rubbed my cheek, making me smile back at him.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. I was content in living in this feeling for much longer. A cough at the door made Bucky quickly retract his hand and I sunk back against the arm of the couch.

“Tony wants to see you,” Nat said with a smirk, “Something about upgrading your suit.”

Bucky cleared his throat and nodded. His cheeks were tinted pink as he stood up.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you later, Doll,” he sent me one last smile before walking out.

“You hungry?” Nat asked after he left.

…

I sat on a stool, watching her dice up mushrooms for a salad. We were currently the only ones in the kitchen, but she mentioned that most of the team ate dinner together at the table most nights.

“So, you and Barnes,” She stated, not looking up from her work.

I tilted my head, “What?”

“You two seem close,” She glanced up at me.

“I guess he’s the person I’m closest to here,” I admitted reluctantly.

She paused, now staring at me, “So what happened between you and the Winter Soldier?”

She was blunt at times, much like Fury. This was not the first time she asked me about Winter, but I never gave her an answer. Maybe it was because I was growing in confidence or maybe it was because there was no wall between us and she had a knife in her hand, but I sighed before speaking.

“Nothing.”

She gave me a look that said she knew there was more.

“He…I guess he protected me in a way,” I added on, looking down at my hands.

“Did you..” She glanced around before slightly leaning in, “Did you fall in love with him?”

I sat up straight, not even trying to hide the look of bewilderment in my face. _Love? With Winter?_

“No, of course not. I couldn’t feel love and neither could he,” I shook my head, still reeling, “Why would you think that?”

She smirked and shrugged, returning to chopping vegetables, “It would explain why you got so close so quickly with James.”

“Who’s James?”

“That’s Bucky’s real name,” Clint said as he walked in, “Food ready?”

I slouched forward again, thankful for that conversation to be over.

“Nah, just the salad. Sam’s cooking tonight,” She explained sliding chopped carrots into the bowl.

“Right. So only eat the salad,” He muttered, taking the seat next to me.

I snorted out a laugh, then covered my mask with my hands.

“My God, she does have a sense of humor,” Tony walked in, “A wrong one, but a sense of humor nonetheless.”

Bucky and Steve walked in shortly after. Bucky smiled when he saw me and walked over to lean on the island next to my seat. Sam sauntered in from the other hallway.

“Dinner ready?” He asked, clapping his hands together.

Nat put a hand to her hand and Clint groaned. Sam looked absolutely clueless, clearly forgetting that he was supposed to be making dinner. The situation reminded me of some sort of sitcom. For some reason, it tickled me.

So I snickered, again covering my mask with my hand. The look of surprise and confusion on Sam’s face made me full out laugh. In response, Clint snorted out a laugh as well, shaking his head. The annoyance on Nat’s face also dissipated as she smiled at me. I saw Steve cover his mouth, trying not to laugh as well.

When I stopped laughing, Nat turned to Sam, “You were supposed to cook, idiot.”

Sam opened his mouth and closed it. Tony clapped his hands together.

“Pizza?”

…

When I was handed a plate of pizza, I looked towards the elevator. I still had the mask on and I assumed someone would walk me back to my box so I could take it and the gloves off to eat. My mouth watered as I looked at the plate.

“Tony,” Nat called, gesturing to me.

He looked up from the box, his eyes flicking from my face to the plate in my hands. He pursed his lips and seemed to think for a moment, before relenting and fishing the small remote from his pocket.

I jumped as I heard a soft click on the buckle behind my head and reached up to find that I could unlatch it. The mask fell from my face and cool air rushed over the lower half of my face. I gave Tony a small smile before placing the muzzle on the counter.

“Kira, come sit,” I turned to see Steve smiling at me from the table.

I took a seat on the end, to avoid any accidental touching with Bucky on one side and Steve on the other. I hummed into my slice of pizza, making an effort not to eat too fast. Conversation flowed through the table and for a moment, I wondered if this is what having a family is like.

I opened my mouth to take another bite when I picked up a slightly familiar scent approaching. I couldn’t pinpoint who it was.

“Someone’s coming,” I stated, setting down my pizza.

Somehow, through their conversations, they all heard me and the table grew quiet. Before anyone could speak, the elevator doors dinged open. Bucky straightened his back beside me. A low growl bubbled in my chest.

“Sorry, I’m late,” A small man walked in, “I had a few things – why is everyone staring at me?”

“Well, what do you know, we have a guard dog,” Tony looked back at me and was met with my glare.

“This is Dr. Banner,” Steve said, gesturing to the man before continuing to eat.

“Hi. You can call me Bruce,” He gave a polite smile, “We met briefly your first day here.”

I nodded, that explained why his scent was vaguely familiar. He took a seat beside Nat and whispered to her once everyone returned to talking. He was talking about me, clearly concerned with my presence. I didn’t blame him.

“You okay?” Bucky’s voice was muffled as he was chewing.

I nodded and shrugged, he must have caught me staring across the table, “Bruce doesn’t want me here.”

My voice must have been louder without the muzzle, because again, the table heard me. Bruce coughed on his drink and looked flustered, but I didn’t understand why.

“No, no, it’s not that,” He explained, avoiding my eyes, “I’m just a little…wary of your abilities. And, well, we don’t really know yet what you did for Hydra.”

“She did what she had to, to survive,” Bucky snapped, glaring at the doctor, “In fact, she probably did exactly what they told her to do. You wanna know what happens if she didn’t?”

His fists were clenched and his body was tense. His eyes darkened, vaguely reminding my of Winter, but fueled by emotions. Banner stuttered out a defense, but it only seemed to make Bucky more mad.

I instinctively placed a hand on his arm and when he looked at me, I gave him a smile. His hands relaxed from fists.

“It’s okay,” I told him before turning to Banner,” I understand. I’m also wary of your abilities,” I admitted, “I don’t have very fond memories of doctors.”

“Well he also turns into a large, green monster,” Tony added, causing a few eyerolls to be cast his way.

“Don’t worry, you could probably still take him,” Sam winked at me before taking a drink.

“Let’s not find out,” Steve stood up, taking his plate with him.

After finishing my second slice of pizza, my stomach felt like it was way too full. I tentatively decided that pizza was my second favorite food, right below the sweet pickles Gran used to make in the summer.

I said goodnight to the rest of the team and Bucky walked me back to my box. As I stepped through the threshold, I was flooded with a sense of relief. I had come to like my room. I looked back to him, who had his hand in his jacket pockets and seemed to be thinking of what to say.

I got an idea and smiled, holding out my hand.

“Would you like a tour?”

He chuckled and smiled, “I dunno. You think we’ll have time to cover all of it?”

He took my hand and I pulled him across, into the room. I dropped his hand once he was in the middle of the room.

“This is my bed that I don’t sleep in,” I made a grand gesture towards it before walking over to the shower and bathroom area.

“This is my shower and toilet. It has a curtain to increase privacy,” I demonstrated how the curtain moved to cover the area from the wall, “This soap smells like berries,” I pointed to the bar on the little shelf.

I walked over to the metal door, “This door was kinda boring, so I turned it into a window.”

I looked at him as I traced the crude picture of a window I had etched into the door with my claws. Inside the window I drew a sun peeking through clouds and tall grass. I crouched down and tapped the little door.

“This is the food and clothes door.”

“This is my pacing area,” I demonstrated my pacing.

I walked back over to my bed and patted the stack of books by it, “My entertainment.”

I finally sat down with my back against the bed, “And this is my eating spot.”

Bucky was watching me the entire time, a small grin on his face as his eyes followed me during my tour. After I sat down, he sat down beside me, resting his elbows on his knees as I saw cross-legged.

“Pretty nice gig, you got here,” He mused, looking around the room again.

“It’s the nicest box I’ve been in,” I agreed.

We sat in comfortable silence for a while, neither one of us wanting to break it. I closed my eyes momentarily, breathing in the scent of the man next to me. It was slightly lighter than when he was Winter. I vaguely remember the first time I noticed it at Hydra; it was like a shockwave hit me.

Now, I let it wash over me. I leaned my head on his shoulder, pressing the side of my face into the sleeve of his jacket. I felt him tense for a second, maybe I had jolted him out of his own thoughts. He breathed out and I could almost hear the smile on his face.

The confusing whirlwind of emotions flooded through me again and by now they were strangely familiar. _How long will this last?_ The thought floated to the surface of my mind. _How long before Father comes?_ I was not naïve; I knew the day would come.

But the more time I spent here, the less scared of that day I became, trading fear for sadness. How could I go back to surviving when being here gives me hope for living?

The lights dimmed and I straightened up.

“I guess that’s my cue,” He mumbled and stood up.

After a reluctant goodbye, he stepped out of the room and pressed a button on the remote Tony gave him. The glimmer returned to the wall and the shoes and gloves clicked before loosening. After he left I took them off and rubbed my wrists, flexing my claws for good measure.

I stared through the glimmering wall, a small smile on my face.

\--3rd Person POV—

As Bucky stepped off of the elevator, he was met with Steve. He opened his mouth to joke about him being up so late, but stopped when he saw the serious expression on his face. He knew that look; Steve was in Captain mode.

“Fury called a meeting,” Steve joined Bucky in the elevator and pressed the correct floor.

Bucky glanced at his friend, his eyebrows furrowed, “What about?”

Bucky knew the answer, but part of him hoped that it would be about some mission instead. Steve sighed and Bucky’s heart plummeted.

“Tony decoded the first batch on intel on Kira.”

Bucky stared at the blonde expectantly.

Steve glanced sideways at him, “She might be a bigger problem than we thought.”

When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, Bucky followed him out. The image of you flashed through his mind and he squared his shoulders as he prepared himself for what Tony found out.


	5. The Red Soldier?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Red Soldier, Father, and some risky decisions. It's a party. But how will it end? Also, there is quite a bit of graphic violence/gore description in this chapter, especially at the end.

\--3rd Person POV—

The entire team sat in silence, their gazes fixed onto the large screen. Gritty surveillance footage showed a group of citizens huddled together in the middle of a cobblestone street. It looked like a small village, maybe somewhere in Europe.

A small figure slowly stalked into frame. They wore black combat boots, cargo pants, and jacket with a Hydra emblem on the side of their shoulder. The jacket’s hood was pulled over their head. When they tugged the hood down, the team recognized who it was. Fury paused the video and turned to the others.

“That’s the Red Soldier,” Clint immediately pointed out.

The video had paused when the figure glanced to the side, their face fully facing the camera. Their entire head was covered by a deep, dark red mask with black circles were their eyes would be. Bucky shifted in his seat. They had been made aware of the figure, who Tony named the Red Soldier, for almost a year.

Fury started the video again. From somewhere off camera, a deep voice barked orders in Russian. Bucky and Nat recognized that it was an order to kill. The figure smiled and quickly attacked the group of villagers. Other Hydra soldiers gathered around, pushing and throwing people back into the mix if they ran.

One by one, their screams either dissolved into gurgling or where simply cut off suddenly. It was nothing short of a massacre. Steve started to speak, but Fury held up a hand to him, clicking over to another video.

Video after video played. The Red Soldier slit throats, snapped necks, and broke bones. Men, women, children, it didn’t matter to them and they showed no signs of slowing down until the last one was laying dead. But, the last video was different.

It was the same setup; a large group of people huddled together, begging for mercy. This time during the attack, one man managed to rip the soldier’s hood off.

It was Kira.

She looked feral; her hair was matted against her neck, her pupils were in their usual slits, but something was off. Her eyes were held wide open and were a far darker shade of blue. Her shoulders were hunched and when she turned to the man, she smiled.

A very dark and excited smile, her canines long and sharp. The man stood petrified, still clutching her hood in his trembling hand. Her tongue flicked over the top of her teeth before she lunged forward, catching the man’s neck in her mouth and digging her claws into his shoulders. With an audible squelch, she pulled back her head, twisting it to rip out a chunk of flesh.

Blood instantly poured out of the wound, coating both her and the man. He was dead before he hit the ground. She spat out the piece of flesh and reached to grab the next person. The entire ordeal happened so quick, Tony had to slow down the footage. The screen went black and the team was greeted by a reflection of themselves, everyone in a varying degree of shock.

“She had to,” Bucky was the first one to speak up, causing everyone to look at him.

“I don’t know, she seemed pretty…into it,” Sam muttered.

“What are you trying to say?” Bucky shot back.

“I’m just saying – okay maybe she was brainwashed like you.”

“Then why wasn’t she…brainwashed when she got here?” Bruce rubbed his forehead, “I’m just saying, if her mind was under Hydra’s control, then why hasn’t she tried to kill us, why-why is she being nice?”

“Speak for yourself,” Tony muttered.

“Ever since we rescued her, Hydra has been awfully quiet,” Nat reluctantly admitted.

“Who’s side are you on?” Bucky glared at the red-head.

“She’s on our side, where you should be,” Fury snapped, “Regardless, it’s too dangerous to keep her here until we fully know what we’re dealing with. Tony still hasn’t finished decoding the last piece of intel.”

“Wait. Let’s just think about this,” Steve said, sensing his friend’s stress.

“She’s safest here. With us,” Bucky stood up, turning his body to face Fury.

Fury tilted his head, “With us? Or with you?”

“I promised her that we would protect her,” Bucky squared his shoulder, “You have no clue what they’ll do to her if they get her back.”

Fury clasped his hands together behind his back, narrowing his eyes at him.

“Have you ever thought that maybe she’s using whatever connection she had with the Winter Soldier to manipulate you?” Bucky gritted his teeth, but Fury went on, “She claims that he protected her…perhaps that mentality carried over.”

Fury stood up straight, “But what are you protecting her from? Hydra? Or…us?”

Bucky slammed his hands down on the table, sending a crack through the wood.

“You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about!” He yelled then sneered, anger rolling off of him, “If she wasn’t brain washed, she was tortured. And Hydra can make even an asshole like you squeal in seconds. Just look into her fucking eyes, there’s nothing but pain. If you even think of touching her, you’ll have to go through me first.”

Steve stood up, pressing a hand against Bucky’s chest, worried that he would lunge at Fury at any second.

“Hey, let’s just calm down,” He said firmly, flicking his gaze between Fury and Bucky.

Friday’s voice suddenly cut through the tense room, “The tower has been infiltrated and is under attack. Security footage shows they are Hydra agents, approximately 500 and more are coming in.”

Steve and Bucky shared a look a moment before everyone sprang into action.

\--Kira’s POV—

I opened my eyes to the sound of a distant alarm. I sat up, quickly rubbing the sleep from my eyes. _What?_ I remembered that Nat had told me the name of the ceiling voice.

“Uh, Friday?” My voice was rough from sleep, “What’s that alarm?”

“The tower has been infiltrated and is under attack,” She responded and I froze.

_Under attack. Hydra. Father._

I ran to the wall, pressing my hands against it, “Let me out.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Anger flushed through me, my claws scraped against the wall.

“Let. Me. Out,” I snarled, my voice lowered an octave.

“I’m not authorized to let you out.”

_Father._ My thoughts raced, both fear and anger coursed through me, filling me with adrenaline. I sliced at the material of the wall, it gave off popping noises accompanied with a few sparks. My shoulders hunched forwards as I threw all of my weight against it. _The team._ Images of different team members at the hands of Hydra – of Father – shot through my mind. _Tony. Sam. Steve._ A frustrated growl erupted from my mouth as I hacked at the wall. _Wanda. Banner. Nat. Clint._ More sparks rained onto the floor as I doubled my efforts once again, ignoring my aching arms.

_Bucky._

My eyes widened and a roar tore through me as I dealt a final blow. A shower of sparks rained over me as I fell through the wall, landing on the palms of my hands. I snapped my head up and took off on all fours, ripping at the ground to propel myself forward. I turned away from the elevator, deciding that it was too slow and burst through the door that had a stairs sign on it.

_Find his scent._ I breathed in focusing my attention. He was on a lower floor. I flung myself over the railings of the stairs, hopping down floor by floor. I felt a crack in one of my toes when I landed slightly off, but I ignored it. The sounds of gunfire and shouting was growing louder. I stopped when I reached the fifth floor, hearing heavy footsteps coming up the steps.

I opened the door. _Bucky._ He was on this floor somewhere, so were Sam, Clint, and Nat. I rounded the corner, spotting Sam fighting hand to hand with a Hydra agent. Another came up from behind and I saw him reach to his side for a gun.

_Sam._ I barreled towards the him just as he managed to knock the agent in front of him out. He looked at me wide-eyed when he saw me and I recognize the expression. _Fear._ I dove over him, he crouched down trying to avoid me, and landed on the other agent, who know had the gun in his hand.

A loud shot rung out as I drug my claws across his throat, slicing deep enough for him to bleed out in seconds. I stood up, turning to Sam who was staring at the blood seeping out of my stomach.

“What’s happening?”

“The – uh – Hydra got in. They had some sort of device that made Tony’s suit, my wings, and a lot of our tech useless,” He blurted out, “Are you-?”

“I’m fine, where are the others?”

“I know Steve and Banner are trying to prevent them from getting past the first and second floors. Tony called Thor for help. Uh, Clint and Nat are here somewhere. Bucky! I just saw him,” He pointed down the hallway while more Hydra agents were coming out of the stairs door.

I nodded once and took off down that way, taking out a few agents on my way past them. I heard one radio in telling someone my location, but it didn’t faze me. I already knew Father was here.

I fought through more Hydra agents as I worked through the hall, when I realized something. A chill worked its way from the top of my head to my toes. _They aren’t fighting back._ It was too easy. None even reached for their guns. After I killed the last agent, I turned my head to the end of the hall and froze.

My heart dropped as my legs crumbled underneath me, my knees hitting the tiled floor. I heard footsteps running up behind me, without looking, I knew it was Sam and Steve. They stopped beside me and I heard Sam curse under his breath.

At the end of the hall was Father, his lips upturned into a smug sneer with one hand holding a gun to Bucky’s head and his other arm wrapped around his neck. He strode forward, pulling Bucky with him, until they stood right in front of me.

“We have almost all of your agents down, “ Steve tightened his grip on his shield, “You lost. Let him go or we'll do this the hard way.”

Father smiled at me, ignoring Steve. He turned to an agent on his right, I recognized him as Father’s second in command, Alexei, and barked an order at him. Alexei smoothly took control over Bucky, training the his gun on the same spot Father did.

“Why so sad, my little Schatz?” His mouth was smiling, but his eyes has a dangerous gleam in them. He got that look right before something painful happened to me. It was an excited, almost manic expression that made my stomach churn.

I looked up at him, my chest felt heavy, like I couldn’t get enough air.

“Please,” I blurted out, still on my knees, “Just take me back, don’t hurt them. It was my fault-“

I immediately shut my mouth when his smile vanished. His hand darted out, grabbing me by my hair and yanking me up. Steve, Sam, and Bucky’s protests rang out and it response, Father used the gun in his other hand to shoot Bucky’s shin. A suppressed scream erupted from him and I bit my lip until blood ran down my chin.

With a snap of his fingers, two agents emerged at the end of the hallway behind us, shooting darts into both Steve and Sam’s necks. Sam instantly fell limp and Steve opened his mouth to say something, but then slumped into the floor. Bucky shouted out Steve’s name.

Father twisted my head to face him, “Did you already forget your place, little girl? Trying to order your Father, tsk tsk.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I mumbled, “I wanna go home. Please take me home.”

“No,” Bucky said through a clenched jaw, balancing his weight away from his wounded leg.

I swallowed thickly. Father narrowed his eyes at me, before turning to Bucky.

“Such a shame. A waste, really. The Winter Soldier had so much potential,” He clicked his tongue at him.

Bucky suddenly twisted out of Alexei’s grasp, kicking him away before diving at Father. I flew to my feet, quickly knocking Bucky off balance and landing on top of him, pressing my fingertips into his neck. He tried to get up, but I carefully let the tips of my claws dig into his flesh. He understood the warning and looked up at me, hurt and betrayal flickering across his face.

“You don’t have to do this,” He whispered, “Please.”

I kept my gaze hard, though I felt like my heart was shriveling, “It was always going to end like this.”

I wish he understood, but the look he gave me said otherwise. I gritted my teeth. I was angry; angry at the part of myself that thought this would work out. _This is what I get for having hope._ After all my years on this earth, I have seemed to learn nothing. _Why am I so dumb?_

Father slowly clapped behind me, “Very good, little Schatz.”

He brought out a device and pressed a few buttons, resulting in a large explosion at the end of the hall. Dust washed over us like a tidal wave and the night sky was shown through the hole it caused. I could hear the faint sound of a helicopter coming closer.

I looked down at Bucky, who had a defeated and angry expression, sadness no longer in it. I knew Father wasn’t going to let him walk away. The helicopter was closing in along with another sound, faint but present and growing closer as well.

“Kill him,” The Russian words cut through my focus.

I swallowed, a half-ass plan hatching in my head. I let go of Bucky’s neck and stood up, he scrambled to his feet as quickly as he could with one injured leg.

I hunched my shoulders and raised my hands, “Let’s see how well the Winter wannabe can fight.”

I almost didn’t recognize my own voice, hearing Father chuckle behind me. Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with a kick to the gut. He forcefully exhaled and stumbled a few steps back, towards the hole in the wall. He grunted, looking at me with wild eyes, before grabbing his knife and swinging at me. They must have taken his guns.

He was incredibly fast, I barely had time to block his attacks, desperately trying to find openings. My fist finally connected with his jaw, sending him further back. The helicopter had come into view behind him, I mentally cursed as I saw an artillery gun mounted on it. I winced when he sliced into my arm as I was blocking him.

I pushed him further back, relying on my heightened instincts to anticipate his movements. I was losing energy and fast, but I used the flurry of emotions inside of me to fuel my actions. _He’ll never forgive me._ The thought passed through my mind and he seized the opportunity to cut through my collarbone, clearly aiming for my throat. _If he even survives._ He was a foot away from the hole now, the wind whipping both of our hair.

“Enough!” A gun shot aimed at the ceiling made us both freeze, “End him.”

For a second, I listened for the sound again, and sure enough, it was even closer now. I looked at him, the edges of my vision steadily going dark as I swayed. He was glaring back at me, tears in the corners of his eyes. _I’m sorry._ I tried to say through my eyes before landing one last kick to the middle of his chest. He flew backwards into the night sky.

In the next second, I turned and bolted to Father. The artillery gun sprung to life, peppering my torso with bullet holes. The adrenaline masked the pain into a sharp sting. I’ll never forget the expression on his face: a mixture of terror, surprise, and…pride? I flew into him, sinking my teeth into his neck before we hit the ground. The taste of his blood filled my mouth and I felt my pupils dilate at the metallic taste.

With a sharp tug of my head, he was dead in seconds. I found myself standing over his lifeless body. I vaguely remember slaughtering the other agents and the helicopter abandoning them. A coldness seeped into my chest as I stared at his mouth hanging open.

A growl erupted from me before tearing into his body. His soft flesh between my fingers just seemed to stoke my rage. It felt like my bones had grown thorns and my heart was on fire, while the rest of my body was ice cold. I twisted his arms out of place and snapped his ankles until his feet turned the other way.

“How is it FAIR?!” I screamed, shredding his body.

I punched his face over and over, until my knuckles were shattered and some bones protruded out.

“YOU’LL NEVER GET TO FEEL THE PAIN YOU PUT ME THROUGH!”

By now, I could see his spine. I grabbed it with both hands and twisted. A sickening crunch echoed through the hall. I wish he was alive. I wish he was alive to feel it all.

_Feel it all._

“Hey,” A familiar voice called out to me. I snapped my head up to see Nat standing a few feet away.

I was panting, but taking shallow breaths, my claws still half-heartedly passed through the mush of flesh and blood underneath me.

“It’s okay,” She said in a soft voice, “It’s over.”

My lips twitched as they hung open, trying to form words. She thankfully seemed to understand.

“Bucky’s okay. Tony caught him. Everyone’s okay.”

I found myself nodding, reaching a hand out to her as temporary relief washed over me. I felt my body slumping over and darkness overtook me.

…

_“Do you think I’ll ever fall in love?” I mused, peeling potatoes in the small kitchen._

_Gran chuckled as she stirred the pot of stew, “You’re too young to worry about that.”_

_I smiled, turning to her with the peeling knife in my hand, “But it’s fun to think about.”_

_“Love isn’t all fun, Lamb,” She shot me a look._

_I hummed, tossing up the potato and catching it a few times._

_“Then what do you think love is?” I asked after a moment._

_She wiped her hands on a dishtowel and turned her body towards me. Her eyes looked out of the window behind me as a soft smile grew on her face._

_“Love is tricky. Most of the time it isn’t easy. When you love someone, you’re giving them the power to hurt you, but you’re also giving them the power to enhance your life and make you happier,” She made eye contact with me and I could see the warmth in her eyes, “That is why you must love wisely.”_

_I furrowed my brows, “But how will I know who will hurt me?”_

_She returned the wooden spoon to the pot, “As I said, love is tricky. Sometimes, it can blind you and turn a wolf into a sheep in your eyes. You have to ask if they are worth the risk. It’s rarely straight forward; love is the wildest emotion. Love will make you happy, sad, angry, jealous, confused…you just have to find someone worth feeling it all.”_

_I chewed the inside of my cheek, turning back towards the window. I thought about Gran’s words as I watched the grass dance. I noticed at the edge of the forest, a group of deer grazing lazily as the sun had just started to go down. I looked at the mountain peaks in the distance, wondering if I had a soulmate past them._

_I had read about soulmates in an old book Gran had, it was a love story. It didn’t make much sense for only one person in the whole world to be meant for you, but it was interesting to think about._

_“Enough daydreaming, peel the potatoes!” Gran’s voice was stern, but if I had glanced behind, I was sure I’d find a small smile._

…

My eyes creaked open as I groaned; my entire body pulsed with pain. _What the fuck?_ Memories of what happened rushed back into my mind, causing me to sit up. It was a bad move, an involuntary scream erupted from the back of my throat.

“Woah, hey, it’s okay,” Someone rushed to the side of the bed.

I assumed she was a nurse since she was wearing scrubs. _Bucky._ I looked down and realized that I wasn’t restrained. I pushed my legs over the side of the bed as the nurse was yelling for help and trying to push me back down.

Another nurse ran in, paging someone as I stood up. My weight crashed to the floor as a gurgled scream ripped through me as I heaved stomach bile up at the same time.

“Bu-cky,” I managed to get out before blacking out again.

…

“…but he’s my bestfriend, so of course I trust him enough to know. And this way, he can help me, which he does. Just the other…”

Someone was talking right next to me. _Familiar._ I opened my eyes again. _Peter?_

“Who are you talking to?” I murmured, my voice sounding and feeling like sandpaper.

“Woah, uh, hey,” He stuttered and stood up, gripping the sides of the hospital bed.

I blinked a few times, the harsh lights burning my eyes.

“Oh man, Bucky’s gonna be so mad that he missed you wake up again.”

“What?” I croaked, suddenly realizing that the pain was absent.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. From the wave of scents, I would guess that I’m on the same floor I was on when I first woke up. It smelled sterile and medicinal, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Or maybe it was because my mouth was so dry.

Something about me felt different, lighter in a way. I swung my legs over the side of the bed again. Peter protested, his hand grazing my bare knee. _Pain._ I jolted away from his touch, the sudden movement sending an ache through my body. _Curse these hospital gowns._

“Sorry!” He apologized, “I don’t think you’re supposed to be out of bed though.”

I grunted in response, slowly putting my weight on my feet. My legs held me up this time. I was weak, I could tell from the first step I took towards the door. When the IV pulled on my arm, I ripped it out along with other sensors stuck to me.

“Yeah, she’s awake and she’s walking,” Peter was suddenly holding his phone to his ear, “No, I can’t see any nurses around…I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that if I can’t touch her. I don’t have my gear.”

Peter continued to argue with Tony on the phone as I slowly wandered down the hall. _I have to find him. I have to apologize. I have to-_ I turned the corner into another hallway when I stopped, eyes fixed ahead of me. _Bucky._

He stopped as well at the sight of me after he stepped out of the elevator. He was wearing jeans and dark red hoodie underneath a well-worn leather jacket. His hair was wet and hanging loose, like he had just showered. The stubble on his jaw was longer and there were dark circles under his eyes. I scanned his eyes, remembering the look in them moments before I kicked him out of the building.

He looked surprised at first, quickly fading to relief, then concern. The corners of my mouth twitched upwards and his grew into a small grin. He didn’t seem like he knew what to do.

We walked towards each other, he had a slight limp which made me grimace, remembering the pain on his face from before. He stood in front of me and I couldn’t read the expression on his face as he looked down at me with a ghost of a grin on his lips. I opened my mouth, but I struggled to find words as he waited.

Reality suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. _I killed Father._ I destroyed my known in favor for the unknown, the uncertain. There would be another Father, there always was, but for the time being, I was… _free?_ I looked into his eyes, noticing a gloss of wetness sheen over them. _Sadness? Fear?_

“I thought,” His deep voice rumbled as he spoke low, “I thought I – we – lost you.”

I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding and before I could stop myself, I threw my arms around him, pressing my face into his neck. _Pain._ I clenched my jaw and squeezed my eyes shut, feeling his body tense.

I held firm, going against my instinct to pull away. _Please, just let me have this._ I breathed in his scent and the alarms quieted down. The urge was, temporarily at least, dampened down by the waves of comfort emanating from him.

“I’m so sorry,” I said in a small voice.

After a moment, he tightened his arms around my waist, pressing our bodies closer together. I leaned all of my weight onto him.

“Nothing to be sorry for, Doll,” He murmured into my hair.

“I threw you out of a building,” I responded, not yet wanting to let go.

He breathed a laugh, “I have a feeling you knew Tony was there.”

I loosened my grip, “I hoped it was him. Sam had said they made his suit useless.”

He shook his head, “He got it back up and working again. Just in time too.”

“I thought she didn’t like to be touched?” Peter’s voice said behind me.

I instantly let go of Bucky, moving to step away, but my leg gave out from under me. Bucky pulled me back against him before I could fall, his front pressing against my back. I leaned against him again. A tiredness started to seep its way into my muscles.

“Hey, look who’s back from the dead,” Tony commented, stepping out of the elevator doors.

I sighed as he went to stand next to Peter. Bucky tightened his hold on me by a fraction.

“How long was I out?” I muttered.

“Little over two weeks,” He responded, his eyes scanning my figure, “How do you feel?”

I blinked a few times, not used to Tony being sincere.

“Uh, tired…sore,” I grunted as I shifted my weight on my feet, “and weak. Other than that, I’m fine.”

Bucky reached down and picked me up bridal-style. I yelped out of surprise and locked my arms around his neck. I didn’t like being off of the ground, but I was so exhausted, I didn’t protest.

“Let’s get you back to bed, Doll,” He gave me a smile, turning around before Tony or Peter could say anything.

He walked to the elevator and I glanced back, “Back to my box?”

He shook his head, his grin grew bigger as the door shut closed and he carefully hit a button, balancing me in his arms.

“Nope. We got you a new box,” He winked at me.

The combination of the low hum the elevator made as it moved and the warmth of his scent still invading my senses made my eyelids droop. I rested my head against his bicep, the cool leather pressing into my face.

Fear was still present, stalking in the corners of my mind. My thoughts were swimming and hazy. Part of me felt lost, like I was floating in uncertainty. I lazily wondered if I had come to rely on the certainty of pain. One last thought emerged to the surface before my eyes fluttered shut.

_What now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone for the support on this story. I'm really enjoying writing it and I'm so happy that some of you are enjoying it as well. The story is far from done, I have some more plot twists up my sleeve and, of course, there is a love story element *wink wink nudge nudge*.


	6. I See You.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a lighter chapter perhaps? I wrote part of this at 4 am lol. 
> 
> Warning: short nongraphic mention of rape

\--3rd Person POV—

Bucky carefully laid Kira in her bed, trying not to wake her. As he stood back up, he let out a sigh. She almost looked like a different person when she slept. Her hair was splayed out on her pillow as she slowly, instinctively curled up on one side.

As she bent her knees, her gown rode up slightly. Bucky found himself staring at her bare thigh, her skin completely repaired after the attack and looked so soft and smooth. His eyes traveled upward on their own. He bit his bottom lip, but quickly shook his head. He pulled the covers over her, tucking her in.

A soft sigh came from her slightly parted lips. He grinned but looking around the room. He, Nat, Sam, and Clint helped with her new space. Nat bought her clothes and hygiene products, Clint and Sam both helped move and assemble some furniture that Tony brought in. He hoped she would like it. A space of her own, without being watched or kept inside.

“She’ll love it,” Steve said, standing at the open door.

Bucky gave one last look to Kira before walking over to join him. Steve grinned and clapped a hand on his back. They shut her door lightly and walked together down the hall. Kira’s room was across the hall from Bucky’s and right next to Steve’s.

“So, uh,” Steve cleared his throat, “Tony said she hugged you.”

Bucky reluctantly nodded, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, “Yeah. She did. She seems more comfortable with me now…”

Steve sensed there was more to the story. Majority of the time, he could read Bucky pretty well. He gave him a look that told him to go on. Bucky stopped walking and let out a heavy sigh.

“I’ve just been thinking about what Fury said and…and I just don’t know. I mean, I don’t know if what I feel for her is…real, is from me. Sometimes when she looks at me, I get a feeling that she’s looking for…him.”

“And what do you…feel for her?” Steve was cautious with his words.

“See, that’s confusing too. I…I just feel like she’s just out of my reach, like at any moment, she could disappear. And that terrifies me to no end.”

Bucky walked over to the side of the hallway, pressing his back against it and sliding down to sit on the tiled floor. Steve did the same on the other side of the hallway, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Do you think there could be a future for you and her?” Steve asked after a moment, genuinely curious, and Bucky snorted.

“I’ve never thought of a future with me and anyone,” Bucky stared at his metal hand as he flexed it, “You know me, I’m a perpetual bachelor.”

He tried to lighten the mood even though his heart was sinking. He wasn’t lying when he said he hasn’t thought about a future with Kira. In truth, he couldn’t allow himself to think that far ahead.

“What do you want then?”

The words from Bucky’s mouth poured out before he could think, “I want her to be happy.”

“Even if it’s not with me,” He added.

Steve nodded, inside he was proud of his friend. He had certainly came a long way since his “lady’s man” days. His heart tightened at the thought of everything the man in front of him has endured. Ever since Kira arrived, he had smiled more and had been more engaged with the rest of the team.

But Steve was also nervous. Kira’s future with them was uncertain and she had an air of unpredictability that made him uneasy at times. That video footage still haunted him. He felt the need to protect Bucky, but also didn’t want to ruin a shot, however unlikely it may be, at happiness with someone for him. He knew how much it hurt to lose the love of your life. It can bring even the strongest to their knees and Bucky, while he was still improving every day, was still weak in some ways.

“Maybe you should talk to her,” Steve settled on age-old advice.

Bucky nodded absentmindedly, looking back towards her room, lost in his own thoughts again.

\--Kira POV—

_Am I laying on a cloud?_ I opened my eyes, bringing my hand up to rub them when I found it was under a sheet and blanket. I sat up and looked around, instantly becoming more aware. _Where am I?_ Panic coursed through me before I recognized the scents around me. I was still in the tower.

I remembered that Bucky mentioned a new box. This must be it, except it wasn’t a box, it was a room, a bedroom. I blinked a few times as I looked down at the large bed. It could easily fit at least three people, snuggly. The blanket was thick and a dark blue. I stood from the bed, discovering that it was a lot higher off of the ground than my previous bed. The bedframe had four posters and was made from a dark-stained wood.

To my right, there was bathroom quadrupled the size of the one in my old box. I found a lot of bottles and jars of creams and gels, big towels, and a large mirror over the sink. I momentarily gazed at my reflection. I was pale and my hair was wild and partially matted. My pupils were halfway formed into slits, probably due to the new space.

I decided to take a quick shower and taming my hair in the process. I towel-dried my hair, slightly amazed at how soft they were. I put my gown back on for the time being.

After leaving the bathroom, I immediately went over to the large bookshelf, made of the same wood as my bedframe. I grinned as I swiped my fingertips along the spines, some I was still in the process of reading, but most were new ones. By the bookshelf was another room. I clicked the light on and was taken aback by the amount of clothes I saw hanging up.

_Maybe this room is used for storage too._ I was making my way over to the monitor on top of a dresser on the wall facing my bed when there was a soft knocking at the last door in the room.

“It’s me,” Nat’s voice carried through it and I padded over to the door to open it.

And to my surprise, it did.

Nat smiled at me from the hallway. _Hallway?_

“Like your new room?” She said, walking past me.

After a moment of hesitation, I closed the door and joined her as she stood at the foot of my bed. She put her hands on her hips and looked around.

“I think it turned out good,” She pointed to the bookshelf, “Bucky and Sam spent two hours trying to put that thing together.”

I breathed out a small laugh, imagining the process.

“When does the door lock?” I asked, still confused by the unlocked door.

Nat gave me a soft look, “Whenever you decide to lock it.”

I furrowed my brows. The freedom should be welcomed, but for some reason, it made my insides itch.

“You still can’t leave the tower and you can’t access some floors, but you have more freedom now,” She responded before adding, “Oh, I almost forgot. For the time being, you have to wear these again outside of your room,” She pulled out the gloves and shoes Tony made for me out of her back pocket.

I took them from her and put them on quickly, even though I was still in my room. She didn’t say anything as I did so. The hissing sounds didn’t startle me like they did the first time and, while they weren’t exactly comfortable, I was almost relieved that I had some restrictions.

“Oh, you saw the clothes,” She smiled, walking over to the closet where I had left the light on, “I’m pretty good at judging sizes, but I didn’t exactly know your style so-“

“Why?” I heard myself said, “I mean, thank you, but why?”

“Well unless your style is hospital couture,” She gestured to the gown I still had on, “I figured you would want some other clothes to choose from.”

“No, I mean, why this,” I gestured around the room, “Why do I have more…freedom?”

She paused for a moment.

“Come here,” She said, sitting down on the side of my bed and patting the spot next to her.

I sat down, letting my legs dangle over the side.

“I know this is a lot to take in right now,” She began, “I was once in your place. I was in a horrible place, controlled by others, and forced to do things that I will never forget. But then I was offered a second chance, a chance at a life I never knew was possible for me.”

She let her words sink in before continuing, “I don’t know what they did to you, but I know that after spending so much time in fear and under control, it can be overwhelming and confusing. You have to figure out who you are without that control.”

I swallowed, “What if I hurt people?”

She hummed, “Hmm, well why did you hurt people before?”

“At Hydra,” I winced, “it was to avoid punishment.”

I thought for a moment, “And here…it was to protect Sam, then Bucky.”

“Those are valid reasons in my book,” She shrugged, “Now if it was to protect Tony, then I might have questioned your judgement.”

She smiled at me and I breathed out a chuckle. I knew she was trying to make me feel better. A new thought occurred to me and I turned to her.

“Uh, Nat?” She titled her head, “I’ve never had that many clothes and I’m not exactly used to picking out my own outfit…I was wondering if-“

Before I could finish, she was inside my closet. At first, I was nervous to what she would pick, but she thankfully kept it simple. I started changing right away, I was used to having no privacy. I pulled on the black sports bra and black panties she flung at me.

“Barnes is a lucky man,” She clicked her tongue, winking at me when she turned to find me in the underwear.

I snorted, “What?”

She gave me a look as I pulled on the black and white striped top she gave me.

“You can’t fool me, hun,” She replied, holding out a pair of black leggings to me.

I slid the stretchy fabric up and over my thighs. I was pleased that I could easily move in these and, though they hugged my skin, it didn’t feel suffocating. I ran a gloved hand through my damp hair and looked at her, waiting for further instruction.

She smiled, “You look good in clothes that are actually meant for women. Come on, there’s someone new to meet.”

\--3rd Person POV—

Clint and Sam were sitting in the armchairs in the lounge room. Sam was on his phone and Clint was nodded off, propping his head up on his elbow. Bucky and Steve were sitting on the large couch, joking about a time before the war when Bucky made Steve go with him on a double date. Thor and Tony were standing behind the couch at the bar, catching up.

Nat walked in and cleared her voice, turning all attention on her, even Clint’s. Kira was standing beside her, her eyes flickering around the room before settling on Thor. She looked him up and down, as if appraising him, a hardness flashed in her eyes.

Bucky heard Steve swallow next to him. Kira looked…different. At first he was nervous that when everyone saw her, they would be reminded of the footage they all saw. But the image of Kira now does not reflect who they saw on the screen at all. Her curves were now visible in the well-fitting clothes. Bucky’s eyes traveled down, roving over how the material stretched over the curve of her ass.

Sam grinned, his eyes appreciating her figure as well, quicker than Bucky though. Steve didn’t know if he should look at her or not. He had seen Nat in more revealing clothes, but with Kira…it seemed like an invasion of privacy. Clint shared a look with Nat, silently approving of the clothes she picked out. Tony considered, for a brief moment, being nicer to Kira. And Thor, he couldn’t see why the rest of the team had been so hesitant about Kira.

\--Kira POV—

“Damn, you clean up nice,” Sam’s voice thankfully cut through the silence that settled over the room when we walked in.

Bucky glared at Sam before Nat led me over to the large man standing with Tony. He smelled of static and wheat. I tensed as he stood before me, staring at him hard. He didn’t seem to notice my attitude or hesitation.

“Lady Kira!” His voice boomed and I flinched, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I am Thor and I trust that you will be a great addition to the team.”

The next few moments seemed to happen in slow motion, my heighten senses taking over. He stretched his arms to me, stepping forward and leaning in. I grabbed his hand, the one without a drink in it, twisting my body so my back was to him. I coiled forward, using his momentum against him and throwing his body over my shoulder with a deep growl.

His back slammed into the floor, causing a nearby barstool to shake. I still held onto his hand and before his body was settled onto the ground, I placed my heel into his shoulder. I twisted his arm, starting to use my body weight as leverage to snap it, when a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back.

“You were told not to touch her,” Clint said, clearly annoyed.

“Hey, you’re okay,” Bucky said, slowly releasing his hold on me.

I hesitantly relaxed, watching carefully as Thor stood up, slightly red in the face.

“She flipped a god,” Tony mused from over top of his glass.

“Lady Kira,” Thor grinned, this time keeping his distance, “Though I apologize for my forwardness, I still hold that you will be a great addition to the team.”

“Thank you,” I said reluctantly.

“I must return to Asgard for now,” He turned to address Tony, “I am glad I could be of assistance. And Lady Kira,” He turned to me, Bucky tightened his arms around my waist, “hopefully, through our next meeting, we can become friends.”

“Yeah, can you do the whole ‘beam me up, Scottie’ thing outside this time?” Tony said, grabbing Thor’s arm and leading him to the elevator.

“Well that went well,” Nat said, pouring herself a drink.

“You can let her go now, Casanova,” Sam said after nudging Clint.

Clint grinned and chuckled. Bucky slowly released me and I instantly missed his heat against my back. Bucky rolled his eyes, but didn’t comment further. Instead, he took my gloved hand and led me the other side of the glass coffee table. He sat on the floor and I sat beside him, facing Steve who was sitting on the couch.

“So what are we doing?” Sam said, sitting back down in an armchair as Nat sat by Steve on the couch.

“A drinking game,” Nat said grinning almost evilly as Tony came back and sat on the other side of Nat.

Clint groaned, “Those two can’t even get drunk,” pointing at Steve and Bucky.

“Yeah, and I don’t think I want Ole Chompers over there to get tipsy,” Tony added.

Both Steve and Bucky sent him a glare.

“Fine, those three can drink water,” Nat relented, “Come on, we rarely get to have fun.”

“What’s the game?” I asked.

“Never have I ever,” Nat raised her eyebrows up and down.

After a short explanation of the game, I understood the rules and how to play. As everyone got up to either replenish their drink or get one, Bucky gave me a look. His eyebrow was raised, as if to ask me if I was okay with playing. I nodded, curious as to what will happen.

“I’ll get you some water,” He smiled, jumping up.

When he returned with our glasses, the game started.

“Okay, never have I ever…had sex with a man,” Sam smiled, looking at Nat.

She rolled her eyes and took a drink, “Cheap shot.”

I took a drink of my water as well. It was Steve’s turn next.

“Never have I ever-“

Tony cut him off, “Let me guess, not paid my taxes.”

“Or, disrespected a gal,” Clint added, making everyone but Steve snicker.

Steve glared at the two, “Fine. Never have I ever had any issues…getting it up.”

“Oooo,” Nat laughed.

Sam and Tony reluctantly took a drink.

“Why would you admit that?” Clint mused.

“First of all, it’s perfectly natural to happen once in a blue moon. And second of all, Nat knows literally everything and we all know she takes her games seriously,” Sam defended himself.

“Damn right,” Nat smiled, “Never have I ever willingly bled during sex,” Her gaze was focused on Clint and he shot her a glare.

He took a drink and Bucky spoke up, “What the hell does that mean?”

Clint rolled his eyes, “It was one time. The girl was into some…weird stuff.”

I chuckled and took a drink. This didn’t go unnoticed by Sam.

“Wait. You?” Sam’s eyes were wide.

“Yeah, when did you even…” Steve started but couldn’t make himself finish.

I shrugged, “I escaped Hydra once, so for a time…I think it was for 3 years...I was free. It was in the beginning so I hadn’t really been tortured or punished yet. I had never really got to explore sex before, so I used that time to experiment, I guess. Not just sex, but everything I could.”

“So you were into some kinky shit,” Sam said, still slightly shocked.

Bucky shifted beside me as I chuckled awkwardly.

“Not necessarily,” I explained, “My body heals, so every time I have sex, it’s like my first time. I…bleed…every time unless I haven’t had enough time to heal together the skin down there.”

I felt my cheeks heat up slightly. I’ve never embarrassed easily especially after getting used to every part of my body being heavily examined and being expected to answer any question, risqué or not, at the Guild and Hydra. But now, as I sit next to Bucky and across from a very flustered Steve, I felt a pang of regret for revealing too much information. Tony, as usual, did not help.

“You’re a perpetual virgin,” Tony said almost in wonder.

“Okay, let’s get back to the game,” Steve said, clearing his voice.

I glanced at Bucky and saw a light tint of pink across his cheeks. He was staring at his glass of water, either deep in thought or avoiding my gaze.

“Never have I ever,” Clint stared at me in a playful manner, “killed and ate my partner after having sex with them.”

Tony and Nat snorted while Steve groaned. Sam pretended to wait with bated breath to see if I took a drink, leaning forward and pressing his hands together.

“I’m not a praying mantis!” I exclaimed, causing Bucky to laugh.

“Oh thank God, I was worried for you there for a minute, Buck,” Sam taunted, causing more laughter among the group.

Bucky rolled his eyes and stood up, holding a hand out for me. I took it, smiling.

“Okay, you punks play your little game, we have better things to do,” He announced, leading me out of the room.

“I bet you do!” Sam shouted and I couldn’t hold in a small giggle.

…

I was pleased when he led me to the library after eating a quick snack in the kitchen. As we took our seats on the couch, I decided that this was my favorite room so far, even though my new box, or room, is nice as well. The library was semi-isolated, so there was a lulling quiet and softness in the air. I slowly stretched my arms up, popping my elbows. I noticed something off about Bucky and turned to him.

He was staring at the nearby wall of books and I could tell that something was on his mind. Concern fluttered inside of me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and he turned his gaze on me.

He looked almost apologetic, “I…think we need to talk.”

I looked down, it felt like I shrunk in the few seconds after he spoke. He placed a hand on my knee, but I still didn’t look at him.

“I just…I guess I’m trying to figure out…,” He seemed to struggle for the right words and I waited, holding my breath, “Well, first, I wanna ask you something.”

I glanced up at him. _He’s worried, nervous._ I nodded at him.

“What happened between you and him? I know I said I don’t like talking about…that part of my life, and I don’t, but I need to know.”

I took a slow, deep breath, staring at his flesh hand on my knee. Memories of Winter flickered through my mind, leaving a trail of unknown emotions. _I won’t hurt you, Little One._ His deep, rough voice emerged through my thoughts.

“I first met Winter when Father…gifted me to him,” I cleared my voice, “If a top agent or soldier performed well enough, sometimes they would get to…have their way with me when I was sedated and restrained.”

An involuntary shudder passed through me and I felt Bucky’s thumb slowly rub circles on my knee. Such a gentle touch prevented my thoughts from spiraling, grounding me. I swallowed and continued.

“He was left alone with me, but he didn’t…touch me like that. He came to visit me twice after that, I-I don’t think he was supposed to, he was alone both times. The second time was much shorter, but he brought me an apple and three slices of bread. It was the best meal I had in a long time.”

_“What do you want?” I asked him as he stared down at me from the other side of the bars._

_He didn’t answer. His eyes were cold and detached, analyzing my figure. He wore all black, his metal arm exposed and I my eyes fell on the red star on the shoulder. I stepped closer to him, watching him intently. He didn’t use me like the others did and maybe that was the reason for my bravery. He didn’t move._

_“Why are you here, Winter?” I whispered, coming as close to the humming bars as I dared._

_He momentarily looked confused before settling back to neutral, “I don’t know.”_

_My body acted on its own, my mind was both spinning and blank at the same time. I reached forward, then quickly put my hand down before I could accidentally touch the electrified metal. He tilted his head a fraction and glanced at the bars. He quickly walked away, leaving me standing confused._

_I jumped as the humming suddenly cut off and he soon returned, returning to his spot in front of me. My eyes were wide as I looked at him with surprise, confusion, and suspicion. He glanced at the bars again before looking back at me. After a moment, I cautiously reached through the bars, still avoiding the metal just in case._

_I pressed my palm flat against his chest, faintly feeling his heartbeat through his leather shirt. He visibly tensed, but still wore the same expression. I looked up from my hand to his face. We stared at each other for a moment, some sort of silent understanding flowed through our eyes. He reached up with his flesh hand, his fingertips grazing the back of mine. I sucked in a breath and he quickly retreated, trying again with his metal hand._

_He carefully peeled my hand away from him and I returned it to my side._

_“Thank you,” I whispered, not fully understand what I was thanking him for._

_He nodded, “You’re welcome…Little one.”_

“Hey, you still with me?” Bucky’s gentle voice brought me back to the present.

I nodded, tucking a stray hair behind my ear, “Yeah, I was just…remembering.”

“Nat asked me if I was in love with him,” I admitted quietly and shook my head, “I wasn’t. I think it was more of a…mutual desperation or something. He couldn’t love. I couldn’t love…I’m still not sure if I’ll be able to even if I never have to go back.”

He lightly placed a knuckle under my chin, lifting my gaze to his. His eyes were bright and serious.

“You will never, ever have to go back to Hydra…or anyone like them,” He assured me firmly.

I gave him a small smile. I was touched by his sincerity, even though I knew he couldn’t possibly know that.

“I’m just worried that…when you look at me, you see him,” He confessed, removing his knuckle.

I furrowed my brows, wondering what caused this train of thought. As I looked into his eyes, dancing with several emotions, I smiled even wider. Now it was my turn to make him look at me. I gently placed my gloved hands on the sides of his jaw, cupping his face and turning him to me. I locked eyes with him, hopefully conveying my seriousness even with the grin on my face.

“You are not Winter,” I stated, “When I look at you, I see Bucky. I see the first person to show me real kindness and make me laugh in a long time. I see someone I could talk to for hours, even about the dumbest things. I see someone who cares about me and others, who understands me even when I can’t find the words to explain. Someone who can somehow go from cocky as hell, to blushing in a few moments.”

“You are more than Winter could ever be,” my voice grew soft, “I see you, James.”

As I was talking, he smiled, but as his first name passed through my lips, it dropped. His gaze flickered to my lips as I unconsciously bit my lower lip. He was so close, his scent was almost intoxicating. He held a look in his eyes that I didn’t recognize, perhaps because my thoughts suddenly weren’t working anymore.

He leaned towards me, his scruff lightly scratching my palms. I tilted my head the other way, leaning forward as well, my body taking control.

My eyes fluttered closed as his soft lips pressed into mine.

He placed his hands on my hips, pulling me closer to him. I felt like I was floating, the other thing tethering me down was him. I moved my lips against his, pressing slightly harder against him; muscle memory taking over as desired sparked through me.

I wanted more, I wanted so much more, but I restrained myself. It seems he was doing the same, he didn’t push the kiss any further. I opened my eyes again as he slowly pulled away and my hands moved to rest on his chest. His grin was bashful as he looked at me.

After a moment of neither of us knowing what to say, I finally spoke up.

“Walk me to my room?” I asked, my voice strangely high pitched.

He chuckled and nodded.

After a few moments of awkwardness, we fell into a comfortable conversation. We decided to have a movie night tomorrow as there were several films he insisted that I watch. I agreed and, as we reached my door, he pointed out that his room was across the hallway from mine just in case I needed anything.

After we said goodnight and I shut my door behind me, I took a moment to collect an organize my thoughts. I had no clue where this was going, any of it. I remembered Nat’s words as I looked towards my bed. I guess it was time to figure out who I really am.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I was wondering if there were any tags or relationships that you guys think I should add to this story in the tag list. I'm not the best with tags, so it's quite possible that I need to add more than I have. Thanks for reading!


	7. Routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the notion of Kira messing with Steve. Also, I looked up what sandalwood smells like and it apparently smelled like rich wood. What does that smell like? I dunno, Loki I guess. Hope you enjoy!

For the next few weeks, life fell into a somewhat comfortable routine for me. I would wake up earlier than anyone else and, after I gathered enough courage to leave my room by myself, I started making breakfast for Sam, Steve, and sometimes Bucky, who would go for an early morning run.

The times that Bucky wasn’t with them, I figured out that it meant he had nightmares again. Steve explained it to me when I noticed his absence and, later on when he came out of his room, I could see it in his eyes. He had gone somewhere…relived his worst moments. He didn’t seem open to talking about them and I didn’t press. I had nightmares sometimes as well, if I dreamed at all.

Nat helped me find my taste in clothing. She made me try on a wide range of outfits, some girly, some modest, some decked out in leather and metal bits, some…abstract? She found my way of testing the clothes amusing. Anything I couldn’t stretch my leg above my head in or that restricted my arm movements was a no from me. We finally settled on a causal style, adjusting my wardrobe to contain t-shirts, tank tops, sweatpants, jean and sport shorts, and leggings. She insisted I keep a few sundresses and, even though I thought I already had more clothes than I could ever wear, I agreed. She’s very hard to say no to.

Sam and Tony took it upon themselves to educate me on technology, albeit Tony went about it in a more mocking manner. Steve introduced me to the gym equipment and seemed proud when I quickly learned the correct stance in front of the punching bag. Bucky and I would always have our lunch together, sometimes others would join as well. We’d also always end the day in the library, silently reading or joking around.

Once in this span, two people had to leave on a mission, all classified of course. Nat and Clint left for 5 days, coming back tired with minor cuts and bruises. I didn’t think much of it until they returned and I felt overly relieved. It felt good to know that everyone was okay and accounted for.

Bucky never brought up our kiss and we both acted as if it never happened, which I was thankful for. We both knew that we needed time to sort through our feelings, me especially. I wanted to truly know who I was before anything else happened. My boundaries with him became almost nonexistent compared to my boundaries with everyone else, but he still respected my space and seemed to know how to read me if things became too much. I loved that everyday I would learn something new about him and vice versa.

The early mornings were a special time. I was up to see the sunrise and the tower had a blanket of silence over it. I sat on the floor in the dining room, my back resting against the wall and leaning my head on the wall of windows, watching patiently as sunlight slowly crept over the city. I turned my attention to the notebook in my lap. Steve had given the sketchbook and a drawing pencil to me after he noticed a doodle I had made on the edge of one of Tony’s papers when he wasn’t looking.

I had already filled up a few pages, allowing my stream of consciousness to manifest in the form of doodles and sketches. Now, I found myself drawing a familiar mountain range from the viewpoint of one of my favorite spots back when I had a home. I smiled softly as I shading in the tall grass, imagining it dancing in the wind. I paused and looked back over the city, wondering if there was any grass or trees there.

I heard footsteps, ones that I recognized as Bucky’s. I frowned, he was up earlier than usual. He flicked the light on and walked to the kitchen, pausing when he noticed me. He had on sweatpants and a tank top, his hair was fluffed up and he looked half-awake.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark?” He grinned, walking over to me and looking down at me.

I smiled, “Not dark to me,” I pointed at my eyes which were still formed into slits.

He chuckled and sat down beside me, leaning over my shoulder to look inside my book.

I rolled my eyes, “Someone’s nosy today.”

“Where’s that?” He asked ignoring me and pointing to the mountains.

“Home,” I answered simply before explaining, “Well, it was. It was where I grew up. And this…” I flipped to a previous page, “Is Gran. She took care of me and raised me.”

I looked fondly at my drawing of her before slightly frowning, “It doesn’t look exactly like her…I couldn’t remember as much detail as I wanted to.”

“She’s beautiful,” He acknowledged, “You’re really good at this drawing stuff.”

I turned to him, “I think she would’ve liked you.”

He smiled real big, placing his elbows on his knees.

“My Ma would’ve loved you. She always said I needed a gal who could keep me in line,” He mused, his Brooklyn accent becoming slightly heavier.

I snorted and shook my head, “Why are you up so early?”

He grimaced but shrugged, “Nightmare.”

I furrowed my brows, “How much sleep did you get?”

He shrugged again and glanced away. _Not enough._ I stood up, my knees cracking and held out a gloved hand for him. He looked at me slightly confused, but took it with his flesh had. I wordlessly led him out of the dining room, into the elevator, and to the door of my room.

“Uh..” He said as I closed the door behind us and continued to pull him to my bed.

“Lay down,” I instructed, pulling back the comforter for him.

“Uhm, okay,” He mumbled, slipping under the covers and laying his head back on my pillow.

“I’m starting to think Steve’s stories are true,” I said hiding a smile as I tucked him in, “You are very easy to get into bed.”

He snorted and gave me a crooked grin, “All you had to do was ask, Doll.”

“Actually, I didn’t even have to do that,” I snickered, climbing over him to sit on top of the covers beside him.

I leaned slightly over him, “Close your eyes.”

He obeyed, a soft smile still hanging on his lips. I took off one glove and gently brushed my fingertip down from the top of his forehead to the tip of his nose. He jumped slightly at first.

“What are you doing?” He murmured, peeking one blue eye open to look at me.

“When I was younger and had nightmares, I would be too afraid to go back to sleep,” I explained, repeating the action again, “This is what Gran would do to get me to sleep. She said her grandmother taught her it and it’s supposed to prevent bad thoughts and memories from entering your dreams.”

“Did it work?”

“Everytime.”

He grew quiet and I slowly and softly traced the features on his face. I felt his body relax, releasing the tension in his muscles. I started to hum an old lullaby Gran used to sing, gently rocking back and forth, just enough to slowly move his body as well. The rhythm of rocking and tracing, along with the humming, seemed to be working.

He let out a soft sigh, his lips parting open a fraction. I gradually removed more and more pressure on my tracing until I stopped completely. Next, I did the same with the rocking, slowly grinding to halt. Soon, my humming was replaced with his soft snores and I smiled, proud of his slumber. I carefully went to get off of the bed, but paused.

_What if it doesn’t work._ He would wake up in a different room, which could make things worse. I stifled a yawn, the trick has seemingly worked on me as well. After a moment of debate, I slid under the covers and rested my head on the other pillow, laying on my side to face him. I breathed in his scent and listened to his deep breathing, letting it lull me to sleep.

…

A soft knocking sound drifted to my ears, my hazing mind refused to acknowledge it, preferring to bury myself further into the warm body beside me. _Body?_ I cracked my eyes open as Bucky grumbled softly in his sleep. My face was pressed into the crook of his neck with half of my body splayed out over his.

I blinked a few times, feeling his metal arm wrapped around me, pressing me closer as I slowly stirred around. His flesh hand reached up to rub his face after the knocking came again. I propped myself up on my right elbow, clumsily pushing my hair out of my face. He looked at me slightly confused which quickly faded into amusement.

“Morning, Doll,” His deep voice unexpectedly sent a shiver down my spine.

I breathed out a laugh, but before I could respond, Steve’s voice came from the other side of the door.

“Kira?” I could hear the concern in his voice, “You okay?”

I dropped my head onto Bucky’s chest. I must have slept longer than I thought and missed making him and Sam breakfast. I felt Bucky’s chuckle rumble through his chest.

“She’s good, punk,” He yelled back before I could stop him.

I snorted out a laugh, slapping his stomach. The silence from the other side of the door made us both laugh, imagining the look on Steve’s face.

“Bucky? What are-“ Another beat of silence before he cleared his throat, “Oh…Okay. I mean, I guess I’ll…leave you to it.”

I groaned and laid on my back, my head hitting the other pillow. I brought my hands to my warm face.

“What are the odds that he thinks we were just sleeping?” I grumbled and he laughed.

He turned to me, resting his head on his metal arm and wrapping the other around my waist. I dropped my hands from my face to look at him.

“Slim to none. But your magic face tickling worked,” He grinned, “Best sleep I’ve gotten in a while.”

I glanced at the clock, eyes widening as I saw it was noon. As much as I wanted to stay in our comfortable little nest, I got out of bed slowly and stretched my arms over my head. I walked over to my dresser, picking out a pair of navy leggings along with a bra and panties. I felt his eyes follow me as I walked into the closet, tugging a simple white v-neck t-shirt off its hanger.

I padded into the bathroom, I had already taken a shower this morning, but for some reason, I felt weird changing in front of Bucky. With Nat, it was fine, but a small part of me was worried what he would think.

“I’m gonna get started on our lunch,” His voice called and I responded, “Okay.”

I heard my door open and shut as I quickly changed my clothes. I momentarily pressed my old shirt to my face, pleased that it smelled like him. I shook my head. _What am I doing?_ After changing, I gathered my hair into a high ponytail and slipped on the glove I took off, letting it form to my hand once again.

I opened my door and was startled by Steve leaning against the hallway next to me. I started walking quickly to the elevators, but unfortunately his long legs easily met my pace.

“So,” He started as we walked.

“We weren’t having sex, if that’s what you want to know,” I blurted out, pressing the button to call the elevator.

He tried to hide a smile as we both stepped into the elevator, he pressed the button and clasped his hands in front of him.

After a moment, he spoke up, “I mean, it’s okay if you were doing…that.”

Inwardly, I groaned, my exterior remained neutral, hopefully. That was, until my lips slightly curled into a smile for a moment.

“Are you jealous, Captain?” I feigned seriousness, looking at him with concern.

I watched a range of emotions flicker across his face and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from breaking. His eyes were suddenly everywhere but me.

“No, uh of course not,” He answered quickly.

I appeared to be confused, “Do you not find me attractive?”

He looked at me, mouth opening and closing. He looked like a fish out of water and that’s when I could hold back my laughter. He wasn’t used to me joking around, no one really was except Bucky. After a moment of surprise, he sent me a fake glare but chuckled with me.

The elevator dinged open, revealing a waiting Sam and Tony.

“Why are you blushing?” Tony was quick to point out the light pink still present on Steve’s cheeks.

Before Steve could answer, I shrugged, back to my seriousness and walked past the men.

“We talked about having sex,” I said, semi-truthfully and kept walking.

Sam and Tony quickly jumped at the chance to poke fun at him while he quickly tried to explain what really happened. I smiled as I walked into the kitchen, seeing Bucky making sandwiches. I sat on a bar stool, leaning my head against my hand.

He glanced at me, “What did you do?”

I snorted my surprise, “What are you talking about?”

He slapped a slice of bread on top of one sandwich, “You look smug with that little glint in your eyes. You had the same look when convinced me that books from the 1800s were made from sugar paper.”

I smiled bigger, remembering the look on his face when he licked a page from the library’s oldest book. Sam, Steve, and Tony made their way into the kitchen, Steve was still trying to argue his case.

“Looks like you’ve got competition, Bucky-boy,” Sam gleefully stated.

“No! Why do I bother talking if no one will listen,” Steve complained, coming to stand next to Bucky behind the counter.

“So you don’t find me attractive?” I repeated, putting my bottom lip forward slightly and tilting my head.

Steve pointed a finger at me and squared his shoulders, “Kira. I know what you’re doing.”

Bucky’s eyes shone with amusement as he looked from Steve to me.

“Don’t worry, Babygirl,” Sam said as he sat down at the table and pulled out his phone, “I find you attractive.”

Bucky sent a glare over to him, which he ignored.

“Why are we talking about how hot Kira is?” Nat wandered in from the gym.

I perked up, finding yet another opportunity to push this further. I opened my mouth, but Steve quickly leaned over the island and clamped a hand over my mouth. _Pai-no. Relax._ Steve’s scent was familiar now and I allowed it to silence the alarms in my mind. It helped that his scent was similar to Bucky’s as well.

The room stiffened and Steve seemed frozen. I glanced at Bucky, who looked like he was ready to rip Steve’s arm off. I licked a stripe up his palm and he immediately snapped out of his daze. He looked from his palm to me. He tasted salty and soapy.

“She licked me,” He said incredulously.

“I think she should be our team mascot, “Tony broke the tension, “People love cute animals.”

I rolled my eyes and threw him a soft growl while glaring at him. Bucky snickered and handed me a sandwich. I gleefully bit into it.

“If I growl, do I get a sandwich?” Sam asked from the table and Bucky flipped him off.

I turned and peered over my sandwich at him, “Can you growl?”

He pulled on a seductive expression and rolled an ‘r’. I almost spat out my mouthful of sandwich and Nat laughed loudly. Sam looked offended. I popped the last bite into my mouth, shaking my head at his attempt. Bucky came to sit on the barstool next to me, only halfway through his sandwich. I tensed as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up moments before a loud clap of thunder boomed and the lights flickered.

Bucky wrapped a hand over my shoulders, pulling me into him as my senses went into overdrive.

“It’s Thor,” Nat explained, rubbing her forehead with a towel.

“Did you call him?” Steve looked at Tony who shook his head.

“He better not have hit my tower with his lightning again,” He grumbled before walking off to the elevator.

Steve and Bucky started talking and Sam wandered out of the room, towards the gym. I slipped off the seat and went to stand over by the windows. After a few moments, the elevator opened and I heard heavy footsteps walking towards the kitchen. My back bristled as a new scent hit me. _Wintergreen and…sandalwood?_ It was cool and warm, conflicting tones which made me even more wary.

I walked over to stand next to where Bucky still sat, but was now turned to the hallway. Thor was back, as Nat said, but he brought someone else. I narrowed my eyes as the three men entered the room. Thor was wearing the same thing as before, some sort of royal garb. The newcomer had longer black hair and shifty eyes, decked out in gold, green, and black.

“I’m guessing that’s the one I’m not supposed to touch,” He said, not taking his eyes off of me.

A growl bubbled in my chest before Thor clapped his hands, smiling.

“Lady Kira! It’s nice to see you,” His voice boomed, “Captain. James,” He nodded to the others.

_Does he always seem this excited?_

“This is my brother, Loki,” He said, patting Loki’s back and it seemed to mildly irritate him.

Bucky shifted closer to me, probably a little put off by how much Loki was staring at me. I stared hard back at him when suddenly, his scent grew closer though his body did not move. I didn’t outwardly show my surprise though. Tony called for Bucky’s attention and he reluctantly stood from the stool and stepped slightly away.

“Just let them have their staring contest,” Tony muttered, coaxing Bucky a little more away.

Loki suddenly smiled smugly and turned his attention towards Thor’s conversation. I kept my eyes on him as his scent grew even stronger. I waited, my fingers slightly twitching, as the hairs on the left side of my neck stood up. My hand shot out, curling around flesh as the Loki beside Thor disappeared and he appeared right next to me with his throat in my grip.

His eyes were wide in surprise and I used it to my advantage, swinging him and pressing his back up against the island counter. I shoved a leg between his, pressing painfully hard on his crotch as he let out a prolonged grunt, his face growing red. I don’t think I wanted to kill him, but I certainly didn’t want him to think he could sneak up on me.

“Woah, woah,” Steve said, trying to pry my fingers off of his throat.

Thor’s laugh echoed around the room, “I told you not to try her, brother.”

I snarled as Steve’s grip on my wrist tightened painfully. I pressed my leg harder.

“Bucky, come on help.”

With a sigh, Bucky was suddenly behind me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me off. I reluctantly released Loki, he drew in a deep breath and bent over slightly.

“How did you see through my brother’s tricks?” Thor asked beside me.

Loki straightened up with a slightly amused smile on his face, “Yes, how?”

“You can’t hide your scent,” I said simply.

“My scent?” He repeated, his eyebrow raising.

“Wintergreen and sandalwood,” I replied, seeing no harm in telling him, “Which is an odd combination.”

“Well my brother is an odd character,” Thor chuckled deeply.

“Why are you here?” I asked, turning to him, Bucky’s arms still around me.

“Well things were slow on Asgard, I thought I could come spend some time with friends.”

“Why’d you bring Reindeer Games?” Tony spoke up from the corner of the room.

Thor seemed to think about an answer for a moment and I glanced at Loki, who seemed interested in what Thor would say. Nat and Clint had filled me in about Thor and Asgard when I asked, though for some reason, they left out his brother. I had known that some time ago, someone from Asgard tried to take over Earth and now it was clicking as to who it was.

“Are you hiding him out here?” I asked suddenly, making Thor turn to me in surprise.

“Nnnnot exactly,” He said quickly.

Loki spoke up, “Long story short, Odin has no sense of humor or appreciation for complex magic so it would be best if I was spent some time away from Asgard.”

Tony sighed and rubbed his face, “How long?”

“Hopefully long enough to gain Lady Kira’s friendship,” Thor avoided the question and, perhaps out of habit, reached out to touch my shoulder.

Before he could touch me, I quickly flashed him my canines, making him freeze before dropping his arm awkwardly. Loki chuckled, now leaning back against the island.

“He’s a slow learner,” He explained with a smile.

“Anyways, Kira, why don’t you join Buck and I in the gym?” Steve said already walking away.

I sent Loki one more narrowed glance before Bucky released me and I followed him down the hall.

…

I spent my time running on a treadmill, entertaining myself by watching Bucky and Steve spar. Steve was stronger, but Bucky was quicker and thought better on his feet. I had changed into an oversized t-shirt and shorts in the locker room. Sam was absentmindedly lifted weights while zoning out to the music in his headphones.

Running on the conveyor belt was not as satisfying as running through a forest or across a field. Memories of seemingly flying through the uneven landscape were ones that I held dear. I didn’t know when I would get to feel that high again. I stopped the treadmill when I saw Tony walking towards Steve and Bucky, who were taking a break on the mat. I walked over as well, plopping myself down. Bucky offered me a drink from his water bottle and I took it gratefully, wiping my lips with the back of my hand afterwards.

“Tin-man,” Tony stated, “Fury’s got a mission for you. He’s waiting in the meeting room, you’ll leave right away.”

“No,” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Tony raised his eyebrows, “Man, I would pay to hear you say that to Fury.”

“It’s ok. It probably won’t be a long one,” Bucky assured me, standing up.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him back down to sit. I knew I was acting like an idiot. I knew that this was what they did; they were the Avengers. But a very stubborn part of me refused to relent.

“Can’t he send someone else?”

“Kira,” Bucky said, once again standing up and this time pulling me with him, “Come here.”

He pulled me over to the corner of the gym behind a rack of weights. I crossed my arms, knowing I was fighting a losing battle. I didn’t understand the panic bubbling inside of me and the constant stream of ‘what ifs’ entering my mind didn’t help.

“Doll,” He said placing his hands on my shoulders, “It’s my job. I have to go. I’ve went on countless missions, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.”

Any rational argument I could have made suddenly left my mind.

“No,” I settled on.

“Kira,” He started.

“Don’t. Don’t…leave,” I said, glancing at Steve who was trying to make it seem like he wasn’t paying attention to us and Tony who was blatantly staring.

He sighed, pulling me into a hug and I reluctantly wrapped my arms around him. We both knew he was going on the mission, he had to even if he didn’t want to. I gripped him tighter as images of him being captured, held hostage, and tortured constricted my chest. _What if he has to go through all the pain I went through?_ It felt like my lungs deflated, I couldn’t get any air in and there was no air to release. He rubbed my back gently, burying his face into my hair.

I suddenly released him and pulled back when I felt something slide down my cheek. I wiped my face and looked at the water on my gloves, more streamed down in its place. I looked up at him and I saw his heart break in his eyes. _I’m crying._ I haven’t cried in decades, tears never had a use and usually resulted in more pain.

“Hey, you’re going to be okay,” He whispered, wiping the tears from my eyes.

I shook my head, “I’m not worried about me.”

“Fury’s waiting,” Tony called.

“I promise to come back, Doll,” He said firmly, holding my face, “I will always come back to you.”

I sniffed. _He can’t promise that._ I nodded and reached up on my tiptoes to place a kiss on his scruffy cheek. I quickly dried my tears, returning my face to a neutral expression as we both returned to Steve and Tony. With a final hug from both Steve and me, he and Tony walked away. I turned to Steve, determined.

“I want to go on missions,” I stated.

“Uh, you’ll have to talk to Fury.”

I huffed, “But you can train me. That way, when I go to Fury, I’ll be ready.”

Steve crossed his arms and for a moment, I thought he would refuse until I saw a soft smirk on his lips.

“I don’t know, you were pretty cruel earlier.”

I glanced at Sam, who was just now pulling his headphones from his head.

“Why would you want a blowjob if you don’t find me attractive?” I asked seriously, just loud enough for Sam to hear, causing him to spit out the water he just put in his mouth.

I’m sure Sam was in on the joke by now, but he was very happy to still go along with it. He laughed all the way out of the gym, much to Steve’s distress. I grinned at him, his face tinted pink again.

“I can be a lot crueler,” I wiggled my eyebrows.

He rolled his eyes and sighed, “Fine. Training starts tomorrow at 0500.”


	8. The Myth of the Lamb and the Beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is doing well and staying safe! My classes (online courses) start back up tomorrow and there shouldn't be that much difference in my upload schedule, but it may be a bit slower. Sorry in advance and hope you enjoy!

The next morning, after getting little to no sleep, I quickly threw on a pair of light blue athletic shorts, a white tank top, and a hoodie. I slipped my shoes and gloves on, then braided my hair to the side so it would hopefully stay out of my face.

There was a faint spark of excitement running throughout me, mixing weirdly with the worry I still held for Bucky. Steve promised to give me as many updates as he could on how his mission is doing and I planned to hold him to that. I opened my door to reveal Steve already waiting for me in the hall.

“Good morning,” He smiled, “You ready?”

I nodded, nerves fluttering in my stomach.

He offered me a protein bar from his pocket, but I declined. I performed better when I was lighter. We made light conversation as he led me to the elevator, pressing a floor I haven’t been to.

“You said you mainly used knives as a weapon, right?” He asked, leading me into a large and mainly vacant room.

I nodded and looked around as Steve flipped a switch, giving the room more light. The space was long, with several mannequin dummies lining the walls. Along the back wall, there was a counter with different blades and knives spread out on top.

“We use this room as a range for…non-gun weapons. Clint uses it mainly and I use it for my shield sometimes,” Steve explained, moving towards the dummies.

He lifted one up with ease, placing it in the center of the room. I padded over to the display of knives, picking a throwing knife up and examining it. It had a good weight on it and was recently sharpened. The end of the grip had a circle on it, perfect for easily tugging it out of a holster. I got a glimpse of my reflection in the shiny blade, my pupils were formed into slits and shone with excitement.

I dropped the knife back on the table, second thoughts flitted into my mind. Steve joined me by the table.

“Why don’t you show me what we’re working with,” He smiled at me, unknowingly easing my concerns slightly.

I smirked at him, picking up the throwing knife again and taking a few steps forward facing the dummy. I gripped the end of the blade, flicking my wrist as I threw it. It stuck deep into where the eye would be on the mannequin. I looked back at Steve, slightly proud of my muscle memory.

I threw knife after knife into the dummies, some were motorized to move erratically. There was a slight learning curve when Steve turned their speed up higher than an average human could move. I relied on my heightened senses to anticipate where to aim, reacting faster and faster as I got into the swing of things. Steve stood behind me with crossed arms, coaching me as much as he could and helping me retrieve the knives after I ran out.

He finally turned off all the dummies as I took a drink of water. He drug out some padded mats, flopping them on the floor with loud thuds.

“Let’s see how you do in hand-to-hand,” He clapped his hands and stood on the mats then gestured me to come over.

I walked to him, eyeing him warily, “Are you sure?”

He rolled his eyes, “Come on, you wanted to train.”

I glanced down at my gloves, making sure they were on snuggly, and took a deep breath.

“I want you to try and pin me.”

I smirked, “There are easier ways to get underneath me, Cap.”

He held back a smile, trying to give me a disapproving look. I stepped forward, baiting him to come at me first. He reached out to grab me, I twisted my body out of the way, frowning as I saw he was going a lot easier on me than he does Bucky. He immediately kicked one foot out from under me. I pivoted my other foot, grabbing onto his back and placing him in a choke hold.

“Holding back on me, Steve?” I grunted into his ear.

He heaved forward, throwing me off of him, but I flipped and landed on my feet. He grabbed me, yanking my back to his chest and a growl ripped through me. I snaked my feet through his legs, hooking him on his heels and used all my body weight to push us backwards. He couldn’t put his feet back to regain his balance, so we both landed with a thud onto the mat with his grip on me tightening.

I jammed an elbow in between his rips, forcing a puff of air out of him and his grip to loosen a fraction. I flipped, twisting my body in his grasp until I was facing him. I headbutted his nose, hearing a slight crack and he grunted, releasing me. I straddled him, pinning his arms down across his chest.

“Like I said, “I stated slightly out of breath, “There are easier ways.”

“Get off,” he grumbled as a small trickle of blood escaped his nose.

I stood up and helped him stand as well. He winced as he touched his nose before carefully wiping the blood off.

“Again,” I rolled my neck, “Don’t hold back this time.”

And to my surprise he didn’t. He was fast, not as fast as Bucky, but it was incredibly hard to get out of his hold once he got a hold of me. It was easier to use his weight and size against him, but only if I could get the leverage to do so. I came to regret not stretching beforehand as my body often had to contort and twist. I pinned him three more times before he finally got the upper hand.

My strength was waning and my heightened senses were fading with it. My foot shot out to kick his shoulder back, but he moved away just in time, my leg cutting through air before he grabbed it and twisted. I yelped as I lost my balance, falling to the ground with him jumping on top of me before I could move. He straddled me, pinning my wrists above me.

“You’re already losing steam,” He stated as I struggled against him.

“Well, you were bound to win sometime,” I muttered, rolling my eyes, “Get off.”

He stood up, reaching a hand down to heave me up as well.

“I’d like to put you against Natasha, someone who could match your speed and flexibility,” He said, drinking his own water, “I’d also like to see how you work as part of a team. Let’s go get lunch.”

I squinted my eyes and followed behind him, “A team?”

He scoffed, “Yeah, a team. You know…the Avengers.”

I shook my head, “I just wanted to go on missions, not join your superhero clan.”

He pressed the button to the commons floor and the elevator shut its doors.

“Scared you won’t be able to keep up?” He grinned at me and it was my turn to scoff.

He leaned against the side of the elevator, “So why do you wanna go on missions?”

A sideways glance at the look on his face told me that he already knew my reason.

“I’m useless here,” I admitted as the doors opened.

I went to step out when an arm flew out to stop me. It reminded me of the first time Bucky’s skin brushed up against mine and a realization dawned on me.

“Hey, that’s not true,” Steve said firmly.

I quickly pressed the button for the floor with our rooms on it, preventing Steve from stepping off. I ignored his confused expression, my mind rewinding time. When I fought Steve, touching was unavoidable, even with my gloves. No alarm bells rang, but I often subconsciously turned them off in a fight to avoid the distraction.

Yesterday, I had successfully overridden my automatic reaction when he placed his hand over my mouth due to his scent being similar to Bucky’s comforting one. This was also probably the reason why I had gotten slightly more comfortable and closer to Steve than the others, not counting Bucky of course. My stomach grumbled in hunger, but I already had it set in my mind to test this.

I grabbed his hand, dragging him out of the elevator and towards my room.

“Uh, what are we doing?” He asked, letting me tug him.

“We’re shaking hands,” I said, offering little explanation as I shoved him into my room.

Once safely inside, I shut the door and released my right hand from the glove. I looked up at Steve, who was now standing in the center of the room, staring at me both curious and nervously.

“Can I ask why?”

I bit back a sarcastic response, seeing the hint of concern in his eyes. I sighed, and walked over to sit on my bed, patting the spot next to me much inviting him to sit. He cautiously sat down on the edge, the bed dipping under his weight. I flexed my ungloved hand, holding it up to stare at it.

“Humans are social animals,” I began in a small voice, almost embarrassed, “They divulge a good bit of their happiness from positive contact with other people. It’s how they function in society, forming groups and fitting in,” I paused for a moment, letting my claws stretch out, “I may have a lot of…nonhuman…in me. But I still have that urge.”

I shifted, folding one of my legs underneath me.

“A large part of me wants nothing more than for touch to be warm and comforting,” I met his eyes, he was staring at me with a soft expression, nodding in understanding, “But another part of me never lets me forget how much pain touch has caused me. And it’s incredibly hard to go against my instinct when its protected me for so long.”

“And you think you can touch me without it…causing that reaction?” He asked in a low voice, “I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.”

I gave him a small smile, “It’s easier to override when I trust the person.”

He grinned, “You trust me?”

“I let you pin me didn’t I?” I smirked.

“You did not-“ He started but stopped, scoffing.

He held out his hand to me and I stared at it.

“You sure?” His serious voice was back and I nodded, slowly reaching for it.

I held my breath, both focusing my attention and trying to relax my mind at the same time. I paused when my fingertips hit his, the warmth from him slowly seeping through. _Pa-No._ I exhaled as I slid my palm over his, lightly grasping his hand. I blinked, mentally making sure that the alarms in my mind were silent before relaxing.

After a moment, he gripped my hand back loosely and slowly moved up and down.

“Hi, Steve Rogers,” He smiled as he greeted me.

I snickered, “Hi, I’m Kira.”

I released his hand and grabbed it again, noticing the reduction in the time I took to get used to it again. After a couple more times holding and releasing his hand, I was satisfied by the results. He wasn’t as easy as Bucky and a panic still shot through me at the initial touch, but it was progress.

He left soon after, I told him I was going to take a shower before joining him in the kitchen. I playfully offered for him to join me, then laughed at his expression before shooing him out. After my shower, I decided to give a pair of jeans a try. The material wasn’t thick denim, it was rather stretchy and comfortable. Nat called them high waisted skinny jeans, so they hugged my legs and came up to just under my belly button. After a few testing lunges, I determined them fit to wear.

I pulled a black, blue, and white tie-dye patterned shirt from the closet and threw it on. I brushed through my hair, then twisted it into a damp bun, before sliding my hand back into my glove and leaving the room.

…

I walked into the kitchen, where Steve was explaining something to Clint and Sam, who were sitting at the island. Nat looked up from the tea she was making.

“Oh, look at you, finally out of your leggings,” She mused.

I smiled and shrugged, “How do I look?”

“Like a whole damn bottle of hot sauce,” Sam spoke up.

“What does that even mean?” Clint sighed.

“Hey!” Steve said, suddenly excited to see me, “Watch this,” he patted Sam’s shoulder.

He walked over to me and saw that I had both my gloves on.

“Take one glove off,” He smiled.

I eyed him, “I’m not allowed to outside of my room.”

“Oh, do it,” Nat said, sending a look towards Steve, “If he’s this excited about something, he won’t stop bothering everyone until he gets his way.”

I sighed when I saw the pleading look in his eyes. I pressed the button on the inside of the metal ring around my wrist, letting the material release around my hand. I peeled the glove off and stared at him expectantly.

He glanced back to Clint and Sam, making sure they were watching, then raised his hand.

“Hey Kira,” He said proudly, “High-five.”

I groaned, but reluctantly tapped my ungloved hand against his. Clint gasped dramatically, pressing a hand to his chest in mock shock, causing me to laugh.

“See?” Steve grinned widely at Sam who rolled his eyes.

“That’s all you wanted?” I asked, “A high-five?”

Steve nodded, still looking smug. I glanced over at Nat, who must have seen the look in my eyes because she grinned back.

“Cause you seemed to want a _lot_ more earlier,” I said, feigning seriousness and confusion.

Steve glowered at me, as his smile slipped off his face, which was now turning slightly pink. Clint snickered.

“Will you leave the poor girl alone?” Sam said loudly, banging his hand onto the table.

I slipped my glove back on laughing along, when Thor and Loki wandered into the kitchen as well.

“Who are we protecting Lady Kira from?” Thor asked confused.

I turned to him and opened my mouth, but Steve, again, clamped a hand over my mouth. I rolled my eyes and licked him again causing him to release.

“I swear, you do that just so I’ll-“

He cut me off, “Go eat. You’re probably starving.”

My stomach rumbled in response, stopping any comeback I could think of. I padded over to the island, grabbing an apple and taking a bite out of it.

“You need more food than that,” Nat warned, sipping her tea.

In response, I grabbed another apple, “Hear anything from Bucky?”

She nodded, “Everything is going relatively well. He doesn’t know when he’ll be back yet though, it just depends on what the bad guys do.”

I hummed, a pang settled in my heart. With three more bites, my first apple was done and I started on my second after tossing the core. I did a quick survey of the scents in the room and groaned as I detected an approaching one. Nat shot me a look.

“Tony,” I mumbled moments before the elevator dinged and footsteps approached.

She nodded in understanding before I perked up, a new scent was with him. She read my expression and turned to the doorway. Tony emerged with a blonde woman, she was dressed professionally and looked close with him. Tony saw me and froze dramatically.

“Oh god, I forgot to warn our guard dog,” He slowly pat the woman’s head and spoke slowly and loudly, “Friend. She’s a friendly. Her name is Pepper, please don’t maul her.”

Clint and Nat rolled their eyes, while Sam and Steve chuckled. Steve was usually one to stand up for me, but he probably thought this was some sort of karma. Thor looked confused and Loki, well he always looked annoyed.

“Should I have done that when introducing Loki?” He asked genuinely.

“Tony, stop,” Pepper said, smiling apologetically at me, “I’m sorry, he’s an idiot.”

I slightly smiled and waved, “I’m Kira and Tony’s the only one currently in danger of being mauled by me.”

Tony huffed.

She waved back, “It’s nice to meet you.”

She seemed pleasant, her scent was light and she didn’t seem like a threat. She reminded Tony of something he needed to do, then said goodbye to everyone before leaving. I turned back and tossed the second core in the trash. Nat went to sit by Clint and I reached into the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

“So they call you their guard dog?” A voice emerged right beside me and I jumped, clutching my bottle to my chest.

I looked up at Loki with wide and suspicious eyes.

He chuckled deeply, “You couldn’t smell me?”

I straightened up, cracking open my water, and eyeing the short distance between us, “Now I certainly can,” I muttered, but refusing to back away.

“Wintergreen and…sandalwood, you said?” He mused.

I flicked my eyes over his figure, but didn’t answer as I walked past him. He followed me halfway down the hallway before using his long strides to step in front of me. I stopped and narrowed my eyes at the god. _Why are Asgardians so pushy?_

“I’m curious to know where your magic comes from,” He stated. Though his expression was serious, his eyes shone with amusement or perhaps interest.

I sighed, “I don’t have magic.”

I tried to step around him, but he quickly moved in front of me again. He grinned.

“It’s different from my magic and not nearly as strong, but I can still sense it flowing through you. Interesting.”

He finally let me pass, but as I made my way to the library, he followed along beside me. I was hoping that my silence would deter him and I made a point to pick up a book and plop down in the armchair, not looking at him but keeping my senses focused on his figure.

He perched on the couch and I grimaced, it was where Bucky usually sat. I felt another pang of worry clench my heart.

“Were you not aware of your magic?” Loki started again, staring at me intently.

I looked up, meeting his eyes, “Look, I don’t have magic. What your sensing…is probably just the source of my abilities.”

I tried to remain vague. I had never talked in detail about what goes on in my mind and body. It was complicated, confusing, and, at times, contradicting. I barely had a grasp on it myself.

“If the source is not magic, then what is it?” He pried.

I got the feeling that he was bored here on Earth and, for whatever reason, my abilities sparked his interest. He looked at me as if he was studying me and it was wearing on my patience.

“You’re not the same type of being as Thor, are you?” I decided to answer his question with one of my own.

He arched an eyebrow, but he didn’t seem caught off guard. In fact, he seemed pleased.

“No. Your friends didn’t tell you much about me, did they?” He smirked, leaning back slightly and crooking at elbow on the back of the couch.

I shook my head, “Have you been told much about me?”

“I know of your abilities. Well, at least some of them,” He grinned a little wider and glanced down at my gloves, “Why do they still make you wear those?”

“To keep cocky gods safe,” I wiggled my fingers at him.

“You said my scent was…unusual,” He said after a moment, “Why?”

I let out a breath, I still didn’t trust him, but I wasn’t as on edge anymore. It felt good to relax my muscles and senses just a fraction. I didn’t want to tire myself out by just having a conversation, however uncomfortable it may be.

“Scents usually have two or three main components,” I explained as he listened intently, “The rest of the scent is composed of thirty to fifty sub-scents, components that aren’t as strong and aren’t always present at the same time. I don’t usually pay attention to them. The main component combination is what makes a person, it can describe them.”

I squinted my eyes, “However, scents aren’t always a reliable way to tell if a person is good or bad, because the components mean different things for different people. For instance, if a person has a scent of blood, it could mean that they’ve killed a lot of animals or people, but for another person, it could mean that they’re loyal.”

I sighed and looked down. _Did that make any sense?_ Thoughts and words seemed to jumble up in my brain. My explanation might make complete sense inside my head, but once I say it out loud, it seems confusing.

“Go on, my dear,” He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands, “I’m listening.”

I observed him for a moment. He did seem intent on listening and the excitement in his eyes had not dimmed. I nodded.

“Your scent is unusual, because it’s a combination of a warm and cold component. An extreme cold component, as well. Usually scents are warm, cold, neutral, or a combination of neutral and warm or cold.”

“So what do you think that means?” He asked.

I breathed out a laugh, shaking my head, “I told you, scents aren’t a good indicator of any type of meaning.”

He smiled and tilted his head, “Humor the cocky god.”

I snorted, “Fine, I’ll be your therapist. It could mean…that you struggle with two very different parts inside of you. Everyone has different parts or aspects to their personality or thought process, but yours are…more extreme. Even in the smell or your scent, it seems like the two components are fighting to be the dominate one…”

_That sounds familiar._ I trailed off, my eyes trained on the bookshelf, but my mind elsewhere. I wondered what my scent was, if it was even more extreme than his. His soft clapping brought my eyes back to his. He looked slightly impressed.

“Well done, Lady Kira.”

He stood up from the couch and walked over to examine the books on the shelves. A thought flickered across my mind and left my mouth before I could stop them.

“Have you heard of the Lamb and the Beast?” My voice was soft and, for a moment, I thought he couldn’t have heard me.

He turned back to me and raised both his eyebrows, “No, why?”

I looked down towards my open book, pretended to be relaxed even though my heart was beating faster. _Shouldn’t have asked that._

I shrugged, “It’s just a myth. I thought maybe since you and Thor are…or were myths, you knew…Just, never mind then.”

I could almost feel the smirk on his face, “Sorry, perhaps I could call up the Tooth-fairy, she might know.”

I rolled my eyes so hard, I saw spots for a few seconds.

“Well go on,” He sighed and I glanced up at him, “Tell me about the Lamb and the Beast.”

I sent a sickly sweet smile, “The Tooth-fairy can tell you.”

He sighed, walked over to the couch and laid down on it. I almost laughed at how dramatic he looked.

“Do you know how mind-numbing being stuck on this…planet, is?” He gestured around him.

“Tell me about, I just arrived from Pluto a few days ago,” I muttered sarcastically, scanning my eyes over an illustration in my book.

He perked his head up, “Was that a joke?”

I said nothing, ignoring him. I traced my finger down the trunk of the tree in the black and white drawing. It was a good climbing tree, it had rough-looking bark and lots of thick limbs. The grass in the drawing was sparse and I wondered if the tall, dancing grass at home looked like that now. It made me sad.

“The Lamb and the Beast are ancient,” I spoke softly, still looking at the page, “The story states that, once humankind started to evolve, both the Lamb and the Beast were drawn to them, as they were capable of both pure good and pure evil acts. The Lamb and the Beast made a wager, they would each take one half of the human population and build a society. Whoever’s society could outlast the others, won. For years, the Lamb society prospered but the subjects grew miserable and tired. At the same time the Beast society lived in fear and their numbers dwindled, but they also grew strong and felt powerful.”

“So who won?” Loki asked after a moment.

I smirked, “No one. Humankind rebelled against the Lamb and the Beast. Humans aren’t supposed to be only good or only bad, it goes against their nature. The Beast reacted by rushing into battle against the human army, who were no match for it’s strength and fury. But humans were smart, they distracted the Beast to get at the Lamb.”

I met his eyes, “One cannot exist without the other, the natural balance won’t allow it. They killed the Lamb, thus the Beast died as well. The myth ends with the prediction of their return, that one must be reborn at the same time as the other.”

He hummed, staring at the ceiling and thinking. It seemed like an idea struck him, because he suddenly looked over to me, a sly smile on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a loud voice.

“Brother! I wondered where you wandered off to,” Thor said from the doorway and I smiled at the distress on Loki’s face.

…

I spent the next few days training with Steve in the mornings until around lunchtime. I didn’t know if our sessions were a secret or not, so I just elected not to mention them to anyone else. Sleep was fleeting and anything but restful. I often spent my time staring at my clock. Apparently, one day I looked as tired as I felt because Nat introduced me to espresso.

Steve and Tony banned me from having it again after I broke two treadmills and sliced my finger open while cutting up some carrots at a ridiculous speed. Loki would annoy me while I was in the library until I told him more old fables Gran used to tell me. Thor’s speaking voice was slowly becoming less jarring.

I sighed out loud, laying down on the comfy couch in the lounge room, idly throwing one of Clint’s knives up into the air and catching it again.

Clint glanced at me from the armchair, “I think you need a hobby.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but Friday chimed in, “Kira, Agent Romanoff instructed me to tell you that Agent Barnes will be arriving at the tower in 5 minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is coming back in the next chapter (already writing it cause I'm excited for him to be back too)! Thank you so much for reading!


	9. Welcome Home, Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: graphic description of torture & short smut (oral, male-receiving)
> 
> Kinda a weird combination of warnings, but this chapter is a bit of a roller coaster. Hope you all enjoy!

I opened my mouth to respond, but Friday chimed in, “Kira, Agent Romanoff instructed me to tell you that Agent Barnes will be arriving at the tower in 5 minutes.”

I sat up, barely catching the knife in time. A million emotions exploded inside of me and I suddenly felt as wired up as when I drunk the espresso. Clint smirked at me as I handed him back the knife. I raced to the elevator, passing a questioning Sam, then quickly went to my room. I gathered up all of the drawings I had made for Bucky while he was gone and shoved them into a manilla envelope, scrawling his name on the front of it. As I walked back to my door, I paused at my reflection in the mirror.

I wore my standard black leggings and a t-shirt Tony had got me that had the Avengers logo on it. My hair was thrown into a ponytail and, after a moment, I took it out and quickly brushed through it. Satisfied, I padded across the hallway and slipped the envelope underneath his door. For some reason, I was embarrassed to give them to him in person.

I returned to the lounge room, meeting Sam sitting on the armchair opposite of Clint.

“Ooo, she let her hair down,” Sam teased.

“You’re not meeting him on the landing pad?” Clint questioned.

I shrugged, “I’m only allowed to go on certain floors.”

“I have a feeling he’ll come looking for her,” Sam smiled, winking at me.

As if on cue, I heard the faint ding of the elevator. My feet carried me to the hallway.

“You should be debriefing,” Steve chastised, walking beside Bucky.

“I will-“ Bucky said, cutting himself off when he saw me.

He was in battle suit similar to what Winter used to wear; all black, with no sleeve on his metal arm. His hair was pulled back, but majority of it was loose and hanging around his face. His stubble was longer, almost a short beard now and there were dark circles under his eyes. _God, I missed his eyes._ There was a small cut over his eyebrow and a large purple bruise on the side of his neck. His lip was split on one side.

As I quickly scanned his face, his lips drew into a grin and his clear, blue eyes softened. My feet suddenly moved forward of their own accord and his grin widened as he stretched out his arms for me to land in. I threw myself onto him, the moment my arms locked around him, a wave of comfort and peace settled into my bones.

He chuckled as I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist as well. I clung to him, inhaling his scent so many times, I thought I might hyperventilate. His arms wrapped around my lower back, hugging me as well as holding me up even though I was clinging to him. I nuzzled my face into his neck.

“I take it you missed me, Doll?” He muttered with an obvious smile on his face.

I muttered a “yes” but it was mainly muffled. Bucky chuckled again and I, very reluctantly, let him go, standing back on my feet. I immediately took his face in my hands, examining his wounds closer. A stream of questions entered my conscious and flowed out of my mouth.

“What happened?” I asked, “Are you hurt anywhere else? Who did this?”

“I’m okay, Doll,” He replied, gently taking my hands off his face, “I gotta go debrief and clean up, then we can hang out and talk, okay?”

I furrowed my brows, but Steve stepped in.

“Come on, why don’t you and I start a movie,” he said, somewhat dragging me away.

I grumbled, but Bucky waved and winked at me as he walked back towards the elevator.

\--3rd Person POV—

Bucky trudged towards his room after the unnecessarily long debriefing. Both his body and mind were exhausted, but seeing Kira sent a bolt of energy through him. He smiled thinking of her reaction to his return as he opened his door. His foot kicked something on the floor as he flipped on the lights.

He paused and picked the envelope up before closing his door behind him. His name was written on it in loopy letters. He opened the packet as he sat on his floor, not wanting to sit on his bed with his dirty gear on. A letter and hand-drawn pictures fell out. He smiled as he started to read the letter.

_Dear Bucky,_

_You haven’t been gone for very long and it is already 60% less fun around here without you. I’ve decided to draw my favorite spots from my home for you everyday until you get back. I hope you like them!_

Bucky looked down at the drawings, finding the one with a small “#1” in the corner. It was of a viewpoint high on a mountain, overlooking the tops of trees. Bucky brought the drawing closer and noticed a small nest drawn in one of the trees with a bird perched on a branch beside it.

_Spot #1: This is where I went if I was ever mad or frustrated. It’s a little ledge on the side of one of the smaller and closer mountains and there is almost always a breeze flowing through it. It takes a longer time to hike up to, but it was easier when I was heated. The air in this spot is by far the freshest I’ve ever breathed in. Every year, in the spring, birds would always make a nest in the treetops visible from the spot._

Smiling, Bucky found the second drawing. It was of a pond with distant mountains in the background. Dragonflies, hummingbirds, and bumble bees were sprinkled about the sky close to the water. Tall grass and cattails adorned the glassy pond. The viewpoint was of someone sitting on the ground, a few feet from the water’s edge.

_Spot #2: This is my favorite spot. I would rest my back on the grassy knoll behind me and it was the most comfortable chair ever. I would draw here or look at the mountains, wondering what lied past them. I didn’t know much about the world then, so I filled my head with fantasies that didn’t exactly turn out to be true. But they were nice to have. Sitting in this spot, anything seemed possible._

A tinge of sadness fluttered over Bucky, but he pressed on, finding the third drawing. It was of a wide-open field with grass that must have reached past the knees of the person whose viewpoint the drawing depicted. Some sections of the grass was bent one way, other sections the other way. Forest lined the edges of the field.

_Spot #3: Try as I might, I couldn’t capture the dancing grass in the drawing very well. This spot was great if I ever needed a bit of happiness or if the woods ever made me feel too claustrophobic. I would stand in the middle of the field and wait for a gust of wind. The tall grass would seemingly come alive, swaying and dancing. It was like standing in an ocean with waves churning all around me. When I was little, I would “conduct” the grass, as if it would move the way I told it to._

Bucky breathed out a laugh, picking up the final drawing. It was of a small cave, the walls were lined with drawings made of paint or scratches. Majority were silhouettes of people, some were animals or random flowing and curling lines. The ground seemed shiny with water and some of the drawings were partly rubbed or washed off.

_Spot #4: This spot was probably the farthest away from the house, so I only came here certain times. This was where I would practice talking to people, as embarrassing as that seems. For some reason, I knew I wouldn’t stay home forever, that I would venture out. Gran would even mention how much she’d miss me when I was gone. I wanted to be prepared so I would talk to the people I drew, sometimes even reading or singing to them. The cave also had an echo which kinda made it seem like they were talking back. Looking back, I can see how lonely I was. I’m not lonely anymore though._

Bucky swallowed hard, blinking away tears. He thought back to when she first got here and how they treated her like an animal. He knew it was necessary, but that didn’t make it hurt his heart any less. He wanted to go back in time, to her in that cave and hold her tight, tell her that it was going to be a long road, but that she’ll be okay.

He carefully picked up the drawings and stood up, placing them neatly on his dresser before walking to his shower.

…

Freshly showered with sweatpants and a t-shirt on, Bucky walked through the halls to the lounge room.

“You’re telling me, that she could’ve used the slippers to go home the entire time?” Kira’s frustrated voice emerged.

Bucky leaned against the doorway, grinning at the scene in front of him. Kira was curled up on the couch, tucked under a blanket looking pointedly at Steve who was sitting next to her. The end credits of the Wizard of Oz played on the screen. Steve looked up at her from the bowl of popcorn in his lap.

“Well…yeah,” He answered, shoving a fist full of popcorn in his mouth.

Kira pointed at the screen, “And Toto…he went home with her cause she was holding him, right? Well, why couldn’t she just hold onto her friends and they could’ve went with her.”

Steve rolled his eyes, “They don’t belong in Kansas.”

Bucky chuckled, catching their attention.

\--Kira POV—

I snapped my head towards the door to see Bucky leaning against the doorframe with a smile on his face. He walked over and the couch, leaning over it and arching an eyebrow at me.

“How’d he treat you while I was gone?” He asked playfully, nodding towards Steve.

I snorted and dramatically rolled my eyes, “He was nice in the rare moments he wasn’t trying to get in my pants.”

Steve chucked a piece of popcorn at me and glared, obviously wanted to deny my allegation, but his mouth was full of popcorn. Bucky glanced at me, then focused on Steve.

“You tryin’ to steal my girl, punk?”

Steve finally swallowed, “She gives me enough crap, I don’t need it from you too.”

Bucky and I chuckled as he jumped over the back of the couch, landing between me and Steve. He sat back, draping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me to lean against him.

“Did I miss anything when I was gone?” He asked.

I leaned forward to share a look with Steve, he thought about it for a moment then nodded. Bucky looked at me expectantly.

“Steve has been training me so I can eventually go on missions,” I explained, for some reason not being able to meet his stare, “Oh! And…”

I reached over Bucky, brandishing my bare arm to Steve. He reached out and circled his fingers around my forearm. I looked back at Bucky and gestured to where Steve was touching me.

“Tada,” I said, then swatted Steve’s hand away and returned to leaning against Bucky.

“Wait,” He looked surprised and confused, “Fury’s gonna let you go on missions?”

Steve shook his head, “We haven’t talked to him yet, but she wanted to be ready.”

Bucky paused for a moment, sending some sort of look at Steve, “No.”

“What?” The question flew out of my mouth.

Bucky shook his head, “No way. No.”

I opened my mouth, but Steve beat me to it, standing up with the almost empty bowl, “I’m gonna let you guys talk. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He patted Bucky on the shoulder as he passed him, walking out of the room. I turned to Bucky and he scooted a little away from me so he could face me better.

“You’re not-“ He started.

“I have to,” I stared hard into his eyes, “I have to at least try. Fury may not say yes now, but I want to be ready for when he does.”

“Kira,” He sighed, rubbing his chin, “It’s just not a good idea. I mean, that’s what Hydra wanted, for you to be a weapon. Maybe you should just…” He looked up, searching for words.

“Just what?” I snapped, anger bubbling inside of me, “Just sit here and wait?”

I slowly stood up from the couch and Bucky did the same, grabbing for my hands.

“No, no of course not. Maybe Tony can get you a job in the tower or-“ He talked quickly.

I yanked my hands from him, knowing my level of anger wasn’t justified, but I couldn’t stop it.

“I’ve spent my entire life in a series of boxes,” my voice trembled slightly, shaking my head, “I get a taste of freedom, of what living could be like…and you want to put me back in a box.”

I stared at him, searching his eyes as if I could read his thoughts if I looked hard enough. Father had denied me any sort of extra freedom, no matter how good I was. _“If you give an animal some freedom, they’ll just want more.”_ I winced as his voice invaded my thoughts. _He was right._

Bucky shook his head, stepping closer to me, “No, no that’s not it. I want so badly for you to live in any way you want…I just…I…”

He glanced down at my gloved hands, which were now formed into fists. I breathed in sharply.

“You think I’ll hurt people,” My voice was so small, I almost didn’t recognize it as my own.

“No!” He blurted out, “Please, Kira, listen to me.”

He gently placed his hands on my cheek, turning my head to face his. His eyes were wide with emotions. _Fear, worry, desperation._ I could almost read them like a book.

“I just,” He cleared his throat softly, “If something happened to you…I don’t know what I’d do.”

My eyes softened and my body relaxed a bit.

“How do you think I felt when you left?” I whispered, running my thumb over the split in his lip.

He sighed and pressed our foreheads together. My eyes fluttered closed as I breathed in his scent.

“It’ll probably be a while before I even talk to Fury,” I muttered, “Let’s not worry about it for now, James.”

I opened my eyes and pulled back to look at him as a grin spread on his face. I knew he liked it when I called him by his real name.

“I got your present,” He said, “It was probably the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Thank you, Doll.”

I grinned proudly before stifling a yawn, “I need to go to bed,” I glanced him up and down, “You need to as well. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Bucky’s phone in his pocket chimed and he glanced at it frowning, “Looks like Steve needs me for something,” He looked back up at me, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I smiled and nodded, giving him one last hug and sneakily trying to get as much of his scent on me as possible before leaving to my room, the dumbest smile on my face.

\--3rd Person POV—

Bucky walked into the meeting room where both Steve and Nat were waiting. Bucky furrowed his brows, slightly annoyed that he wasn’t in his bed, half-way to sleep yet.

“So,” Steve stood up and gestured to the screen, “While you were gone, Tony managed to decode the last bit of intel on Kira.”

Bucky swallowed, a bad feeling growing in the pit of his gut. The look on Steve’s face told him that it was worse than last time.

“Okay, let’s watch it,” He pulled on a brave face and sat down in the chair across from Natasha.

Steve hesitated and scratched the back of his head, “Well, if you want to watch it…Nat will watch it with you. I’ve already seen it.”

The expression on Steve’s face added that he certainly didn’t want to see it again. Steve was still not sure that this was a good idea. But he also knew that Bucky would insist on watching it once he knew Tony had finished it. Nat was less apprehensive about showing Bucky. She knew he was stronger than what Steve liked to think, but she also knew that this would hurt. Hell, the footage even made her unsettled and want to look away.

“Okay,” Bucky said after a moment, trying to prepare himself.

Steve nodded to Nat, who grabbed a remote, “Tony took out the audio.”

Bucky gave her a quizzical look and she responded, “It makes it easier to watch.”

Nat glanced at Bucky one more time before playing the footage on the screen.

“Oh God,” Bucky blurted out.

The first piece of footage was in some type of warehouse. Kira was chained across a metal table, her head flopped forward every now and then. She seemed to be sedated. Immediately, a large blast of flame engulfed her body, the nozzle of what Bucky guessed was a flamethrower barely in view as the flames swept over her.

Her mouth hung open as she frantically tried to twist her body away from the fire, her ankles and wrists getting warped through her struggles. The flame thrower was turned off and her body stayed on fire, her skin bubbling and melting. Bucky felt his stomach churn and flip, but he couldn’t look away. A man with a stopwatch and clipboard came into view, jotting down notes.

The footage cut to the same scene, but Kira’s body had healed, leaving only the superficial wounds. She was panting, her face contorted in agony. The same man came back into view and Kira grew frantic again, as if she knew what was coming. With a gesture from the man, the flames came back and the process repeated.

Nat suddenly fast forwarded the video, “They repeat that five times before she finally passes out,” She muttered with a slight catch in her throat.

Bucky watched with wide eyes as Kira was tortured in several different ways. The same man from the first piece of footage sliced her open and fished, what looked like to be nerves, out before severing them. In another clip, he broke her bones one by one. Bucky soon focused only on Kira’s face in each clip. He didn’t even bother wiping the tears that flowed down his face as he watched pure terror and agony etched across her face. In moments of pause, her eyes were empty and glassy, like she was only capable of feeling pain.

Nat stopped the video and turned the screen off, her eyes meeting Bucky’s in the black reflection.

“There’s more, but I think you get it,” She sighed, pushing the remote far away from her.

“How…” Bucky looked at her, “after all that, she’s still…”

“The Kira we know and love?” Nat finished for him and shrugged, “She’s strong. She’s spent so long just surviving, I think she’s really just trying to embrace living.”

She adds as she stands up, “And I don’t think she ever would have trusted us if it wasn’t for you.”

After she left, Bucky stood there still shellshocked. So many thoughts were swimming in his head. He may not remember everything from his time at Hydra, but he was sure they never did any of those things to him. They were testing her and her abilities, but in ways that didn’t make much sense to him. How much of it was experiments and how much was just plain torture? He finally stood up and left the room after flipping the light off.

…

Bucky stood in front of Kira’s door, he could hear soft snores coming from inside. Relief swept over him at knowing she was okay. His body acted on its own as he pushed her door open and closing it softly behind him. He walked over to the bed where her figure was lit by the moonlight streaming in through the windows. She was sleeping peacefully, but stirred as he grew near. He tensed, wondering how he would explain why he was standing in her room in the middle of the night.

Her eyes cracked open as she turned to him, “Bucky?”

He grinned at her sleepy tone of voice, “Hey, Doll,” He said in a low voice, he could tell that she wasn’t all the way awake yet.

She lazily reached out and patted the space of bed beside her, inviting him to lay down. He glanced back at her door before slipping under the covers beside her. She automatically curled into him and muttered something too soft for even Bucky’s enhanced hearing to make out. Bucky glanced down at her, pulling her closer against him as images of the footage popped up in his mind. Soon though, his eyes closed as well.

\--Kira POV—

_So warm._ Before my eyes opened, I could feel heat radiating against my back and something draped over my waist. My senses were filled with Bucky’s scent and the hazy memory of partially waking up to him standing by my bed slowly returned to me. _So it wasn’t a dream._ I smiled, sleep still tugging at me. For the first time since I was taken from my mountain home, I felt…safe, completely safe. As much as I wanted to stay in this moment, my eyes closed and I drifted off.

…

When I opened my eyes again in response to the soft light of the sunrise, we were in the same position with Bucky pressed against my back and his flesh arm draped across me. I carefully reached up to rub the sleep out of my eyes, pausing when Bucky stirred behind me. My eyes went slightly wide when I felt something hard against my butt. _Morning wood is completely normal…don’t make it weird._ I bit the inside of my cheek, my body suddenly feeling hotter.

I thought for a moment on what the appropriate way to handle this. Should I just ignore it? After a moment of consideration, my mischievous side won out over my mature one. I yawned and stretched, seemingly innocently, but arched my body so I pressed harder into his crotch. He stirred, a soft groan leaving his lips before he woke up more completely.

He immediately scooted away from me, my back suddenly feeling cold.

“Morning,” I said smiling, still facing away from him.

“Uh, morning,” His voice was a few octaves deeper, “Sorry. I, uh…”

I rolled over to face him. His slightly embarrassed expression morphed into a curious one when he saw my grin. I’m sure my eyes had that look in them, telling him that I was up to something.

“Do you want me to…help?” I arched an eyebrow, pleased at his look of surprise.

He seemed to search for an answer at first, searching my eyes.

“Uh, are you sure?”

I smiled and propped myself up on an elbow, “Of course I’m sure. But I’ll have to use my hands…do you trust me?” I waved my fingertips at him.

He chewed on his bottom lip before slipping on a cocky smile, “Alright. Show me what you got, Doll.”

I pushed him to lay onto his back and I rolled my eyes as he lay with his hands underneath his head, looking at me with a smile. I locked eyes with him as I tugged his sweats and boxers down, his erection sprung free and I tried my best to not react at it’s size from my peripheral. _Fuck me._ His smile left his face as I brushed my fingers over his length before turning my full attention to it.

I inwardly moaned as I saw glistening precum already leaking onto the tip. This was just supposed to be a handjob, but as my mouth instantly watered at the sight, I changed tactics. I moved so I was settled between his legs. I didn’t give him time to react before sucking the tip into my mouth, my tongue lapping up the salty taste.

“Fuck,” He grunted, his arms clenching and he bucked slightly into my mouth.

I bobbed my head, taking more of him each time. I groaned thinking of how his cock would feel thrusting deep in my pussy, the vibrations sending his flesh hand flying to the back of my head. He panted, making eye contact with me as I slowly took his entire length into my mouth, suppressing my gag reflex when he hit the back of my throat. He moaned, his hand tightening its grip in my hair as my nose was buried into his pubic hair. I paused, then swallowed.

“Shit, Doll,” He hissed, bucking again into my mouth, “Feels so fuckin good.”

I hollowed my cheeks as I sucked back up to the tip. I gripped the base of his cock with one hand and massaged his balls with the other as I swirled my tongue around his tip, moaning at the taste. He groaned, his eyes momentarily rolling back. I released his tip with a pop and looked at him while jerking him slowly with my hand.

“You taste so good, James,” I all but moaned at the sight of him sweaty and panting.

“Fuck, your mouth is so, fuck, good,” He panted out, “You want my cum in that pretty mouth?”

His words added to the pool of wetness already soaking my panties. I whimpered and nodded.

“Fuck my mouth, James, please,” I said, groaning as he fisted my hair again.

I took him back into my mouth and he held my head in place as he thrusted into me, hitting the back of my throat each time. He moaned and cursed, thrusting deeper and faster. My jaw started to ache and tears ran down my cheeks, but I loved the weight of him on my tongue and his taste was intoxicating. I locked eyes with him and watched as he slowly came undone.

His mouth hung open, groans and pants flowed through. I slurped and sucked, lapping my tongue against him. His thrusts started to grow sloppy.

“Fuck. Ah, I’m gonna – shit, fu-uuuck,” He hissed and a gave a long groan as ribbons of cum spurted down my throat.

I groaned at the feeling, greedily swallowing every drop as he rode through his high. Finally, his hand fell from the back of my head and I released him, lightly sucking to get every last drop as his body twitched from overstimulation.

I sat up, feeling proud and satisfied. He looked over to me, still slightly panting.

“So that was new,” He grinned, tucking himself back into his sweats.

I shrugged, slight embarrassment flitting into my mind, “I guess you could consider it another welcome home gift,” I teased, winking at him.

“Maybe I should go on missions more often,” He mused, glancing at the clock.

I rolled my eyes and hit him on his chest. I got out of bed and walked over to my dresser. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “It’s not exactly fair though…I wanna know how you taste too.”

I smirked, picking out a pair of shorts, “I’m already late, Darling.”

He snickered, “Darling, huh? A bit old-fashioned.”

I stepped away from him to slide my shorts on, “And Doll isn’t?”

I went into the closet, emerging with a new t-shirt, one that actually fits. I padded to the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth and rinsing before brushing my hair and throwing it up in a ponytail. I leaned on him for support as I was putting the glove-shoes on.

“Do you wanna go somewhere today?” He asked and I looked at him confused.

“Somewhere?” I asked as I was slipping on my gloves.

“Yeah,” He looked towards the windows, “Like outside of the tower.”

I froze and he continued, “I could talk to the others, I’m sure they’d let us. There’s this dinner that me and Steve go to a lot…what do you think?”

A million concerns washed over me, my mind thinking of several “what ifs”. He looked at me and his blue eyes had a spark of hope in them which softened the edges of my worries slightly. I exhaled and hesitantly nodded.

“Sure…if we’re allowed to,” I gave him a smile, “Then I’d love to.”

He grinned and gave me a hug before I walked towards the door.

“It’s a date.”

I almost missed his words as I shut the door behind me.

“You’re late,” Steve said behind crossed arms as he waited by the elevator for me.

I rolled my eyes, “By five minutes,” I grumbled as the elevator doors closed.

“How’d you sleep?” He smiled, glancing over at me, “I was going to invite Bucky to come watch you train…but he wasn’t in his room.”

“I wouldn’t mess with me today, Cap,” I smiled smugly.

The elevator doors opened as his eyebrow went up, “Oh? And why’s that?”

I batted my eyelashes at him, “I got an extra boost of protein this morning.”

I cackled at the look on his face, leaving him behind in the elevator as he struggled to find a come-back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3


	10. Find Someone Worth Feeling It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Date night ends with a bang ;) Hope everyone enjoys!
> 
> Warnings: Gore

I groaned at the soreness in my legs as I stepped out of my shower. Training today was more grueling than usual and Steve made me run countless laps around the room at the end; he also insisted I ran up straight, rather than on all fours. I dried myself off and pulled on the clothes I grabbed after I stumbled into my room.

The pair of dark red athletic leggings had a subtle and seemingly random design on them, but after I pulled them on, I realized that the design served to accentuate my butt. I made a small impressed noise as I looked at my reflection in the mirror behind me. I then threw on a white tank top and a black cotton jacket.

I brushed my hair before washing out my gloves and glove-shoes in the sink, drying them with my towel before slipping them on.

I crept into the kitchen, my stomach growling at me, to find Thor, Loki, and Tony talking. Tony looked up at me and smiled.

“Hey, Kira!” I narrowed my eyes at the sound of my real name leaving his mouth, “Just the person I wanted to see.”

I glanced at Loki who shrugged and returned my attention to Tony, who was now in front of me. He seemed genuinely nervous which troubled me even more.

“I-Bruce was wondering if sometime you could swing by the lab for some…questions and maybe give a few samples?”

I pursed my lips. Steve and I had talked about this before. He confessed that they had gotten a hair sample and blood from me shortly after I arrived here. Tony also did some sort of scratch test on my claws, which explained how he knew what the make the gloves out of. But he also said that they would probably want to run more tests on me. After I stubbornly refused, he explained that, if I wanted to go on missions, they would need to know some basic information about me and my body.

I sighed, crossing my arms, “Okay, let me grab a bite to eat then you can take me there.”

Tony seemed relieved and automatically quipped, “No chewing on the lab equipment though.”

“Where are you going?” A pair of arms wrapped around me and I fought against the smile that was creeping onto my face.

I turned to look up at Bucky who had showered and changed since this morning and glanced over at Steve who was standing beside him.

Tony put up his hands and looked at me, “You can’t have two super-soldier bodyguards, that’s against the rules.”

I rolled my eyes and turned towards Bucky, “After I eat, he’s gonna take me to Bruce in the lab to run some experiments.”

Bucky’s jaw ticked and he set his hard gaze onto Tony, tightening his hold on me.

“Hey, she agreed,” Tony quickly added.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked me, his eyes searching mine.

I nodded, “Yeah. And, besides, I’d like to learn more about myself too and who better to turn to than a genius?”

I could almost hear the smug look emanating from Tony before I added, “And Tony will be there too.”

Steve cracked up and I heard Loki snicker as well. I looked back to Bucky, where he seemed to be lost in thought. After noticing me staring, he looked down at me and sighed.

“Fine, I’m going with,” He stated, mainly directed at Tony.

Pleased, I pushed down the feelings of pain and memories of the past, instead focusing on eating a large bowl of cereal, taking more time than usual to finish it.

…

Tony knocked to the door frame to the lab, causing Bruce to perk up from the papers he was leaning over.

“She succumbed to my charm,” Tony declared, standing aside to show me and Bucky behind him.

I rolled my eyes and tentatively took a few steps forward into the room. Bruce stood up and walked over, offering me his hand.

“Hi, I know things may be a bit weird between us, but I’m glad you came.”

I shook his hand lightly, looking around at the massive room.

“Here’s the deal,” My voice was surprisingly firm, “Tell me everything you’re going to do before you do it. No fire, liquid nitrogen, acids, deep wounds, or broken bones. No restraints or sedatives.”

Bruce blinked a few times, “Uh, yeah, that’s…reasonable.”

Tony walked over to a chair, patting the seat, “Sit here.”

I swallowed and sat down in the seat. Bucky stood beside me, combing his fingers softly through my hair. It calmed my nerves down slightly. I glanced up at him and he smiled.

“If you want to stop, just say the word, Doll. I’ll throw you over my shoulder and run away.”

Tony hummed, “How romantic.”

Tony busied himself poking at a screen while Bruce readied a butterfly needle after putting gloves on. He grabbed an alcohol swab and went to wipe my arm when he paused.

He looked at me, “I’m going to clean your arm, tie a rubber ribbon around your arm, then stick this needle in to try and take some blood, okay?”

I nodded and jumped a little at the coldness as he swiped the swab across the inside of my elbow. Bucky’s hand lightly gripped my shoulder, reminding me that he was there for me. The rubber material pulled at the hairs of my upper arm. I didn’t react as the needle broke through my skin. After a few attempts, dark blood flowed through the tube connected to the needle and Bruce quickly attached empty vials to the tube, filling each of them.

“It’ll come back normal,” I warned after he took the rubber ribbon off and pulled the needle away, dumping it into a hazardous waste container.

Tony audibly sighed and Bruce explained, “That’s what it came back as last time.”

“Used to make Doctor so mad,” I recollected.

“Who is…Doctor?” Bucky spoke up beside me.

I looked at him while Bruce was getting a plastic baggie.

“Doctor is the name given to whatever doctor is assigned to me. I went through a couple Doctors, they would retire or die and I would get another,” I explained, “Same thing goes for Father, but I went through less of those.”

“So, do you want to pull out some hair for me or do you want me to do it?” Bruce spoke up, now standing in front of me with the baggie in hand.

I twisted a few strands of my hair and pulled them out by the root, placing them into the bag, “Is that enough?”

Bruce nodded and sealed the bag. Tony cleared his voice, making me look at him.

“So, the…experiments they did on you, do you know what they were looking for or trying to do?”

I nodded, “They wanted to make more people like me, their soldiers and agents specifically. My last Doctor focused on testing the limits of my abilities as well. I know they put my blood and bone marrow into different test subjects.”

“Did it do anything?” Bruce queried.

I shook my head then reconsidered, “Well, it killed them. I don’t think my blood belongs in others.”

Tony seemed to think, staring at the vials of my blood Bruce had set on the counter.

Bucky seemed to follow Tony’s gaze, “Isn’t her blood a little…darker than normal?”

Bruce replied, “Blood pulled from veins is usually darker because of the lower oxygen content.”

“Yeah, but that’s really dark. It’s almost black,” Tony thought out loud.

“If there was another abnormal about it, the tests would show it,” Bruce pulled off his gloves.

“What if we’re not running the right tests,” Tony muttered, doing something quickly on his screen.

“You guys done with her?” Bucky said impatiently causing me to smirk.

“Yes, for now,” Bruce smiled politely, “Thank you, Kira.”

…

I paced back and forth in my room, pausing once again to peer into my closet. _Why am I so nervous?_ I wanted to crawl out of my skin and couldn’t help but feel completely unqualified to make these sort of decisions. Bucky, somehow, had convinced everyone to let him take me out of the tower tonight. There were a lot of rules of course, but I was still baffled that this was actually happening. I whined to him about not putting me in a box, but now that I had the opportunity to leave, I felt the urge to dig my heels.

I sighed, flopping onto my bed, “Friday?”

“Yes, Kira?” She responded.

“Can you…send a message to Nat and ask her to come here?” I squinted my eyes shut.

“Of course.”

It wasn’t long before a knock came from my door and she opened it, not waiting for my response. She closed the door behind her and chuckled at my body sprawled out on my bed.

I tilted my head to look at her as she crossed her arms and smirked, “Help.”

“My pleasure,” Her smile grew.

She darted into my closet and emerged seconds later, apparently already knowing what to pick. I threw off the sleep shirt I threw on after my shower when I first got back into my room. She turned to me and raised her eyebrows suggestively when she saw I had picked a lacy black underwear set.

“Looking to get lucky?” She teased, handing me the sundress.

I snorted, luckily I never felt embarrassed in front of her.

“I like to be prepared,” I smiled, slipping the dress over my head.

I walked over to the mirror and my smile slipped into a look of surprise. _I look so…normal._ The dress was a dark navy blue with a simple flower pattern adorning it. The straps were thin, making me thankful that my bra was strapless, and the simple sweetheart neckline accentuated my breasts but was also modest. The dress came in at my waist then flowed out, the hem a few inches above my knees.

“I look…” I struggled to find the right word.

“Beautiful,” Nat insisted and I smiled at her.

“Now,” She rubbed her hands together, “Hair and makeup.”

By the time she was done with me, I could barely recognize myself in the mirror. After some haggling and wrestling, she managed to curl my hair into soft waves. I insisted that it was a normal reaction to not want a burning hot metal rod next to your scalp, but I did appreciate the results. For the makeup, which was another foreign concept to me, she explained that she went for a mostly natural look.

My eyelashes look thick and longer than I’ve ever seen them and the subtle brown eye shadow somehow made my eyes look even bluer. The lipstick was close to my natural lip color, just a fraction brighter. She managed to tame my eyebrows and she dusted some blush on my cheeks. Standing back and looking at me, she looked proud.

“Thank you,” I whispered, still staring at my reflection.

A swell of emotions rushed through me as I stared at the girl in the reflection. She looked like a regular girl in her early 20s. I could see the hope for the future in her eyes. Her future held a career; she could be a chef, a writer, or maybe a scientist or engineer. She could buy a house, get married, have kids. _Grow old with the person she loves._ I thought both bitterly and wistfully.

“You’re very welcome,” Her voice brought me back to reality, “I can’t wait to see Bucky’s face.”

I gave her a small smile, meeting her eyes in the reflection, “Do you ever…wish you could have a normal life?”

I regretted my question as I watched her eyes grow sad even if her expression remained the same. She nodded slightly.

“At one point,” She confessed, “I wanted kids…a normal job, too.”

I didn’t know what else to say, so I muttered out, “I can’t have children either. Hydra tried…many times, but it never took.”

She looked like she wanted to touch me, comfort me, but she was hesitant even though I allowed her to touch my face to apply the makeup. I slowly hugged her, reading myself against the initial jolt. The knee-jerk reaction was steadily losing intensity the more I opened myself up. She breathed out a chuckle and gently hugged me back.

I released her and put on a pair of black boots over my glove-shoes.

“You know,” I said, struggling to put the last one on, “I’d like to think that my mother was like you. Strong, confident, wise, and brave. I mean, I had to get my stubbornness from somewhere,” I grinned at her, winking.

Her smile grew as I finally stood back up, “Oh, don’t say wise. Wise makes me seem old.”

I snorted, “Compared to me, you’re a spring chicken.”

I walked over to the bathroom to pop the contacts in. Tony had them made, an exact replica of my “normal” eyes. I couldn’t exactly control when and where my pupils turn into slits, so this was the safer option. They stung and itched at first, but the more I blinked, the better they felt. I vaguely wondered how they could get all of this ready on such short notice. Was this previously planned? I returned to the room.

“Ready? Oh!” She darted back into the closet and came back out with a long black cardigan, “It may get cold later tonight and you’ll need pockets for the call switch.”

_How long am I staying out?_ I blinked and put it on. Nat handed me a small device with button and a small safety switch which I placed in the pocket. Tony had given it to me after I was wary of learning how to use a cellphone. If I needed help, I could flip the small switch which would activate the button and, once pressed, it would signal the team. I gave myself one last check in the mirror and turned to her, my nerves racing.

…

I followed Nat into the lounge room, where seemingly the entire Avengers team was waiting. Everyone paused and looked at us, well mainly me. I found Bucky’s eyes immediately and my smile instantly mimicked his.

Tony let out a long whistle and walked up to me, “These…” He held up another pair of gloves almost identical to the ones I was already wearing, “Are you’re ‘going out’ gloves.”

I raised my eyebrow but took off my gloves, slipping the new ones on instead. The material seemed lighter, thinner than my original ones and the metal bands had little etchings on them to make them look like bracelets. They hissed and formed to my hands just the same. Tony pressed a hidden button on the sides of both of them and I let out a small gasp as the gloves dissolved away. I wiggled my fingers, I could still feel the material but it had become completely transparent.

“Slightly impressive, “I murmured and Tony scoffed.

Bucky stood up and walked over to me, “You ready to go, Doll?”

Steve stood up from the couch, “Wait. Now I went over some rules with you, repeat them.”

I rolled my eyes and repeated what he told me earlier and adding a little at the end, “Stick with Bucky, minimal contact with others, hit the call button if anything happens, don’t draw attention to myself, and only address you as Daddy America.”

Clint, Tony, and Sam bust out laughing and I smiled, knowing that Steve had a new nickname now. Steve rolled his jaw around, half-glaring at me as I met him with challenging eyes. Bucky snickered beside me.

“Take her away,” Steve mumbled, sitting back down in a huff.

I smiled at Bucky as we turned to leave, Tony’s voice stopped us.

“Wait, wait, wait,” He said, causing both me and Bucky to groan, “Now,” He turned to address Bucky, rolling his shoulders back, “You are to have her home by 10. And no funny business.”

I leaned against the door frame, slightly amused, “Nah, I think Clint could do better.”

I glanced over at him and he sprang up, walking over to Bucky who had a similar amused expression. Clint crossed his arms and glared at him.

“If you hurt her, I’ll chop your balls off, feed them to you, fish them out of your stomach, staple them back on and repeat the process again and again.”

I nodded approvingly and Tony huffed, “Okay, but mine was traditional, classic.”

“Steve, you wanna try?” I offered, knowing he was still annoyed.

“Nope. Do whatever you want with her,” He said in mock disdain.

“Anything I want?” Bucky winked at me suggestively.

I smirked, grabbing his arm and drug him out into the hall, “Let’s go, I’m hungry.”

…

I couldn’t take my eyes off of the window, looking out at the scenery passing by. It was already dark, but there were still a lot of people walking on the sidewalk and rows and rows of buildings. Bucky’s flesh hand came to rest on my knee while his metal hand loosely gripping the steering wheel. Tony had lent us a simple, black car which we had gotten into in the tower’s parking garage, so I had technically still not been outside.

Even though we were protected in the car, a barrage of scents made my head swim. I blinked hard, trying to focus on just Bucky’s. It was like a heavy, constant stream of information was cutting through my mind. I fought the urge to analyze each one, trying to pinpoint where and who it was coming from. My Beast side was screaming at me to get out of there, return to a safe place. I set my mind on breathing evenly in and out.

“You ok, Doll?” Bucky’s deep voice helped to ground me.

I grabbed his hand from my knee, pressing my nose against the inside of his wrist and nodded, breathing in deep.

“Yeah, just a little…overwhelmed,” I admitted.

I let his scent wash over me as he gently stroked my cheek with his fingers. It slowly seeped over the other scents, taming the stream until it was a trickle. I nuzzled my face into his hand.

“You look beautiful tonight, by the way,” He grinned and glanced at me.

“Thank you, handsome,” I winked at him and he chuckled, seemingly relieved that I wasn’t as distracted.

I let my gaze fall over him. He was wearing dark-washed jeans, a crisp white t-shirt, and a blue bomber jacket that had a hood. His hair was slicked back into a bun and he wore a blue baseball cap. I’m pretty sure the hat was to try and prevent people from recognizing him. He had trimmed his stubble as well.

We talked more, falling into a comfortable conversation. I couldn’t help but laugh at his spot-on Steve impression and I returned the favor by making him laugh at my mediocre Tony impression. We traded short stories from our past. I told him about the fox den that was near one of my favorite places and how, each year, Gran would make me put the fox cub I would try to sneak into the house. He told me about the time he hid a stray kitten in his room as a kid for four days before his mom noticed and hauled it to an animal shelter.

“She was livid,” He grinned, “But really, how was I supposed to know it had fleas?”

I snickered and smirked, “I guess you still have a soft spot for stray animals, huh?”

He rolled his eyes playfully and squeezed my knee, “You’re not an animal, Doll.”

“But I wouldn’t mind taming you,” He added and winked at me.

I scoffed even though I couldn’t wipe the grin from my face.

“We’re here,” He pointed out as he pulled into a parking lot.

The diner was quaint and old-fashioned. It looked like it hadn’t been changed since it opened decades ago. The parking lot was almost empty and I was thankful for it. Bucky held the door open for me and I smiled as the inside seemed light and cheerful. We settled into a booth farthest away from the door.

“Good evening, what can I get you guys to drink?” A waitress appeared, her flipbook in hand and a seemingly sincere smile gracing her lips.

“I’ll have a coffee,” Bucky spoke up, reaching over to grab my hand. I wished I could feel him through the invisible gloves. The waitress looked over at me, placing menus in front of us.

“Water, please,” My voice was small. She nodded and smiled before walking away.

“How are you doing?” My eyes met his at the sound of his voice, he looked concerned.

I gave him a smile and entwined my fingers into his on top of the table.

“Better than I thought,” I confessed, “It’s just hard going against the Beast, you know?”

“What is it telling you to do?” He sounded like he was trying not to offend me.

I looked down at the table, “Run away. Preferably to a vast forest where no one will ever find me.”

The waitress came back with our drinks and took our order. I realized I hadn’t looked at the menu and sent Bucky a look. He understood and ordered a small, personal pizza for me. I smiled at him in approval and he looked slightly proud that he knew what I wanted.

“So, tell me about yourself,” He mused, leaning his chin on his other hand.

I snorted lightly, but played along, “Well let’s see. My favorite color is blue, favorite food is my Gran’s sweet pickles, favorite –“

“No, no,” He cut me off, grinning, “I need to know about _you_. Your essence, your hopes and dreams,” He stared off into space dramatically for a moment, “Your purpose in life.”

I laughed, shaking my head at his theatrics, “My essence? What does that even mean?”

He shrugged, a goofy grin on his face, “I dunno. Sounds romantic though.”

“Oh, so you’re trying to seduce me,” I winked and sipped on my water.

“But I do wanna know that stuff,” He stared at our hands, rubbing his thumb on my hand.

“Well, I don’t know anything about essences,” I began, now staring at our hands as well, “As far as hopes and dreams…I’m not sure, I’m not exactly used to being able to think about the future yet. I guess one would be to find my home again. I’d like to take you there.”

_So both of my homes would be in the same place._ I jolted slightly, the thought taking me by surprise. Bucky noticed, but before he could say anything, I pressed on.

“I guess my hope is that I learn to live in freedom. I hope that I won’t be so scared of…everything. And my purpose…” I paused, the answer immediately popping into my head, but I quickly buried it. It sounds insane even in my mind, much less how it would sound in words. I struggled to think of another answer, but the same one kept resurfacing. I shook my head, confused at why I couldn’t seem to get in control of my own mind. _Is even the Beast pushing this forward?_

“Doll?” I snapped my eyes back to him, “Talk to me.”

“I-uh sorry,” I swallowed, my eyes staring harder at him than I meant for them to, “My purpose is to protect the team…my family.”

His eyes softened, “We’ll protect you too, Doll.”

I exhaled, relieved, “What about you? What are your plans for the future?”

He sighed, “I guess I haven’t given it much thought either. Well,” He corrected himself, “Until recently. I think, eventually, I want to retire from the hero stuff, maybe get a cabin somewhere. I used to be a city boy through and through, but I think it would be nice to have some peace and quiet. Who knows, maybe I’ll even settle down and get hitched.”

I thought back to staring at the girl in my reflection earlier. A normal girl, a girl who can grow old with him, love him without putting him in danger of her past, live a nice, peaceful life with him. My heart shattered as I realized how badly I wanted that for him and how badly I wanted to be her.

I didn’t notice that our food had arrived until I caught the waitress leaving in my peripheral.

“I can’t be her,” I whispered, retracting my hand from his.

“Doll…Kira,” Bucky tried to chase my hand, but I was too quick.

Bucky’s phone rang and, with a frustrated growl, he answered it. I watched his anger morph into fear right as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Before I could react, Bucky leaped over the table onto me as the world flashed a blinding white before dissipating into darkness.

…

_I stood over the carcass, it was so deformed that you would never be able to tell that it was once a mountain lion. I was drenched in blood, majority of it wasn’t mine. The lion managed to knick my arm, but I still couldn’t feel it, adrenaline numbing the pain. Gran gently took my arm, leading me away and onto the porch. My teeth were still bared, any my eyes scanned the body for any hint of moment._

_“Shh, little Lamb,” Gran’s voice soothed the restless gnawing in my mind._

_“It was going to hurt you,” My voice sounded gravelly as a growl bubbled through my chest._

_“You did very good. You protected me,” Her voice was soft and even as she poured water over the gash on my arm, “Now it is over. The Beast can go to sleep.”_

_I felt my body relax, my eyes fluttering. I hissed at the sharp pain as stitched the wound close. Tears fell from my face as I slowly felt a little more like myself._

_“I-I couldn’t stop it,” I sobbed, trying to hold still for her._

_“I know,” She cooed, now done with the stitches and was smearing a paste onto it, “Do you know why I call you little Lamb?”_

_I shook my head, unable to speak through my snot and tears._

_“I call you Lamb to remind the Beast that, while it may be strong, there are opposite forces that are just as strong. And very soon, you will be given the gift of the Lamb,” She smiled warmly at me, placing a hand on my cheek, “It is your purpose, little Lamb.”_

…

I opened my eyes with a groan, familiar scents wafting around me. I sat up, my body protesting at the movement, a ringing in my ears. I looked around for a moment, realizing I was in the medical bay in the tower before reality came crashing over my head. _Bucky._ I tore out my IV and contacts. I whipped my gloves and shoes off, running out into the hallway.

“Steve!” I shouted to him when my eyes fell on him. He was standing, pacing in front of two large double doors.

He looked relieved, then concerned, then forlorn when he saw me. I ran over to him.

“What the hell happened? Where’s Buc-“ I cut myself off when I noticed his scent coming from behind the doors.

My legs threatened to fall out from under me and Steve held me steady. My mouth fell open and tears started streaming down my face. His scent was weak, rapidly fading. My heart felt like someone filled it with cement and it was cracking. Something deep inside me told me he was dying. A pain like nothing I have ever felt before ripped through my entire body, it flowed through my mouth in the form of an inhuman, guttural scream.

Suddenly I felt knocked back, all air leaving my body. I felt my feet carry me to the doors. I threw them open, striding inside. I didn’t hear the protests of the doctors and surgeons, I didn’t feel Steve trying to pull me back. Bucky was laying on the table, hooked up to machines. There was a large gash spanning over his entire chest, from the amount of blood underneath him, it seemed like there was another gash on his back. He was loosing blood, too much too quickly.

I walked over to his side. Steve tried to pick me up and I barely felt my hands grab him, launching him across the room, my focus was on Bucky the entire time. I felt a rush of air past my ear, picking my hair up. My left hand found a scalpel on a tray next to me. I watched as I lifted my right hand, another gust of wind whipping through the room. I sliced an X into my palm. My blood dripped onto him before I pressed my hand to his chest. I closed my eyes.

_“Just didn’t want you to eat alone.”_

_“I feel strangely…connected to you.”_

_“I knew you’d like this room.”_

_“Hey, you’re okay.”_

_“You tryin’ to steal my girl, punk?”_

_“I will always come back to you.”_

The spirally air around me suddenly halted. My eyes snapped back open as a searing pain seeped into my hand, my vision clouded in a white haze. The white hot scorching pain traveled up my arm, wrapping around my chest and back. My head fell back as my mouth gaped open in a silent scream. I couldn’t move or even think, the pain filling all my senses as I felt my flesh rip open, blood pouring under my dress.

“Kira! Kira, stop,” Steve’s muffled voice reached my ears as the white haze in my eyes steadily turned to darkness.

I was fall backwards as the unbearable burning faded and blissful shock crept over me, carrying a numbness with it. _Find someone,_ a wisp of a voice swept into my mind before I let go, _worth feeling it all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaand the plot thickens :D Thank you for reading!


	11. You Didn't Have to Ask

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: slight description of gore
> 
> The pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together!   
> Hope you enjoy!

\--3rd Person POV—

Steve shook his head as the others reviewed the footage from the surgery room. He was there when it happened, seeing it with his own eyes, and he still couldn’t believe it. He glanced over at Bucky, who was freshly discharged. Doctors and nurses examined him, running scan after scan, but he no longer had a scratch on him. He winced as he thought of where they went.

“I don’t understand,” Tony muttered and Clint scoffed.

“Which part? The glowing white eyes, the unexplainable wind storm, her throwing Cap like a ragdoll, or the fact that she removed Bucky’s wounds and put them on herself?”

“Yeah, that part,” Tony muttered, his eyes scanning the footage again as it replayed on mute.

“Do you recall any of it?” Nat suddenly addressed a very silent Bucky, all eyes falling on him.

He sighed and continued staring at the table, “I – I don’t think I was conscious. There was just…nothing and then…then there was a warmth. Like someone pouring warm water into my chest, it just slowly flooded me.”

He paused, stealing glances at the faces around the table. He knew that it was important for them to understand what was happening on his end, but, for some reason, he felt oddly embarrassed.

“And there was this overwhelming feeling, like I knew I was going to be okay. Then the warmth retreated and left the same way it came,” He blinked a few times, looking up, “The next thing I know, I’m awake.”

Bucky’s heart felt a pang of pain as he remembered his full blown fear after waking up. He didn’t even notice he was completely fine, all he wanted was to find Kira. When Steve calmed him down enough to show him, a strangled sob left his throat at the sight of her. The surgeons were working frantically to cauterize her wounds to give her time to heal herself. She was deathly pale and her heart rate monitor beeping agonizingly slow.

It looked nothing short of a grisly murder scene, her body trying to replenish blood faster than she lost it. She didn’t look like she could possibly be alive.

“It’s obvious that she didn’t know she could do…that,” Steve spoke up, breaking Bucky of his trance, “She looked completely out of it when she walked through the doors. Like something else was controlling her.”

“The Beast?” Sam suggested.

Bucky shook his head, “I don’t think it’s the Beast.”

He recalled the little pieces here and there that Kira would divulge about the Beast.

“The Beast is a protector, afraid of nearly everyone and everything. I think it’s more of a weapon,” He admitted.

“Wanda mentioned another presence inside of her…a lighter one,” Nat glanced at Clint, who nodded, “Maybe that’s what was behind all this.”

“I knew her little myth was real,” Loki appeared at the doorway, smugly leaning against it, earning glares and sneers from everyone.

“Learn to read the room, Dracula,” Tony scoffed, “What the hell are you even doing here?”

Loki rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, “Thor’s not the only one who can travel from Asgard. I’ve been keeping tabs on her magic,” He confessed nonchalantly, “When there was a sudden spike, I knew something must’ve happened.”

Bucky growled and clenched his fists on the arms of his chair, crushing the metal under his mechanical arm. He wanted to rip someone’s throat out and Loki seemed like a prime candidate. The words “keeping tabs on her” made his jaw grind.

“If you’re not gonna be fucking useful, get out,” He snapped, glaring into the god’s eyes.

Loki seemingly ignored him, “The other presence is the Lamb.”

He skillfully recounted Kira’s words about the Lamb and the Beast almost exactly as the others followed along.

“So the Lamb is good and the Beast is evil?” Sam said arching an eyebrow.

Bucky shook his head, still irritated, “No, I don’t think the Beast is evil, it protects her.”

Tony rubbed his temples, “The Beast in the story seems big and bad, but you said the Beast in her is scared shitless all of the time.”

“Maybe wary is a better word,” Loki mused, slightly amused at the amount of hate ebbing off of Bucky towards him.

“Guys, she spent most of her life being tortured,” Nat started getting frustrated as well, “That’s gotta have some sort of effect on all of her, even the…other things in her. And, in the story, the Lamb and the Beast weren’t forced into one person. We can’t do anything more than speculate until she wakes up.”

_If she wakes up_ , Bucky automatically thought, immediately causing a painful rush in his chest. He stood up quickly, the chair almost falling behind him, and left the room without another word.

…

Bucky stared at her form on the hospital bed, subconsciously timing his breathing to her slowed heartbeat beeping on the monitor. The doctors had wrapped her chest up after finally being able to stop the bleeding. Though you could still see some blood staining the white material, he was thankful her wounds were covered. He closed his eyes for a moment, grimacing at the memory of them. He swallowed, reaching forward to take her limp, cold hand into his flesh one.

“You know…when you wake up,” He pulled a fake grin onto his face, “I think I owe you another date, Doll.”

He watched her face, part of him expecting to see a smile curl onto her colorless lips.

“We can go anywhere you wanted,” He added, hearing the slight desperation in his voice.

He sighed and looked down at his hand holding hers. Her skin felt so soft, smooth against his calloused palm. He felt helpless. He had failed to protect her. Out of his peripheral, he saw Steve walk into the room.

“What did Bruce say?” He asked, not looking at his friend.

Steve sighed and sat down in a chair against the wall, “Said her healing rate was a lot slower this time. When she…took over the wounds, they were worse on her, deeper,” He paused, running a hand through his hair, “He’s concerned that she’ll run out of the energy she needs to heal. He doesn’t know what will happen if she does.”

Steve scanned the expression on Bucky’s face as he took in the information. Bruce had revealed that the gashes almost went completely through her, slicing into her heart and crushing her ribcage. He elected not to tell Bucky that. Steve felt his own wave of helplessness as he stared at Kira’s closed eyes. He silently begged for her to wake up. He missed that satisfied smile on her face when she successfully made him blush.

“Did we find anything more about what happened at the diner?” Bucky glanced at him.

“We recovered a fragment of the bomb, Tony’s testing it. The blast killed everyone else in the diner.”

“Think it was Hydra?” Steve added when Bucky didn’t say anything else.

He shrugged, his head too full of thoughts to think clearly. Steve took the hint and stood up, walking over to clasp a hand onto his friend’s shoulder before leaving the room.

Bucky visited Kira every day. After the first few days, he got used to talking to her even though she couldn’t respond. Nat, Steve, and Sam were especially heartbroken by Bucky’s persistence as the days passed by. The tower seemed different without Kira and everyone felt it even though they all pretended they were fine.

Bruce found out that giving her a shot of adrenaline once a day helped to speed up the process of her healing and he dosed it carefully, not wanting to overload her heart and cause more damage for her to heal. Other than that, it seemed like all anyone could do was wait.

\--Kira POV—

“ – Steve went in my place, I didn’t want to leave in case…in case you woke –“

“ – we were kids, I once convinced Steve to use a British accent to impress a girl. Oh man, you would have laughed – “

“I think Nat bought more clothes for you…she misses you too, we all do.”

“ – another nightmare last night. I really need your face tickling magic, Doll.”

“ – take you away from all this. Maybe get a cabin in the woods. Everyday just you and – “

“But, anyways, you should have seen Tony today, he fell flat on his face – “

“Please wake up, please –“

“ – and Sam called Steve Daddy America today. I know you’d be so proud.”

“ – and I…I love – “

 _Bucky?_ Fragments of his deep voice rumbled through my mind as my consciousness rose and waned. I didn’t know where I was, my thoughts were sluggish and I was too tired to understand them. I felt a slight pressure on my hand and I automatically used what I could scrape together of my strength to close my fingers around it.

\--3rd Person POV—

Bucky was looking at Nat as she talked from the chair across the room when he felt something on the back of his hand. Thinking it was a bug, he glanced and nearly leapt out of his seat when he saw Kira’s fingers moving to grip his hand. Nat rushed over, seeing it as well, before her fingers relaxed again.

“Kira?” Nat called out tentatively, but she didn’t respond.

Bucky was beaming, “That’s a good sign, right?”

She nodded, “I’ll go get the doctors.”

She left the room quickly and Bucky caressed Kira’s cheek.

“You’re gonna be okay, Doll. I’m right here,” He muttered, not able to wipe the grin off of his face while he raised up her hand and planted a kiss to the back of it.

\--Kira POV—

I slipped back and forth from unconsciousness and semi-consciousness. I had not way of telling time or what day it was. I slowly became aware of the fact that I was healing, the familiar prickling and tingling sensation was welcome. It was a lot better than floating in nothingness. I still heard snippets of Bucky’s voice coming in and out. The sound was nice and comforting.

“ – 80% healed now,” Bruce’s voice stuck out to me after only hearing Bucky’s.

Wait. _What was I healing from?_ A flood of memories came rushing back, first piece by piece then merging together. I cracked my eyes open and they instantly watered from the bright light in the room. I looked over, trying to focus on the blurry figure I knew was Bucky. Relief washed over me as I noticed that his scent was strong. I blinked a few times, clearing my vision and attempted to swallow even though my mouth and throat was dry. He was turned away from me, facing Bruce who stood at the doorway, talking to him about me.

“Are you okay?” I croaked out, sounding like a chain-smoker, and Bucky jumped and tightened his grip on my hand as he whipped around.

Pure joy seemed to light up his eyes as he breathed out a shocked laugh, “Kira? Doll. Y-you’re awake.”

I gave him a small smile, “I’m guessing I was out for a while?”

Bruce appeared on the other side of my bed, looking at me, “25 days. How do you feel?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a bus,” I grimaced and glanced down, “Why am I bandaged up?”

Underneath the hospital gown, I could feel the pressure and scratchy material of a medical wrap over my torso. Underneath it, I felt a sharp and throbbing pain corresponding with every breath I took. Bruce shared a look with Bucky over me.

“Do you remember what happened in the surgery room?” Bruce looked at me with crinkly eyebrows.

I squinted, “I saw Bucky,” I winced at the memory and Bucky pressed my hand to his lips, “I remember feeling…weird. And then a burning and then nothing.”

I locked eyes with Bucky, “What happened? How did you…?”

He smiled, “You saved me, Doll. You, uh, you healed me.”

I could tell there was something he wasn’t telling me.

“How did I do that?”

“You took his wounds. They disappeared off of him and appeared on you, except worse,” Bruce chimed in.

I blinked a few times. _The Lamb._ I knew my healing ability came from the Lamb inside of me, but I’ve never been able to heal anyone else before. The Beast in me had always overpowered the Lamb, shoving it so far back that I rarely noticed it’s presence. _There are opposite forces that are just as strong._ Gran’s words drifted into my consciousness.

“What did my eyes look like when I woke up?” I asked the men after a moment.

Bucky looked slightly concerned at my question, “Normal, why?”

“Holy shit,” I breathed out.

As I woke up, I didn’t automatically check the scents around me. I didn’t have even a moment of panic about where I was or who was around me. I only worried about Bucky. I now noticed the shift inside of me. The Beast was still present, still strong, but now the Lamb was dulling the sharp fear and apprehension that the Beast produced. I was so enthralled in my thoughts, I didn’t notice Bruce or Bucky trying to talk to me until Bucky cupped my cheek.

“Doll, come on, say something,” He muttered.

I shook my head, “Sorry. I’m fine.”

He gave me a look that said he didn’t believe me. I sat up slowly despite their protests. I grabbed the IV attached to me and when Bruce’s hand impulsively clamped down onto my wrist to stop me, nothing stirred inside of me. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, making the men send me questioning stares.

“Uh, you still have healing to do,” Bruce calmly said, “You need to rest.”

I huffed in annoyance, “It’s just a flesh wound now, I’m perfectly fine to get up and walk.”

Bruce crossed his arms, “As your doctor, I can’t allow that.”

I sighed, “I know my limits. Here, just let me stand and I’ll show you.”

Bruce sighed heavily but reluctantly agreed. After pulling the IV and other wires attached to me out, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and Bucky gently helped me stand. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him, closing my eyes as he hugged me close and breathed in my hair.

“Miss you, Doll,” He grinned down at me after I let him ago.

I smiled at him before turning around to walk to the other side of the room. I stifled a groan as my whole body was stiff and aching with each step. I rolled my neck, letting a few satisfying cracks out.

As I walked back to Bucky, Bruce was scanning my figure, “How do you feel?”

“Stiff and sore,” I replied, “The wounds on my chest don’t feel too great, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

Bruce scowled in concern, “You can walk the hall a few times, but then you come back and rest until you’re completely healed.”

Bucky smiled and stuck his arm out for me, “I’ll walk ya, Doll.”

I snickered and threaded my arm through his. As soon as we entered the hallway, a commotion erupted by the elevator. We both looked over to see Steve, Nat, Sam, Tony, and Clint all looked shocked and happy.

“Friday just messaged us saying you woke up, how are you already walking around?” Nat said shaking her head as they walked over to us.

Sam reached us first, a look of relief in his eyes and a smirk on his mouth.

“I knew our girl was too tough to – “ He was cut off as I pulled him into a hug.

Everyone froze and sharp pain emanated from my wounds, but I ignored them. After a moment, he returned the hug and I could feel his head snapping back and forth to the others.

“So…where’s Kira and why is her doppelganger hugging Sam?” Tony said.

I pulled back, grinning, “Turns out discovering a new power can really change a girl.”

I saw Steve share a look with Bucky as Sam grinned at me. Steve suddenly pushed Sam to the side and stood before me.

“My turn,” He grinned, enveloping me into a hug.

I snorted out a laugh, “Just can’t keep your hands off of me, huh Cap?”

In response, he tightened his grip causing me to wince.

“Hey, be careful idiot,” Nat reprimanded him and he immediately released me.

“Oh geez, I’m sorry. I forgot,” He gave me an apologetic smile.

Tony cleared his throat and stepped forward. I rolled my eyes, slightly regretting starting the hug-fest. I hugged him as well, the metal in his chest was painful against mine, but I bared through it. Clint was happily next. Nat, the only one mindful of my wounds, gave me a side hug, rubbing her hand on my back. I looked over to Sam and Bucky who were having some sort of quiet argument.

“You guys didn’t maul her did you?” Bruce appeared in the hallway with us.

“Steve did,” Clint answered, earning a glare from Steve.

Bruce sighed and gestured back into my room, “Back in.”

I sighed and went to walk forward when Bucky suddenly scooped me up and held me bridal-style. I breathed out, relaxing against him as he carried me back into the room and lightly set me down on the bed. Everyone filed in and from the look on their faces, I could tell something was up. Bucky took his seat beside the bed and everyone else awkwardly stood in the room.

“So what’s up?” I finally asked after sharing a glance with Bucky.

Tony hit Steve in the back, signaling him to speak.

He cleared his throat, speaking in a formal tone of voice, “Well, we were wondering if you could tell us…more about you.”

I resisted the urge to mess with him, I could tell he was trying to be serious. I could feel the old habit of clamming up bubble inside of me. I scanned the faces of everyone in the room and I couldn’t find one that I wouldn’t go to extreme lengths to protect. In the early days of my imprisonment, I used to dream of one day having a family again, somewhere I belonged. _Leave it to me to find a weird-ass family._

“Maybe we should wait to talk about this,” Bucky interrupted my thinking, rubbing my arm.

I shook my head and looked at Steve, “What do you want to know?”

“Wait,” Tony held up his hands and hauled Sam and Clint with him out of the room. They came back in a moment later with enough chairs for everyone, shutting the door behind them. Everyone took a seat.

“What is the Beast?” Steve asked sitting up straight in his chair.

I feigned disappointment, shaking my head, “You didn’t raise your hand.”

He gave an annoyed sigh but raised his hand into the air. I nodded to him, “Yes, Steve?”

“What is the Beast?” He repeated, “Loki told us the legend, but is it true? How did it get in you?”

“I was born with it,” I replied, “It’s always been a part of me. Gran never told me much about it, only that the Beast chose me. I don’t know if the legend is true; it was one of the bedtime stories she would tell me when I was younger.”

“So is it like a demon?” Tony spoke up.

“I don’t think so,” I began.

Steve whispered to Nat beside him, “Why doesn’t he have to raise his hand?”

“I’m sorry, do you have something to share, Mr. Rogers?” I made eye contact with him and he crossed his arms, but didn’t say anything else. I looked back to Tony.

“Anyways, I don’t think so. I think…I think,” I furrowed my brows, “they’re weaker since they’ve been newly born. The legend implies that they’ve been alive longer than the human race, so after they’re reborn…I think it takes some time for them to be able to exist in this world. They need something grounding them here, like a person. Kinda like a host.”

It felt weird to be voicing my thoughts about the entities inside of me. I’ve had a long time to think about it and, even after all that time, I still don’t have all the answers.

“Can you ask them?” Clint asked, leaning an elbow on his knee.

“No, they don’t talk to me,” I shrugged, “I don’t even know if they can talk. Sometimes they’ll tell me something, but not through words…I just sorta suddenly know it.”

I looked over at Bucky who was taking in everything I said. I smiled at him and brushed a stray hair behind his ear, earning a grin.

“What’s the Lamb?” Steve asked and I decided to ignore the fact that he didn’t raise his hand, “You weren’t born with it?”

“The Lamb is the Beast’s opposite. And no, the Lamb didn’t join the Beast until I was in my early 20s. Gran…,” There was obviously more to the story, but I struggled against my unwillingness to tell it.

Bucky squeezed my hand and I looked into his eyes. I remembered how I almost lost him. I bit into my cheek and closed my eyes as I recounted the story, the memory still vivid in my mind.

_I smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles out of my white dress for the tenth time. I smiled at my reflection. Gran said today was the day and I couldn’t help the nervous excitement coursing through me. I fiddled with the flowers braided into my hair as I waited to sense their arrival._

_“You look stunning,” Gran smiled from the doorway._

_I hopped over to her, “What do you think they’ll smell like? Sound like? Oh, I can show them the pond!”_

_Her eyes crinkled in amusement before placing her hands on my shoulders, “Calm, Little Lamb. They are here for a reason and it’s not for you to show them around.”_

_My excitement slightly fell, but I nodded. I understood this was important, but I couldn’t help but feel like this was the start of something. Like I was on the edge of something amazing. I perked up when I felt a slight shift in the air, breathing in unfamiliar scents in the distance. Gran noticed my reaction and took my hands, getting my attention._

_“Kira…my Lamb,” Her voice was sincere and slightly sad, “I have waited for this day to come for so long. You have grown into such a wonderful, insightful, beautiful young woman. You gave an old woman purpose. No matter what happens, remember that I will always hold you in my heart, Little Lamb.”_

_I felt tears prick my eyes at her words, a wave of comfort washing over me. I threw my arms around her._

_“I am who I am because an amazing woman raised me,” I sniffled, holding on to her, “After the ceremony, let’s make a cake to celebrate.”_

_I pulled away just in time to get a glimpse of the darkness in her eyes. She smiled and nodded. Before I could ask her what was wrong, my attention again flew to the arriving scents. They were close now. I grabbed Gran’s hand and lead her onto the porch, where we could see a group of people hiking towards the house. I bounced up and down with excitement before stopping myself. I reminded myself that the ceremony was supposed to be a serious one. They finally got close enough to talk._

_“Is she ready?” One man asked._

_“Yes,” Gran replied, “I have suppressed the Beast, but we should perform the ritual quickly.”_

_I furrowed my brows, through my excitement I failed to notice how quiet the Beast had been. When did she do that? How did she do that?_

_…_

_I was standing next to Gran, my arm reaching out to hers and my hand gripping her wrist as hers did the same to mine. I winced as a rope was tied around our wrists, connecting us together. I couldn’t recognize the material and it was covered in some sort of syrupy liquid. I began to feel a bit dizzy._

_…_

_A man was talking, saying words I couldn’t understand. My arm started to feel funny, my heart beat grew rapid. I didn’t understand what was happening. Gran had said that I would be given the gift of the Lamb. She didn’t mention any of this. The man’s words went from being incredibly loud to almost nonexistent and back again. I tried to pull my arm away, but it was stuck. I couldn’t get any muscles to move._

_I tried to call the Beast forth, pleading for it to do something. Nothing._

_…_

_Gran’s scream sent shock waves through my body but I didn’t have time to think before an agonizingly hot searing pain shot up my arm, hitting me in the chest before spreading out over my body. The pain was much more than my body could handle. I couldn’t tell if I was screaming as my vision clouded over._

_…_

_I opened my eyes to see that my head was laying on Gran’s lap. Something was different. My mind, my soul, my being felt crowded and suffocating._

_“You did so well, Lamb,” Gran smiled at me._

_Before I could speak, one of the men stepped forward, grabbed my hand and sliced through my palm with a knife. I yelped and gave a half-hearted growl, the Beast was still subdued. An odd tingling and prickling feeling spread through the length of the cut as the blood flowed out of it. I watched in wonder as it closed, leaving the skin looking pristine under the blood. I had watched Gran heal before, but it was so weird and different seeing it on my own flesh._

_“It worked,” Gran kissed the top of my head._

_I smiled at her, watching as she looked up at them, frowning as she gave a curt nod._

_…_

_“GRAN!” I screamed as I struggled against the bindings around my hands and feet._

_I kicked at the men who were carrying me off, “GET OFF. NO! STOP PLEASE GRAN!!”_

_She was standing on the porch, unmoving and watching as they took me further away. Why wasn’t she stopping them? My mouth hung open as one of the men who stayed behind held up a gun to her head. I barely noticed a prick in my arm._

_“NOOO!!” I shrieked, my voice breaking._

_…_

_I was still staring at Gran’s lifeless body on the porch when darkness crept over the corner of my eyes before swallowing me._

“Damn,” Sam muttered after a while.

“That was the Guild?” Steve asked, sympathy in his eyes and I nodded.

I sighed, “The Guild of the Lamb and the Beast.”

“Wait, so there was a guild made for you?” Clint asked.

“From what I know, the Guild was formed way before I came along. When it disbanded, some of the leaders went over to Hydra and took me with them.”

“So what happened in the surgery room?” Nat glanced between me and Bucky.

I shrugged, “I don’t know how I did it, but I know it was the Lamb. I’ve spent so much time in fear and pain, around so many horrible, evil people, that the Beast in me has been in the forefront. I think the Lamb was pushed to the side.”

“After I healed Bucky, I think it brought the Lamb out, giving me more of a balance. I feel…better now. Lighter, I guess, less afraid,” I said stifling a yawn.

“I think we should let her rest,” Nat smiled, standing up and picking up her chair.

The others followed suit.

“Glad you’re back,” Clint nodded to me and smiled.

“We can meet later about your medical bills. I promise not to overcharge,” Tony smirked.

Nat sighed, pushing the two out the door.

Sam walked over to my bed, leaning over, “One hug to go,” He exclaimed happily.

Bucky shifted, placing a hand on Sam’s chest, holding him back.

“Nope,” He stood up, pushing him towards the door, “You’ve exceeded your hug limit for the year.”

“Wha – The year?” Sam feigned shock, looking at me over Bucky’s shoulder, “I’ll come back for you Babygirl,” He said dramatically.

Bucky scoffed and continued pushing him out into the hall, presumably all the way to the elevator.

“You can’t stop true looooooove,” I heard Sam’s voice in the distance and laughed, sharing a look with Steve.

“He’s extra annoying cause he’s happy you’re awake,” Steve smiled knowingly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I slumped down into my pillow, “Today’s been fucking weird,” I muttered while smiling.

“Language,” He shot me a fake disapproving look.

I snorted, hearing Bucky’s footsteps returning. Inwardly, I smirked. I waited until the right moment.

“Your fly is undone,” I nonchalantly told him, watching as he automatically reached for his zipper.

The second before Bucky walked back into the room, I furiously whispered, “Put your penis back!”

Bucky walked in hearing that and both him and Steve’s eyes glanced at Steve’s hands on his zipper. I feigned a look of annoyance for a moment.

“No, no,” Steve stood up, waving his hands, “She – I wasn’t…Ugh.”

He buried his face into his hands, trying to hide the strongest blush I had gotten out of him yet. Bucky looked at me and I winked, causing him to grin. Steve glared at me to which I smiled.

“I’m back,” I said in a sing-song voice to which he rolled his eyes.

Steve grumbled out a goodbye and left the room. Bucky shook his head and walked over to me.

“You’re gonna end up giving him a heart attack,” He grinned.

I scooted over in the bed and patted beside me. He laid down gingerly beside me, the twin bed size making it a snug fit. He laid on his back and I rested my head on his chest, humming in content as I listened to his heartbeat. He snuggled me closer to him.

He was comfy. He wore black sweatpants and a grey long-sleeved hooded shirt with a few buttons leading down from the collar. His hair was slightly greasy, he had it pulled back in a ponytail and his stubble scratched my forehead. I fiddled with one of his buttons as I thought came to me.

“You don’t mind the way I mess with Steve, right?” I asked.

I felt his voice in his chest as he responded, “Nah. He’s a punk.”

I snickered as his flesh hand came up to comb through my hair.

“And besides,” He shifted a little, “It’s not like we’re officially together.”

I prop myself up on my elbow to look at him. His mouth was in a neutral smile, but his eyes were sad and soft as they looked into mine.

“What do you mean?” I asked him, tilting my head and scanning his expression.

He took a breath in, “Well, I haven’t exactly asked you if you’d be mine yet.”

“Oh,” I hummed, dropping my head back onto his chest, “You didn’t have to ask.”

“What?” He gently pushed up on my chin, making me prop an elbow up again to look at him.

He arched an eyebrow at me.

“I’ve been yours,” The words rolled out of my mouth and I smiled at how true they felt.

His lips twitched as he tried to fight off a huge grin. He stroked my cheek.

“How long?” He settled on asking.

“You wanna know what your scent is?” I paused for his nod, “You have three main components,” I explained to him, “Cedar and musk are two of them.”

One side of his mouth curled into a smile, “The third?”

“Tall grass,” I smiled at his look of recognition, “Specifically, tall grass that dances.”

“At first, I thought I felt so close to you because you reminded me of my home in the mountains,” I continued in a smaller voice, “But after what happened…I realized that you remind me of the idea of home, of being home, belonging.”

“Doll,” He muttered, looking up at me.

He cupped my cheek with his flesh hand, gently pulling me down. My eyes fluttered closed as my lips fell onto his. I exhaled, my body relaxing against his as his soft lips slowly starting moving against mine. My free hand moved to rest on his jawline, his scruff slightly scratching my chin. My body automatically shifted slightly, resting more of my weight on top of him and my leg threading itself between his, ignoring the protests from my wounds.

In response to my movement, his tongue swiped over my bottom lip and the corners of my mouth twitched upwards as I denied him. He tried again with the same results, I could feel a grin forming on his lips. Suddenly, his metal arm reached down, smoothing over my ass before gripping it. I yelped out of surprise, his tongue engulfing my mouth. _Sneaky._ I swirled my tongue around his, a soft moan escaping my lips as I tasted him. I pulled back, both of us needing air. I almost moaned again at the sight of him staring at me with hooded eyes.

“Fuck, Doll,” He muttered, brushing some hair out of my face.

His eyes glanced down at me and became wide. I followed his gaze to see blood seeping through my gown.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” He said, getting out of the bed, “Does it hurt? Are you okay?”

I stopped him, moving onto my back and having him lay on his side beside me.

“It’s ok,” I entwined my fingers with his, “I guess I just have to be a little more careful.”

He didn’t seem quite convinced, but relaxed next to me anyways. He nuzzled his face into my neck and put an arm over me, making sure to avoid the bandages. I leaned my cheek against his head.

“I thought I lost you,” He mumbled after a moment.

I smiled, “I thought I lost _you._ ”

“Please don’t ever take my wounds again.”

“I can’t promise that, Darling,” I admitted truthfully, “But I’ll be back in perfect condition in no time.”

I felt his grin grow against my neck, “Good. Cause when that time comes, I plan on fucking you senseless.”

My eyes widened a little and a blush unexpectedly spread across my cheeks. I collected myself quickly.

“Promises, promises,” I muttered and sleep tugged at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smuuuuut in the next chapter ;) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. I Guess He Earned it This Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the longest chapter yet! It's a bit angsty at first, but I hope the end is worth it! 
> 
> Warnings: Smut
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Under Bruce’s almost constant nagging, I did end up spending a few more days resting before I couldn’t take being stuck in a bed anymore. My wounds had closed up even more and weren’t bleeding through my bandages. I was finally allowed to return to the others under strict orders not to push myself or expend my energy. Tony wanted to throw a huge welcome back party for me, but I managed to convince him to wait until I was fully healed. The thought of a huge crowd of partying people did not thrill me.

I was happy to be back with everyone, even though Bucky and Steve insisted on carrying me whenever I would get up to walk. Everyone seemed to hum with contentment as there had also been a lull in missions. The new balance inside of me made everything feel fresh and new but, at the same time, familiar and comfortable. The feeling of being content was abruptly shattered on my second night back in my own room.

I fell asleep blissfully while Bucky was reading. It was a book about the Greek and Roman gods, something he found in the depths of the library. The soft light from his bedside table and the quiet flipping of pages, along with the heat radiating off of him, made my eyelids droop. I curled up against him, a slight smile on my face as I let sleep take me.

Something began to stir my consciousness. Something was steadily pulling me awake no matter how much I resisted it. Before I had the chance to open my eyes, I felt the thrashing behind me. I took a sharp breath in, blinking my eyes open. I was facing the other way now and my sleep-addled mind automatically stirred my body to turn back towards the movement. I didn’t get turned completely around though, because as soon as I started moving, I found myself being pressed into the mattress with a hand on my throat.

I jolt flew through me, the Beast leaping forward and my mind snapped clear. Through the haze of my night-vision, I could clearly see Bucky glaring down at me with his hair messily covering most of his face. _Winter?_ The metal hand that held my throat whirred as it tightened, causing my hands to instinctively fly up to try and pry his fingers open. My claws bit into the vibranium.

I opened my mouth to speak, but all that came out was the remaining air in my lungs. The urge to dig my claws into his flesh as he leaned over me was overshadowed by my mind desperately thinking of a way to snap him out of it without hurting him. My vision was going dotty when I reached up, quickly placing my palm on his cheek. There was a haze in his eyes, he wasn’t fully awake.

It ended just as quickly as it all started as he snapped to. He let out a string of curses as he clamored off of me, hastily flicking the bed side lamp on. He stood up, running a hand through his hand and breathed heavily, looking at me in shock and fear. His eyes flickered to my neck and I quickly focused on healing the bruises that I was sure was already visible. It was too late though, he had seen them and the look on his face said that he would never forget them. He left without a word, despite my protests.

The next few weeks seemingly drug on, Bucky avoiding me, Steve considered about both of us, and Nat trying her best to try and cheer me up. I couldn’t train with Steve while I was still healing, but now that I was cleared, I was looking forward to getting back to it. However, it had apparently gotten out what we were up to. Friday alerted me that Fury wanted to speak to me in his office, or an office that he used when he was at the tower. I steeled myself before walking in, not knowing what to expect.

He glanced up at me from behind the desk as he was looking over some papers. He nodded to the empty seat in front of him and I silently sat down. My body was tense, but I hopefully held a neutral expression as I met his gaze.

“You’ve caused quite the stir around here,” He sighed, putting down the papers and leaning back in his seat, “The team seems to like you.”

I placed my hands in my lap, “They have good taste.”

His expression didn’t change and neither did mine as he scanned me. His eyes lingered on my hands.

“I see you’re not wearing the gloves anymore.”

“My fashion sense has changed.”

The room was tense. It was like we were waiting to see who would break first. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his desk. I stared at him expectantly.

“Heard you want to become an Avenger,” He said, his voice growing slightly deeper as his eyes stared hard into mine.

I nodded, “I want to go on missions.”

“Why?”

The corner of my mouth pulled up. I didn’t know where the urge to test him was coming from. I felt the need to push him, which completely contradicted the goal I had in mind for this meeting. The shift in Bucky and I’s relationship had added an unexpected amount of stress in my mind.

“Heard there was a pretty good dental plan,” I inwardly chastised myself as I saw his eyes darkened and added, “I’m tired of sitting around doing nothing and I don’t want an office job or, god forbid, to work under Tony. I have abilities that can help in the field.”

His eyes narrowed a fraction, “Oh, I’m familiar with your abilities by now. At times, it seems that they control you, rather than the other way around.”

I took a deep breath in, “The only time I didn’t feel in control was when I healed Bucky. And even then I believe my subconscious was guiding me.”

He clicked his tongue, “What about when you were killing hundreds of innocent civilians at a time? We all watched the footage.”

I felt his eyes watch my face for a reaction. I swallowed as foggy memories of chaos and screaming drifted to the forefront of my mind. _What else did they see?_ My jaw tightened as I remembered the night of the attack on the tower, when Sam had looked truly frightened at the sight of me.

“Did you enjoy it?” His voice brought me back into the small office we were sitting in and I hoped my expression didn’t betray me.

I slowly shook my head, “The memories aren’t crystal clear. I remember feeling hollow most of the time,” I paused, debating how much I wanted to reveal, “When I was ordered to kill…I remember feeling angry.”

“Angry at what?”

Guilt streaked into my emotions, making my insides itch. The room started to feel colder and smaller. I rolled my shoulders back, hoping maintain a hopefully confident posture.

“I was selfish,” I met his eyes, “I couldn’t handle what I was doing to those people. I already had enough bad memories. So I convinced myself to hate them.”

I cleared my throat and continued, “I told myself that it was unfair that they had homes, families, friends. And it was unfair that they got to die when I had to live through hell. So, yes. I didn’t enjoy killing them at times, but not because they were innocent civilians. It was because I couldn’t hurt the people who hurt me, so I shifted the blame onto them. All so I could rationalize it in my mind.”

The words had tumbled out of my mouth surprisingly easily, denoting their truthfulness. The guilt that I was trying so hard to avoid in the past was now weighing on my shoulders. I never showed it, not even to Bucky, but the actions I made in the past were always pulling at me. I always pushed back the memories and their fogginess helped me lock them away.

He stared at me as I prepared for the next questions. Something flickered in his eye, perhaps recognition. It was quickly gone as he pushed his chair away and stood up. He walked a few steps and stood in front of a large window, his eyes following the traffic down below.

“Why should I trust you?” He asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

I shifted in my chair slightly as his attention was elsewhere, “Let’s see, I’ve risked my life more than once for members of the team, killed a Hydra leader, and have manage to not attack Tony even though I have my gloves off. I’ve answered any questions that were asked and I’ve divulged more about my past and abilities during my time here than I have in my whole life.”

I couldn’t help the small huff that escaped me, “Do I need to save the world too?”

A small amount of amusement pulled the corner of his lips up as he looked back at me. He turned his body to face me.

“Are you willing to risk your life for, and serve, this organization?”

I breathed out a laugh through my nose, “Hell no.”

His mouth fell into a scowl and he arched an eyebrow up before I continued. I stood up, crossing my arms over my chest.

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned,” I walked over to him to stand in front of him as he eyed me warily, “Organizations aren’t worth serving or risking your life over.”

My gaze softened slightly, “But people are. I’ve had many rights stripped from me, including the right to die peacefully from natural causes. I’m willing to protect that right for others, especially the team. I’ve done a lot of evil, horrible things in my time, but now that I have the chance to do some good,… I’d like to take it.”

He scanned my face, seemingly considering my words. He then looked back out through the window.

“Rogers will continue to train you, as well as others. They’ll send me reports of your progress. Once you improve enough,” He glanced at me, “I’m sure I can find a mission that could use your abilities.”

I tamed my large smile, displaying only a small smirk as my heart soared. It felt like the start of a new life, a new dynamic. I would be going on missions and finally earning my keep around here.

“Thank you,” I heard my voice say.

“Now get out of my office.”

I snorted and happily walked out of the room.

…

I walked into the gym, finding Steve, Nat, and Sam all working out separately. Steve glanced back at me from the punching bag before quickly walking over to me. Nat watched from the treadmill.

“Sooo?” He raised both of his eyebrows at me while taking a drink of water.

“He said yes, with more training,” I smiled and was immediately swept into his arms in a bear hug. I laughed into his sweaty shirt, wiggling until he let go.

“That’s great,” He beamed, “And I’d say you’re almost ready.”

“Ready for what?” Sam called out, taking out his headphones.

“She’s gonna join the team,” Nat responded, turning to smile at me.

“Aye, Babygirl’s gonna kick some ass!” Sam pumped his fist into the air.

“You wanna start training now?” Steve asked, “We can do it in here now that it’s not a secret.”

I knew I should be happy. In fact, I should be incredibly excited or maybe even a little nervous. But as much as I wanted to, I struggled to bring those emotions up inside of me. I played off my inner struggles with a causal smile.

“Nah, I need to go tell Bucky the good news.”

The sound of his name, even coming from my voice, sent a pang through my heart. Steve, thankfully, couldn’t see past my exterior. I tried to avoid Nat’s gaze as I walked away. One look was all it took for her to read my mind, it seemed. I padded away, making it to the empty kitchen before I asked Friday were he was. She informed he that he was in his room, a place where he was spending more and more time. I took the elevator up and soon found myself outside of his door.

I breathed in and out a few times, relishing in the vague wisps of his scent emanating from underneath the door. I closed my eyes and softly rapped my knuckles against it. I froze, tilting my head slightly to listen for movement on the other side. When I heard muffled footsteps thudding to the door, I stepped back. He opened it and leaned against the doorframe, pulling on a smile for me.

“Hey Doll,” He crossed his arms.

“Fury is gonna let me go on missions once I get through more training,” The words spilled out of my mouth and his smile remained but his eyes darkened.

He slowly nodded, “Well, good. That’s what you and Steve were working towards.”

I took a good look at his expression. He didn’t look like the Bucky I knew. Every since the night he accidentally hurt me, things had changed. He still talked to me, just slightly different, like he was trying to put space between us. He did that physically as well. That hollow feeling returned. I tried to talk to him about it, but he either deflected or made an excuse to leave the conversation. The look in his eyes told me he was hurting and I wanted nothing more than to ease his pain.

But I don’t think I could take this kind of pain, emotional pain, from him, not like I took his wounds. I wasn’t good at handling or understanding my own emotions most of the time. I had no idea how to fix this.

“I was about to head down to the library,” I tried, looking up at him and mirroring his smile, “Do you want to go with?”

His smile flickered, “Ah, I’m doing some reorganizing in here. Maybe later?”

I heard myself agree before I was once again looking at a closed door. My heart felt like it fell to the floor. I quickly walked away, not quite sure where I was going. I didn’t want to go to the library to look at his empty seat. At the very end of the hall, there was a door that lead out to a small balcony. I pushed it out and was greeted by a gush of cool air. The sun was slowly starting to set.

I sat down on the bench and looked over the skyline of the city. I scoffed, pulling my knees up to my chest. I had been given a safe home, friends who I considered family, and soon, a job that might help cancel out the bad I’ve done. And yet I still wanted more. The Lamb inside of me had become stronger and, with it, my emotions were much more prevalent.

A bird landed on the balcony’s railing and glanced over at me with beady black eyes. I sighed, watching it hop along the railing. After a moment, it flew away, diving through the air until I lost sight of it. Another slight gust of wind brushed through my hair. The city air was certainly different than mountain air, but it was still nice.

I don’t know how long I sat there for, the sun had long disappeared and the balcony automatically lit up with dim lights. I jumped slightly at the door being opened, knowing it was Steve before he stepped out. As the door closed behind him, he took a seat next to me.

“Friday said you were out here,” He said looking at me as I looked over the city.

I nodded, “She and Nat know everything.”

He gave a small smile when I looked over at him, “Why were you looking for me?”

“Are you alright?” He asked in a softer voice, placing a hand on my shoulder.

For a moment I was stunned by the sincerity in his voice, but I quickly pulled myself together.

I nodded, looking back to the skyline, “Of course.”

He sighed, removing his hand and draping it over my shoulder, “It’s okay if you aren’t. Bucky…he’s just trying to protect you. I mean, he’s an idiot, but in his mind, that’s what he’s doing. You just need to talk to him. I worry about you…both of you.”

I scoffed, still refusing to look at him, “You don’t need to worry about me. Steve, I’ve been through hell and back too many times to count. I can handle much more than you think.”

Before I spoke, I had hoped to come off confident and unbothered, but it ended up sounding like I was trying to convince myself more than him. I sighed, resting my forehead on my knees.

“I know you’re tough,” He spoke gently, “But in reality, both of you are scared. I’m not an expert when it comes to relationships, but I can see that you’re good for him and he’s good for you. I don’t want either of you to hold yourselves back, because of some bullshit reason.”

Normally, my mind would automatically think of a dig or tease towards him, but I was distracted. I breathed in his scent. It wasn’t as comforting as Bucky’s is, but it still served to relax my state of mind, if only a little.

After a moment of comfortable silent, I spoke up, “I saw a picture of you before the serum the other day.”

He chuckled, a sound that made me smirk, “Oh yeah? What’d you think?”

“Tony showed me, thinking I would make a few inappropriate and hilarious comments.”

“Did you?” He looked over at me and I turned my head to face him.

“Of course I did. Have you met me?” I rolled my eyes at him as he laughed.

“Do you remember how it felt? Before the serum?” I asked in a softer voice.

He squinted his eyes and scrunched up his face slightly while running a hand through his hair.

“Frustrating,” He settled on, “My body was sickly, always on the verge of giving up. It was always working against me.”

I nodded in understanding, there had been a few times I had thought my body was finally going to give up. That I would shut my eyes for the last time. Of course, it was never the case.

I hummed, “And your mind was the opposite. You were strong-willed, determined, ready and willing to fight for what you believed in.”

He grinned. With his blue eyes shining, he placed a hand over his heart, “Aw, did you just compliment me?”

I flicked my eyes upwards and continued, “Sometimes I feel like that, but the opposite. Like my body will never give up, it’ll remain strong and determined. But my mind…my mind feels broken, wasting away.”

“I can close wounds, mend bones, replace blood and skin, I can even regenerate lost limbs. It takes a hell of a long time though,” I paused and shook my head, “But anyways, I can do all that, but when it comes to emotional pain, I feel helpless.”

“We’ve all had our fair share of emotional pain,” He pulled my closer against his side, “But letting people in, people you trust, helps. You don’t have to go through life alone anymore.”

Moments after his last sentence, tears started to creep down my face. I wiped them away hastily, but more replaced them. It was all so jumbled in my mind, I felt like I was drowning. A sob escaped me with Steve enveloped me in his arms and I instinctively clung to him like he was a buoy. After a few more sobs, I managed to reel myself back in, pulling away from him. It felt good to let go, even if for a few moments.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” I muttered and stood up.

I made my way to the door before looking back at him still sitting on the bench, “And Steve?” He looked over at me, meeting my eyes, “Thanks.”

…

I had tried to sleep, I truly had. I threw on my favorite, super soft oversized t-shirt over silky smooth red panties. I even rubbed lotion on my legs and arms that smelled like coconuts and lavender. I counted sheep and recited old nursery rhymes, but nothing could stop my body from turning and twisting, a comfortable position constantly evading me. _Fuck it._

My legs felt a bit wobbly as I stood in front of his door in the dimly lit hallway, my confidence already waning. I took a silent deep breath and squared my shoulders back, trying to think of what Nat would do in this situation. I knocked three times firmly. A few moments passed and an unexpected anger started rising in me. Without hearing any noise on the other side, I knocked again. Finally, I heard footsteps. A string of curses entered my thoughts as unwanted tears welled up in my eyes causing me to blink them rapidly away. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

The door opened and he stood there shirtless and in grey sweats. His hair looked tousled and his slightly unfocused eyes told me that I had woken him. To be fair, it was early in the morning by now. His blue eyes settled onto mine in a concerned expression.

“Hey, Doll. What’s-“

I quickly pushed past him into his room. It was set up similar to mine, except smaller. The windows all had black curtains over them and he had a desk pushed up against one wall. As I entered, I was immediately surrounded by his scent. I noticed my drawings in frames hung up on the wall and I stood, not knowing what else to do, with my arms crossed staring at them. He had shut the door and walked over to me.

“I, uh, I guess we do need to talk,” He admitted, pulling on a shirt.

We did. But I had no idea how to start, what to say, what to do. I couldn’t bring myself to look at me, so I focused on my drawings instead.

“Steve says you’re trying to protect me,” I heard my voice say.

He sighed and I watched him sit down on the edge of his bed in my peripheral.

“I just don’t want to hurt you again,” His voice was low, “I can’t.”

The anger bubbling inside of me suddenly overtook my uncertainty. I grit my teeth to prevent the words coming out. It was too much. There were too many thoughts, emotions, crammed inside of me.

“You deserve-“ The sadness laced in his voice was the final straw.

“How fucking dare you,” As the first syllable left my tongue, hot tears started rolling down my face. I turned to him as he stared at me surprised and dejected.

“Through my entire life, people have been telling me what I deserve,” My tone was surprisingly even, but I couldn’t help the emotion dripping off my words, “And you know what I learned? They’re all fucking wrong. So don’t tell me what you think I deserve.”

I pressed on, stalking closer to him, “You know what else I learned? I’d rather be burned alive than to have my heart thrown away by the first person I’ve opened up to since Gran. Don’t give me some bullshit about you being a bad person or a monster, cause I know you’ve seen me do worse,” He winced slightly when I brought up the footage, “You think you’re the only one afraid here?”

I knelt on the floor in between his legs, my anger slowly ebbing away. I brushed a hand over his metal arm, thankful when he didn’t pull away. I gently took his chin and made him look at me.

“I’m terrified that I’ll mess this up, that I’ll hurt you. But I’ve been afraid for too long, Darling. I can’t let it push me away from the person who showed me just how powerful happiness can be.”

I stared at him, trying to read his expression. It remained the same – sadness, dejection, guilt – save for a flicker of relief flashing through his eyes. He reached out with his flesh hand, absentmindedly wiping the tears from my face and I leaned into his touch, placing a kiss against his palm.

“Doll…” He started, but seemingly lost the words. I could see the hesitation in his eyes and I understood it, but I couldn’t let this slip away.

“I meant it when I said I was yours,” I all but whispered, my eyes pleading his, “Are you still mine?”

The seconds that passed seemed like hours as he stared at me, seemingly searching for any reluctance. His lip pulled upwards into a soft grin and I released a breath I didn’t know I had been holding.

“Of course, Doll,” He gently picked me up and placed me on his lap. I instinctively nuzzled into him as he wrapped his arms around me. All the stress that was constantly winded in my body slowly fizzled out as I closed my eyes, humming against his neck.

“I’m sorry,” He tightened his grip on me, “You came crashing into my life and everything with you felt so good, so right. Things just seemed too good to be true and after that night…I couldn’t stop thinking of those bruises, how I hurt you…”

I sighed, rubbing his back. As giddy as I was feeling being back in his arms, I couldn’t stop myself from saying, “It was kinda hot though.”

Bucky tensed and laughed, shaking his head as my cheeks heated up slightly. I was suddenly very aware at my position on his lap. With a small smirk, I leaned up and traced my tongue over the shell of his ear before nibbling on his ear lobe. He breathed out a groan, his flesh hand roaming over my bare leg, leaving goosebumps.

“What do you think you’re doing, Doll?” His voice was deeper than usual and added to the growing pool of wetness between my legs.

“Nnnnnnnothing,” I replied coyly, smoothing my hand over his clothed chest and placing wet kisses underneath his jaw.

His breathing quickened slightly, his hand now slipping under the hem of my shirt. He let out another groan when he noticed I wasn’t wearing any shorts on underneath. I moaned into his ear as his fingers traced up the wet material of my panties. I could feel him hardening under me.

“Fuck, you’re already soaked,” He grunted as I sucked his neck.

I pushed myself away from him, standing up. He stared at me, pupils large, as I pulled the shirt over my head. He licked his lips, his eyes locked onto my bare breasts. He immediately reached for him, pulling him back onto his lap, now straddling him.

“You sure, Doll?” He muttered out, his palms placed flat onto the bed behind him as if he was restraining himself.

I looked at him and nodded before biting my lip, “You think you can tame me, James?”

My voice was innocent, but my actions were not as I rolled my hips against him, causing him to hiss out a groan. His eyes shifted, darkening with lust. His hands flew to my hips automatically before he slide his flesh hand behind my neck, pulling me against his lips. When he drug his tongue against my lips, I responded by taking his lower lip between my teeth, biting it. He grunted, lowering his hand to my chest and rolling my hardened nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

I whimpered, rolling my hips against his with more pressure. I could feel the outline of his cock and it send a shiver down my spine. The friction against my clothed clit made my head lull back. He smirked and took the opportunity to bite and suck down my neck before circling his tongue around my reddened nipple. My fingers threaded through his hair as a moan escaped me.

“God, you sound sexy,” He groaned out as his metal hand kneaded the flesh of my ass, rocking me harder against him.

His mouth popped off one nipple as he moved to the other.

“James,” I breathed out and it seemed to snap something inside of him.

He tossed me against the pillows onto my back, immediately hovering over me, his lips claiming my mouth again. My legs wrapped around his waist, but after a moment, he pulled back. He stared into my eyes with pure desire as he quickly stripped his shirt off. My eyes trailed down his well-defined abs and the deep-V that lead to his crotch. He snatched my panties off of me, throwing them over his shoulder and groaned at the sight of my dripping pussy.

“Fuck,” He breathed out, lowering his face towards my entrance, “This all for me, Doll?”

Through the haze of my arousal, I still managed to pull on a smirk, “Maybe.”

The look he gave me made my smirk drop and my pussy clench.

“Oh really?” His voice had gotten even deeper.

He probed a finger through my folds, swirling it around my entrance. I gasped and whined as I tried to buck my hips, but he held them down with the other hand. He lowered his lips so close, I jumped when I felt his hot breath against my clit.

“You wanna change your answer, Doll?” He smirked as he watched me wiggling.

_Damn him._ “It’s for you,” I all but whined. My strong, independent side could chastise me later, but for now all I could think of was to get him inside me.

I yelped out when his finger suddenly plunged inside of me with a wet squelch at the same time his mouth latched onto my clit. I panted, arching my back off of the bed as a coil inside of me began to form. My wet walls shuddered around his finger and he groaned, rutting into the mattress.

“God, you’re so tight,” He grunted, “You taste so good, Doll.”

He swiped his tongue left and right over my clit, causing me to cry out and tug his hair. He steadily worked another finger into me, curling them both upwards.

“Fuck,” I hissed as he sucked on my clit, my hips desperately trying to move and grind against him.

“You gonna cum on my fingers? God, gonna feel so good on my cock,” He muttered in between assaults on my clit, picking up the pace of his fingers, “Let me feel you cum, Doll.”

The sound of his deep voice went straight to my core.

“Fuck, James,” I spat out, feeling the coil inside me wind up impossibly tight, “J-James!”

I threw my head back as the coil snapped, causing my wet walls to clamp down onto his fingers, pulsing around them. My eyes rolled back as a gush of wetness coated his fingers. I was vaguely aware of the wanton moan that left my lips and the low groan that left his. I moaned again as my eyes opened and he looked up, I could see his chin glistening. I clumsily, grabbed at him, hauling his lips up to meet mine. I tasted myself on him and it sparked up my need again.

“I wanna cum on your cock,” I husked, my tongue dancing with his and he growled in response.

I pushed him down onto his back and hastily, but carefully, ripped his sweats and boxers off of him with my claws. His painfully erect cock bounced up against his chest, precum on the tip. His lust-filled eyes widened before he smirked.

“Impatient?”

I straddled him, aiming to wipe that smirk off his face as I slowly ground up and down against his length, coating him with my slick. He grabbed my hips and hissed, his hips bucking up slightly.

“Would you rather me wait?” I replied, flicking my tongue across my lips.

He breathed out a moan as I reached down and circled a finger over his tip, gathering some precum before licking it off my finger.

“Fuck, no.”

I raised myself up, his hands still guiding my hips and lined his tip up at my entrance. My walls tightened in anticipation and I struggled to remain relaxed. I looked at him as I slowly slid down, his gaze was locked onto where his cock was disappearing inside of me. His mouth hung open as he stretched me, his grip on my hips getting tighter. Soon, I felt my barrier stopping him. There were a few perks to being what Tony called a “perpetual virgin”. I breathed in and slammed myself down, feeling that barrier breaking and him deep inside of me.

“Shhh-FUck,” He yelled out, his eyes fluttering back as he held my hips firmly.

He panted, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before meeting mine.

“You okay?” I asked, trying to hide my smile.

“You so fucking tight,” He grunted out, “Warn me next time, I almost came right then.”

His grip let up on my hips and I took that as a sign to move. He sat up and captured my mouth in hot, wet kisses as I ground into him. I moaned into his mouth as I moved up and down on his cock. He pressed his mouth into my neck as I rode him quicker and harder. We were both covered in sweat and my sensitive nipples rubbed against his bare chest. He sucked the spot on my neck that made me whimper his name and suddenly, I felt his teeth graze against it. I clenched around him.

“Mmm, you like my teeth on you?” His voice vibrated against my neck before he bit down harder.

My body jolted in response, clenching around him again. One hand left my hips and travelled to where we were joined. A high pitched moan escaped me when I felt his thumb circling my clit as he nibbled on my neck again.

“James,” I squeaked out.

He began thrusting up into me, his tip repeatedly hitting the spot that made me see stars. I hissed out his name again, apparently forgetting all other words.

“Gonna cum on my cock, Doll? Fuck, you feel so good.”

His words sent me over the end, my entire body going rigid and a scream passed through my lips at the amount of pleasure. It was almost too much, it overflowed all of my senses and thoughts. He grunted and hissed at the feeling of my pussy trying to milk his cock dry. It didn’t feel like I was ever going to come down as my orgasm went on longer than it ever had before.

I stilled in his lap, panting and looking at him with hooded eyes. He placed a kiss to my lips before moving me off of him.

“Hands and knees, Doll,” He husked out and I complied, still coming down from my high.

I moaned as he slid back in from behind me, pushing back to meet him. After a few lazy thrusts, he stilled inside of me.

“You like my cock in your tight pussy?”

I moaned, trying to move my hips, but he had a firm hold on them. I felt a smack against my ass cheek and an unexpected gush of wetness dripped out around him.

“Answer, Doll,” He said while rubbing and kneading the flesh of my ass.

“Yes, James. It feels so good,” I panted.

With that, he thrust into me so hard my arms gave out underneath me and a strangled moan/scream left my lips. He set a punishing pace, pulling out and slamming back in so fast that sounds I didn’t know I was capable of making spewed from my lips.

“Mine,” He grunted out, shifting to a new angle, “So fucking perfect.”

He grabbed my hair, pulling me up so my back pressed against his chest as he still continued to pound into me. One hand was still on my hip and the other was now across my chest, palming and gripping my boob.

“H-harder,” I managed to groan out and he grunted, bouncing my entire body as he thrust into me. I cried out when his metal hand left my hip and frantically rubbed my swollen clit.

“Oh fuck,” He panted out, “I gonna-Ah, fuck. Cum. Cum Now.”

I threw my head back against him, my body seemingly following his orders. My orgasm hit me hard as my body seized up, wetness gushing over his cock as I throbbed hard around him. My vision grew hazy.

“FUcK. Oh god, yes. Yes, Ahh,” He spouted out as he buried his cock deep inside me, ropes of cum painting my wet walls. The sensation prolonged my own release, milking him.

He laid me down on the bed as his softening cock started to slip out of me. He laid beside me and we both shared the same blissed out expression. After a few moments of panting, he leaned over and kissed my forehead before kissing my lips. I smiled at him when he pulled away and he gave me his signature cocky grin. _Eh, I guess he’s earned it this time._


	13. The Secret of the Beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knew Tony could talk without sarcasm...well, at least not as much as usual. No warnings this time! Look at me being slightly family-friendly. (Just kidding, please don't show your children this). Hope you enjoy!

\--3rd Person POV—

Steve stood leaning over the desk, staring at the file that contained the examination report of the bomb fragment from the diner. Something about the whole affair didn’t sit quite right with him. The results showed that the bomb was crafted by hand, unlike anything they had seen from Hydra before. It was obvious that the targets were Kira and Bucky. Surveillance footage showed a person wearing a dark hoodie entering the diner from the back, placing the bomb down, and leaving without being seen. Steve was now focused on a printed frame from the footage, showing the figure with their head down.

“No matter how much you stare, new information is not going to appear,” Nat’s voice caused him to look up at her standing in the doorway.

Steve let out a frustrated sigh, “I just…it bugs me, you know? The first time Kira leaves the tower, this happens. It’s like someone was waiting for it.”

Natasha crossed her arms and hummed in agreement, “Maybe word got out about her. Hydra can’t be the only organization who wants her.”

Steve inwardly cringed, glancing back down to the file.

“So you don’t think it’s Hydra either,” He muttered and added, “I already asked Tony. He said all the information we have on her is secure and there had been no attempts to hack into the database.”

She tilted her head, “We aren’t the only ones with information on her.”

Steve grew quiet. He momentarily contemplated that Hydra may have put out a bounty of some sorts on her. He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind as Hydra was too proud and they probably still want her back, alive. But Hydra’s information may not be as secure as theirs. There was a chance that someone could’ve stole her file from them. He sighed as his mind was racing once again, trying desperately to pull together the puzzle that sat before him.

“Hey,” Nat said softly, causing his attention to once again go to her, “We’ll figure this out. And in the meantime, she’s here. Safe with us,” She gave him a small smile.

“Yeah,” Steve breathed out, “She is.”

\--Kira POV—

My body stirred underneath the silky sheets. I let out a sigh as I instinctively reached out to the side of me. My eyes fluttered open when I felt nothing. I pushed myself up, groggily searching for him, when I heard the bathroom door open. He stood there, hair damp, droplets still on his chest, and wearing a fluffy towel around his waist. Our eyes met and I gave him a smile before collapsing back onto the bed.

“Morning, Doll,” His honeyed voice made my smile grow involuntarily as he made his way over to my side of the bed.

I flipped onto my back to look at him as he sat on the edge of the bed, a cheesy grin on his face.

“It’s too early,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

His response was to lean down and press his lips against mine, which I happily accepted. He hummed as he pulled back.

“Actually, it’s noon.”

My eyes widened, “Noon?!”

He laughed at my reaction and I playfully shoved him away. I climbed out of bed, heading for the bathroom. I smirked as I felt his eyes roaming my still-naked body.

“Too bad you already took a shower,” I turned at the doorframe to face him, “If you waited for me, I could’ve joined you.”

And with that, I closed the bathroom door shut. As I reached the shower to turn the water on, he opened the door again and looked at me with his hands gripping the towel at his waist.

“You know,” He said leaning on the doorframe with a cocky smirk, “I can think of a few ways to get dirty again. Then I can join you.”

I snorted, stepping in the shower, “I’d like to leave the room before Steve sends out a rescue team for us.”

I could see his pout from through the frosted shower door and chuckled. He finally shut the door again and I happily used his shower gels, washing the sweat and other bodily fluids off of me. I stepped back into the room with a towel wrapped around me. I found a pile of my clothes folded neatly on the bed with a note on top.

_Went into your room and got you some clothes. By the way, you have more clothes than a shopping mall. I’m heading to the kitchen to make us some food. – Bucky_

I attempted to wipe off the stupid smile the note automatically put on my face. I looked at the lacy, soft pink panties and bra set he picked out and rolled my eyes, snickering to myself. I pulled them on as well as the black leggings he picked out. I held the shirt in my hands for a moment before tossing it to the side and invading his closet. I settled on the faded, blue Coney Island t-shirt that was a gift from Steve, I think, and I had seen him wear it a few times.

I brushed through my hair with his comb with minor difficulties and, after searching for a bit, I found an unused toothbrush still in the package to use. I was thankful that toothbrushes came in pairs most of the time. I walked out of the door without much thought until I heard a whistle come from behind me as I approached the elevator. I turned around to see Nat, looking extremely smug.

“Well good morning to you too,” I replied as the elevator doors open.

She followed me inside, “Damn. Must have had a fun time last night if you think it’s still morning.”

I laughed. I had forgotten that it was already past noon. She chuckled with me.

“It was…amazing,” I confided in her, “And not just the sex. I.. I dunno, I feel like I’ve found something I didn’t even know I was searching for,” I shrugged.

She turned to me with an eyebrow raised, “One night and he’s already turned you into a sappy romantic?”

I snorted, rolling my eyes, “Yes. In fact, he pumped sappy romance inside of me.”

She made a face but laughed, “Okay, I don’t need – “

“It was sooooooo much sappy romance. I was ooooverfilled,” I continued on, leaning against the elevator wall with a dramatically dreamy expression, “And when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, he – “

“Alright! Jesus,” She covered her ears with her hands, scrunching her nose, “I take it back. You’re not a sappy romantic. Now please, stop talking about – “

The elevator doors dinged open.

“ – what he filled you with.”

There was a split second of silence before both her and I cracked up at the mortified look on Clint’s face on the other side of the opened doors as he stood in the hallway.

“What – you know what, I don’t want to know,” He declared as we all walked towards the kitchen.

We were greeted by Steve and Bucky behind the counter. Bucky was flipping pancakes on the stove and Steve was leaning against the fridge, talking to him. They both turned in our direction when we walked in. The corner of Bucky’s mouth instantly went up as his eyes flickered to the shirt I was wearing, looking at me with an arched eyebrow. Steve noticed the shirt too, but automatically diverted his gaze, scratching under his chin. I took a seat on one of the barstools.

“So I take it, you guys worked things out?” Steve asked, and his regret for his choice of words fell over his face.

_Nah, too easy._ “Yep,” I hummed.

“No further comment?” Clint mused, “Are you still the same person?”

Nat rolled her eyes and chimed in, “Trust me. She is. I made that mistake in the elevator.”

Bucky gave me a quizzical look to which I smiled sweetly, causing him to smirk. He set down a plate full of syrup covered pancakes before me and I licked my lips.

“Thank you,” I said, digging my fork into them, “I’ll have to cook for you guys soon.”

Steve looked at me skeptically, “You can cook?”

I nodded through a mouthful before swallowing, “I got some recipes from Gran. Some I came up with during the timespan I escaped from Hydra the first time.”

Bucky sat his plate down before sitting beside me, my body automatically leaned against him slightly. I sensed Steve watching us, probably trying to hide that goofy smile of his. Nat walked behind the counter, fiddling with the elaborate coffee maker. I perked up.

“Can you show me how to make an espresso?” I asked her hopefully.

“No,” Steve responded before she could.

I narrowed my eyes at him but dropped the subject in favor of waiting for a time when he wasn’t around to ask again. Nat sent me a mischievous smirk, as if she could read my mind. I shoved the last bite of my pancakes into my mouth. As I swallowed, I catch a set of familiar scents approaching from the hallway. Thor and Loki emerged, arguing quietly about something. They had to go back to Asgard during the period of time I was knocked out. Thor smiled brightly when he saw me.

“Lady Kira!” He approached the island, “I’m glad to see you awake and well.”

“She gives hugs now,” Clint chimed in and I could sense the evil smirk on his face without even looking at him.

Thor’s smile widened as he took a few large steps forward to reach me. I sighed and held out my arms hesitantly.

“Oof,” The breath in my lungs was suddenly pushed out of my mouth when he wrapped his arms around me, pinning my arms to my sides and picking me up from my seat.

I made eye contact with Clint, who looked very pleased with himself, and shot him a glare as the god was slowly squeezing the life out of me. I suddenly noticed a metal hand on Thor’s shoulder. Bucky must have given him some sort of look, because he released me, my feet hitting the floor. I took a deep breath in but smiled lightly when I saw the happiness on Thor’s face as he looked down at me.

I tilted my body to look at Loki behind him, “Are you going to break my spine too?”

He rolled his eyes and lightly shoved Thor out of the way. He feigned a look of annoyance as he hugged me. Thor’s hug was like being caught in a vice, but Loki’s arms were feather-light against me, almost as if he was afraid to break me. During our reunion, Steve was actively trying to convince Bucky to come spar with him. As I pulled back from Loki, I gave him a reassuring look and he finally relented, placing a kiss on my cheek before following Steve towards the gym as Nat followed.

“I knew you had magic,” Loki smirked down at me and I huffed.

“Did you come all the way here to gloat?” I crossed my arms, challenging him with my eyes.

“We required the witch’s assistance with an Asgardian matter,” Thor interrupted, a smile still on his face as he idly swung his hammer by the strap.

I furrowed my brows, “The witch?”

“Wanda,” Clint clarified, glancing up from his phone.

I tensed as the memory of her scream echoed in my mind. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Loki’s mouth dip into a frown at my reaction. _What if she looks into my mind again?_ I wasn’t quite sure what happened last time, but I’m almost positive the Beast had something to do with it. But the Beast was somewhat tamed now, right? I grimaced inwardly as the Beast seemingly reacted to either my thoughts or the memories of her. It didn’t trust her. _Do I trust her?_

I was so focused on my thoughts; I barely registered the vaguely familiar scent seeping into the room. The others had seen footage, proof of what I have done and who I was. But they couldn’t have seen it all. There were things that Hydra was smart enough not to catch on film. I was spiraling, a part of me knew that, but anxiety tumbled over me in cascading waves. I felt a light hand on my shoulder. Looking up, I was met with Loki’s concerned expression.

My eyes instinctively roamed over to where the new scent was and, to my surprise, I found Thor talking quietly with Wanda. I sucked in air sharply through my nose and quickly muttered an excuse before basically running out of the room. I heard a few voices call out for me, but I threw the door to the stairs open. I paused as the door shut closed behind me. Seemingly on autopilot, I found my feet taking me to the lab floor.

When I entered the floor, I was expecting to detect Bruce’s scent. When I couldn’t find it, I followed Tony’s scent to a room at the far end of the hall. As I approached, I saw him hunched over a workbench, fiddling with metal parts and a soldering gun. I knocked on the clear door, which he glanced up at. His eyebrows went up when he saw me, but he said something, his voice completely muted, and the door clicked. I pushed it open and winced as classic rock music unexpectedly filled my ears.

“Friday, turn the music off,” His voice was muffled but silence suddenly fell over the room. I took a seat on a stool, wondering why I was here.

“What can I do for you, Fido?” He stared at me, soldering gun still in his hand.

I paused, my mind listing through a myriad of lies and excuses. I sighed.

“I’m hiding from Wanda,” I admitted, “The last time I saw her, I hurt her. And I don’t really want her to look into my mind again,” I mumbled that last part.

Tony put down what he was working on and walked over to stand next to me, leaning on his work space. He was sweaty and his eyes were bloodshot. I wondered how long he had been working for.

“Yeah. Sorry about that,” He frowned, “When you first got here, you kinda threw us for a loop.”

I nodded in understanding, “Yeah, I’m pretty fucking weird.”

He cracked a smile at that. Suddenly he perked up, looking at me.

“You know, if you’re going to be a part of the team, you’re gonna need a suit AND a name.”

I arched an eyebrow, “A name?”

“Yeah, you know,” He waved his hand in a circle, “Ironman, Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye. A superhero name.”

I shook my head, “Why can’t I just be Kira?”

He scoffed, “Cause that’s lame.”

I rolled my eyes, “I’ll think about it. How long have you been working down here?”

He looked away and shrugged, “I dunno. 10, 12 hours. So about your suit, how do you feel about black and white? I mean, you got the whole yin-yang thing going on in your head.”

He moved to walk back to his workstation, but I reached out, gripping his wrist. He looked back at me. I saw the mask he put on and concern washed over me.

“What’s wrong?” My voice was lighter and warmer than normal and, for some reason, I knew it was to help put him at ease.

He tried to look elsewhere, thinking of something sarcastic to say. His mask fell slightly, allowing a tiredness to seep over his expression.

“Pepper and I had a fight,” He said, slowly releasing a breath, “It’s fine. It was my fault as per usual. I haven’t made a lot of time for her recently, something about me being a workaholic,” He rolled his eyes, “I just…don’t think I deserve her sometimes and I push her away. Probably some sort of psychology bullshit in there. And – I don’t know why I’m telling you this.”

His slightly bewildered eyes met mine as he seemingly suddenly realized what he had said. He looked at me warily, moving his wrist from my grasp. _Did I make him tell me that?_ I was slightly shocked as well.

“Was that…did you?” He muttered, “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like you, but we’re more at the ‘I trust you not to rip my face off’ level, not the ‘I trust you with my deepest concerns and secrets’ level.”

I shook my head, “I don’t know. I – I didn’t mean to do anything. I just…” My voice faltered as my mind just now registered his words, “What do you mean you don’t deserve her?”

He opened his mouth, but I carried on, “I mean, yeah, you’re a bit of an asshole and you have that whole narcissism thing going on, but I’ve been around bad people long enough to recognize a good person when I see one. Bad people aren’t worried if they deserve someone or not.”

“You try so hard to seem like you don’t care,” The words were spilling out of my mouth at this point and he listened to me with a slightly surprised expression, “But you do. Hell, you might care deeper than most of us. But you cover it up, you hide it. I know this because I can recognize it in you. I’ve done the same. When people think you don’t care, it’s harder to disappoint them when you screw things up.”

I paused and he took the opportunity to respond, “I’m too good at screwing things up,” He grimaced and shifted uncomfortably, “I’m just waiting for it to happen with her.”

I chuckled lightly, “I know what it feels like to feel unworthy of the good things around you. But Tony, the mindset of waiting for something to go wrong will only bring it into reality. If you really are pushing her away, you’re already in the process. You’re the only one who can change it. Spend more time with her, talk to her. Cherish your good thing.”

He stared at me for a long while, his mouth opening then closing a few times. For a moment, I thought I broke him. I didn’t really know where all those words came from, I certainly didn’t think before I spoke. He wordlessly walked back to his work space and I didn’t move to stop him this time. I sighed, wondering if I overstepped some sort of boundary. I didn’t regret my words though. I hopped off of the stool just as he spoke.

“Mythic,” He announced and my suspicion that I broke him deepened.

“What?”

“Your superhero name,” He smirked, “The Jekyll and Hyde in your head are supposed to be mythical beings, right? Sounds mysterious too.”

I snorted and continued my walk towards the door, “Sure, why not?”

“And Kira?” His voice once again stopped me. I placed a hand on the door frame and looked back to him, “Thanks…for the weird therapy magic. And you are worthy…just so you know.”

His eyes softened as he spoke and I gave him a light smile, nodding to him before making my way to the elevator.

…

I sighed, frustrated. I was sitting cross-legged on the gym mats across from Steve who mimicked my pose, so close our knees were touching.

“It won’t work,” I grumbled, staring at the small cut on his forearm.

“Come on, Doll,” Bucky said as he lifted weights beside us, “Just keep practicing.”

“He’s right,” Steve nodded, “Try again.”

I breathed out, focusing on…something. I didn’t even know what to think of or where to begin. From my foggy memories, I remembered having a strong urge to help Bucky, to take his pain away. _Take the cut…take the cut._ I shakily cut a small X on my palm, trying not to break focus. I pressed it against the cut, imagining the wound being drawn out and into me.

Nothing happened. I groaned and quickly healed my hand as Steve wiped my blood off of him and then handed me the towel to do the same to my palm.

“I don’t know how I did it,” My voice was a bit sharper than I meant for it to be, “I didn’t even know I could heal others until it happened.”

“Maybe I could help,” A voice called out from the gym entrance.

I snapped up to see Wanda, my body automatically shrinking back. Bucky must have noticed my reaction as he plopped down to sit beside me, placing a hand on my knee. The tension I felt eased.

“I think we might have got off on the wrong foot, as they say,” She said with a small, apologetic smile as she walked towards us. I said nothing as she sat down next to Steve, my eyes simply watching her movement.

“Uh, yeah,” I managed to say.

I knew this apprehension was coming from the Beast. But I didn’t fight the instinct much. It felt violating when she peered into my mind before.

“I must apologize,” She said, staring at me, “I originally didn’t want to violate the privacy of your mind, but I relented. But I did learn a lot about you.”

I glanced at her, my eyes narrowing, “What did you learn?”

Bucky’s thumb lightly rubbed my knee and Steve just kept looking in between us.

She breathed in, “I learned about the two entities in your mind, even if we didn’t understand what they were yet. I learned that you endured…so much suffering and pain,” Her voice slightly wavered, “I learned that there is both bad and good in you.”

My eyes drifted down, focusing on Bucky’s flesh hand on my knee.

“I also saw the Beast,” She added after a moment, reluctantly.

At this, I perked my head up, my eyes meeting hers and staring hard. The Beast inside me leapt to the forefront of my mind. I sensed the Lamb was struggling to keep it at bay.

“What do you mean, you saw the Beast?”

“I can show you if you like,” She offered and my shoulders stiffened.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Steve chimed in, clearly noticing the tension that was thickening.

“Relax,” She told him, “I drew it. I’m not going anywhere near her mind unless she asks me to.”

My shoulders dropped a fraction as her words comforted me. A part of me wondered how scary my mind was for her. She looked at me and I nodded after sharing a glance with Bucky. She reached into the back pocket of her jeans and took out a folded-up piece of paper. She passed it to me, and I slowly unraveled it with both Steve and Bucky peering down at it as well.

“Jesus,” Steve muttered as we all took in the figure on the page.

I felt Bucky tense up beside me, “That’s inside of her mind?”

Out of my peripheral, I saw Wanda nod. I was transfixed. My eyes were locked onto the creature. It’s eyes…my eyes stared back at me. At first glance, its expression looked murderous, completely devoid of mercy. It looked like it wanted nothing more than to leap off the page and slaughter me. But I knew those eyes. I could look past them, into them, to see the fear, the desperation. One corner of my mouth twitched upwards. I knew it’s secret.

“Are you smiling?” Steve said, his eyes focused on me rather than the paper.

I looked at Wanda, my gaze softened, “Do you see it too?” I all but whispered.

She smiled lightly and nodded, “I didn’t at first. But in time…I saw what you see.”

“I get the feeling that we’re missing something, Steve,” Bucky mumbled.

Wanda stood up and when I tried to give her back the drawing, she gestured for me to keep it.

“I must go help the Asgardians. But, if you’d like, I could help you with your magic sometime,” She said.

I paused, but nodded and agreed, folding the paper and tucking it into my waistband. I watched as she left with conflicting emotions. Part of me wanted to trust her more and the other part of me felt anxious about spending more time with her.

As I zoned out, the boys talked to each other. Something about setting up a place for me and Wanda to train. Bucky’s hand slightly shifted on my leg, inching slightly closer to my crotch. I smirked and wondered if he did it intentionally or subconsciously. I suddenly hopped up and stretched.

“Hey Buck, Tony made a couple new guns. Wanna test them out in the shooting range?” Steve stood up as well and Bucky followed suit.

I inwardly rolled my eyes. Bucky agreed excitedly. _Boys and their guns._ I shook my head and started walking towards the door.

“Have fun boys,” I sighed out, “I’m gonna go take a nice, long shower.”

I walked a few more steps before it clicked in Bucky’s head.

“Actually,” Bucky said behind me, “I think I need to go water my plants. I’ll join you in the range later.”

I chuckled at his excuse but laughed harder when Steve said, “What? You don’t have plants.”

I heard Bucky’s footsteps behind me and giggled when he scooped me up in his arms. I turned my head back to a slightly confused Steve, “Sex. We’re going to go have sex, Steve.”

His face tinted my favorite shade of pink and Bucky snickered as he whisked me away to his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh Kira's life is seemingly settling down. She's happy, safe, and making new friends? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? Also, shower smut in the next chapter :) As always, thanks for reading!


	14. The Birth of the Beast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Hope everyone is doing good and staying safe. This is a slightly shorter chapter (sorry). Not gonna lie, there is a BIG mood shift in this chapter. Let me know if you guys like it! I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Warnings: blood, gore, smut, death (not necessarily in that order)

\--Flashback (1901):--

_The older woman fidgeted with the fabric and needle in her hands, seemingly unable to mend the rip in the seam of the shirt. After another moment of being antsy, she looked around from her seat on the porch. No one was in sight. She breathed in and quickly pricked her finger with the point of the needle. She stared at the shaking finger as a small ball of blood formed. She wiped it on her dress and examined the skin again. It was healed. The hole was gone._

_She grimaced. The same had happened when she fell gathering mushrooms in the forest and impaled her palm on the pointed end of a stick as she tried to catch herself. She had nearly fainted when the tingling sensation began, and the gash closed in front of her eyes. She couldn’t let the others know. Sure, it may be the beginning of the 20 th century, but they were simple, mountain folk. They didn’t like what they couldn’t understand._

_“Oh thanks for fixin’ Robert’s shirt Ma,” A very pregnant woman waddled into view, slowly taking the steps up the porch, “I was meaning to get to it.”_

_The old woman watched as she leaned on the porch railings, a stern look quickly falling onto her face._

_“You should be in bed,” She huffed, setting the sewing materials aside and standing up to shoo the woman inside._

_The woman laughed as she was led to the bedroom, “She’s like me, she doesn’t like staying in bed. She kicks me until I go out in the woods.”_

_The woman gingerly sat on the bed and the older woman helped move her feet until she was laying with her back against the pillows comfortably._

_“She?” The old woman asked, sitting on the edge of the bed._

_The woman nodded with a dreamy smile on her face, “It’s a girl this time. I know it. I can feel it.”_

_“Mama!” A yell sounded from the front door and two sets of pittering feet were heard making a bee-line for the bedroom._

_Both women looked at the door as two boys piled in, shoving each other out of the way. The younger boy raced to the side of the bed._

_“Mama, look!” He thrusted forth a slightly crushed daffodil, “First flower of spring!”_

_The older boy scoffed, “That’s not the first flower of spring. It’s jus’ the first flower you saw.”_

_The woman gave a warning glance to him before taking the flower out of the younger boy’s hand, smiling warmly, “Thank you, Billie. It’s beautiful.”_

_The younger boy beamed at his mother before climbing up into the older woman’s lap. She curled her arms around him and kissed the top of his head._

_“Gran?” He looked up at her, “When will the baby be here?”_

_A deep laugh sounded from the doorframe. A man leaned against it, taking in the view of his family._

_“Won’t be long now,” He strode into the room, leaning down to lightly rub the woman’s swollen stomach through the thin material of her dress, “Your Mama’s belly looks like it’s about to burst.”_

_Another woman might have taken offense to that, but the woman smiled up at the man proudly. Her gaze filled with love and his mirroring hers. They had always wanted a large family. The younger boy crawled from the lap he sat on, onto the bed and curled up beside his mother, placing a small hand over her belly as well, staring at it with fascination. His young mind was filled with endless fun and adventures he’d have with his new sibling as his older brother was slowly spending less time with him in favor for shadowing their father._

_He squeaked when something bumped against his palm and his mother laughed._

_“You feel her kicking you?”_

_The boy nodded, prompting the older boy to walk closer curiously. The woman gestured for him to feel as well. He placed his hand on her stomach reluctantly and waited. After a moment he smiled when he felt the kick against his palm as well._

_The man leaned down, his face close to her stomach, “You’d better get used to beating them up, Sweetheart. You’re gonna have to keep ‘em in line.”_

_The joyous expression on the woman’s face suddenly twitched and she shifted slightly. Only the older woman’s eyes caught it. Another moment passed and the woman jolted, hissing in pain. The man looked at her with concern._

_“Is the baby coming?” He whispered._

_The older woman responded, “No, the baby isn’t due for a few more weeks. It’s probably just gas. Why don’t you take the boys and let Daphne rest.”_

_The man looked at the woman, who nodded and smiled at him. Without further prompting, he corralled the boys and led them outside to chop wood. The woman took a few deep breaths, trying not to stress over the sudden sharp pains. Her mind involuntarily raced though as her hand smoothed over her bump. Concern spread through her for her baby girl._

_“Could you – “Her words were cut short by another wave of sharp, stinging pain emanating from her stomach._

_Her eyes were wide as she stared at the older woman who tried to mask her fear in order to comfort her daughter. She quickly darted into the kitchen, pouring a concoction of herbs, oils, and water into a glass. She returned to her daughter, handing her the drink._

_“Here,” She said in a soothing voice, “This should calm you and reduce some pain.”_

_The woman gratefully drank the bitter mixture. As she was handing the glass back, it slipped from her grip as she shrieked, curling forward in pain and cradling her stomach. The glass shattered on the floor, but neither paid attention to it._

_“The baby,” The woman croaked out and the older woman nodding in understanding._

_She quickly prepared several towels and blankets as well as different pastes and tonics within reach of the foot of the bed. She laid a large bowl of soapy warm water to the side. While gathering supplies, the woman writhed in pain on the bed, in tears at this point. The man had barreled back in when he heard his wife’s cries, but the older woman sent him to the living room, promising to call if she needed him._

_The woman slid to the end of the bed, bracing her feet so her knees were bent upwards. Another scream ripped through her lips. She was panicking. This didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like labor. Her mother checked her, grimacing when she discovered that she wasn’t dilated. Hastily, she flipped her daughter’s dress up and gasped when she saw her stomach had turned purple, as if it was bruised._

_The woman had gone pale, sweat was pouring off of her. Her mouth hung open, screaming and cries flowing out of it in waves. The older woman didn’t know what to do. She froze, racking her mind for something, anything to help her daughter._

_“Get…her…o…ut,” The woman whispered with a hoarse voice, snapping the other woman out of her trance._

_The woman responded by resuming her position at the foot of the bed._

_“Try to push,” She prompted._

_“I – I can’t,” The woman dropped her knees, staring into her mother’s eyes. The older woman felt a tear run down her cheek. She never knew where her daughter got those blue eyes, crystal clear and filled with light. The exact same shade as the sky on the prettiest summer day._

_“Ma,” She whispered, her voice sounded too far away._

_The older woman sniffled, trying to pull on a brave face as the purple on her stomach slowly spread, and walked to her daughter’s side, gripping her cold hand._

_The woman’s eyes flitted closed. Her concern, worry, panic, slowly fading. Her thoughts faded in and out. The last image in her mind were blue eyes. Her daughter would have blue eyes._

_The older woman couldn’t hold back the sobs that racked through her body as she still desperately clung to her daughter’s hand. Her eyes roamed over to her stomach as she was gasping for breath. She froze when she saw movement, her mouth slightly parting in surprise. She backed away, both hands covering her mouth as a small slit appeared on the skin, right above her belly button._

_She stared numbly, eyes unblinking as the slit got larger and other cuts formed beside it. It was coming from the inside. She had to lean against the wall for support when she watched a small finger poking out, a curled claw attached to the tip. She didn’t feel afraid, though she knew she should. There was an odd familiarity drifting through the air in the room. Blood was gushing out of the slits as they widened. Still feeling numb, she felt her body move on its own accord. She grabbed a knife from the dresser, walking over to her daughter’s freshly dead body._

_With a slight gag, she widened the slit, expanding it over her whole stomach. Dropping the knife, with shaking hands, she reached in. She pulled out the baby, the skin stained and red with blood. The baby didn’t cry yet, but was breathing fine. She shuffled over to the basin of warm water, busying herself with washing the child. Her daughter was right, she was a girl._

_After being wrapped in a soft cloth, the baby finally started fussing, letting out that normal newborn cry. But this child was not normal. She repeatedly flexed her claws, but only when her fingers were stretched out. It was as if she had the innate knowledge of how to avoid cutting her own skin. Her eyes changed from slits to normal, blue eyes. They were open almost immediately – wide open – which was unheard of for a newborn. Along with her fussing, there were other sounds emerging from her tiny body. Soft growls, whines, and a snarl when she reached the peak of her fussing._

_The woman stared down at her, focusing on her eyes as she calmed down once more, staring back almost as if she recognized her. Her vision was flooded with a soft white haze and the child responded by changing her pupils into slits, her eyes darkening. A spark of recognition shot through the woman’s mind. A name floated the to surface._

_“Beast?” Her voice sounded off, higher and lighter than normal._

_The child smiled, her little mouth opening just enough to show two fangs sprouting from her gums._

_“Daphne?” A broken voice emerged into the room and the woman grimaced._

_“No,” The man knelt before the bed, tugging on his wife’s arm, “No, darlin’. No, god no!”_

_His speech soon morphed into deep sobs, breaking the woman’s heart even more. His wife was dead, cold and dead. His whole future, the future they were supposed to spend together, vanished in thin air, leaving an impossibly large space in his heart, his soul. It physically hurt. A pain worse than he had ever felt._

_“I’m sorry,” The woman’s voice broke, “I couldn’t…save her.”_

_He looked up at the older woman, seeing a similar pain in her eyes. His gaze traveled to the small bundle in her arms. He stood up, giving one last kiss to his wife’s forehead, and tried to wipe his tears as he walked to his baby girl. A look of concern passed over the woman’s face as he gazed down at the baby._

_“Hello,” He said through his tears, “She looks just like her,” He said softly, directed at his mother-in-law._

_She nodded as he gently stroked the back of his daughter’s cheek with his knuckle._

_“She wanted to name her Kira,” He let out a shaky breath, “She found it in one of those story books she liked to read.”_

_“Kira it is,” The woman agreed as the baby wiggled in her arms._

_“Hi Kira,” He cooed, “I’m your Pa.”_

_The baby let out a coo, reaching up to grip the man’s finger. As she did, her claws reflexively extended in the air. The man gasped, tearing his hand away. The child’s eyes formed into slits at his reaction, a soft growl bubbling in her throat._

_“What the hell is that?!” The man exclaimed, staring at the child in disgust and shock._

_“She’s different,” The woman settled on saying, not knowing how else to explain it._

_“Different?!” The man stared at the tiny claws then back at his wife. He froze as he slowly put two and two together, “Did…did that thing kill her?”_

_The woman, turned to the side, defensive over the child. She swallowed but squared her shoulders._

_“She’s a baby, Robert,” She snapped, “She didn’t know what she was doing.”_

_The child snarled in response to the sudden tension in the air, her face scrunching up. The man sneered before stomping out of the room, the woman followed._

_“Evan!” He bellowed, “Get my axe from outside,” He turned to the woman, pointing at the bundle in her arms, “That…thing is not my daughter. It’s some sort of fucking devil child.”_

_A primal instinct to protect the child ignited in the woman. The numbness she felt before returned and she would only remember the events that followed in a haze._

_She did what she had to do._

_Later, after burying the bodies, she slumped down the wall next to the bassinet, her dress forever stained with blood. She vaguely recalled the screams of the boys, how the older one tried to make a run for his father’s gun. Did they really need to die as well? In the moment, she felt like she couldn’t risk it, the grandmotherly love for the two children was replaced by the need to protect the Beast. The baby cooed from the blankets she was wrapped in and the old woman sighed, standing up to hover over her._

_“We’re safe, little Kira,” She whispered, pressing her lips against the child’s forehead, “We’re safe, little Beast.”_

_As her eyes closed for some much-needed sleep that night, the old woman couldn’t believe how drastically her life had changed in one night. One moment. What she didn’t know, was that, in a few months, a group of people would stumble onto her land and change her – and Kira’s – life even more._

\--Present-day Kira POV—

I couldn’t help but laugh as Bucky struggled to get his pants off as quickly as possible as I awaited him, already naked and under the warm stream of water. I bit down on my lip when he yanked his boxers down, freeing his already hard cock. I automatically rubbed my legs together, remembering the feeling of him stretching my wet walls. He stepped into the shower, closing the door behind him. His hands grabbed my waist, pulling me tight against him as his lips found mine.

His lips moved against mine, slowly and passionately as I buried a hand into his hair, lightly pulling the strands. He moaned, placing a hand against the shower wall beside my head to keep some of his weight off of me. The cool tiled wall against my back was a stark contrast to his heat plastered against my front. He pulled back from the kiss and leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes shameless roaming down my naked body, sending a shiver down my spine.

“You’re beautiful,” He husked out, “And all mine.”

I smirked, snaking a hand in between us to grip his pulsing length. His hips bucked forward in response and a low groan was forced out of him when I slowly pumped him.

“Is this hard cock all for me?” I threaded an air of innocence into my voice, smirking inwardly as his eyes darkened and his tongue darted out to lick his lips.

With a growl, he pressed his lips against my neck, sucking the flesh, earning a light moan from my lips. His flesh hand slid from my hip, his fingers parting my lower lips. He groaned at how wet I was at the same time I yelped when the pad of his finger circled over my clit. Small jolts of pleasure coursed through me, my hips moving by themselves, chasing the pleasure.

“Such a dirty mouth,” He teased into my neck.

A grin grew on my face as I leaned my mouth close to his ear.

“I want you to fuck my wet, throbbing pussy with your hard cock,” I made my voice as sultry as I could and he froze, his body tensing at my words, “I want you so deep inside my tight pussy that I feel you in my throat. I wanna cum around your cock so hard,” I twisted my grip on his dick, quickening my pace. A strangled groan left him, “I want you to ruin me.”

I pulled his hair so I could meet his lust-filled gaze and his cock twitched in my hand in response.

“Got it?” I smiled sweetly, but I was sure my eyes mirrored his.

And just like that, he snapped. His fingers dug into the flesh of my ass as he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around him. His lips crashed into mine, his tongue twisting around mine. I groaned as his tip slowly breached my soaked pussy. With a growl, he snapped his hips forward. I let out a shriek of pain mixed with pleasure as he mercilessly stretched me. My hands flew to cling to his biceps as a chorus of our groans and pants echoed in the bathroom acoustics as he set a punishing pace.

I moaned into his mouth as the coil inside me tightened, my wet walls eagerly tightening around him. His grip on my hips were sure to leave bruises and I momentarily lamented that I could keep them.

“Fuck,” He strained out, “So tight for me. Taking me so well, Doll.”

Obscenely wet slapping sounds filled the air. I felt like I was quickly careening off a cliff as my hips struggled to meet his quick and deep thrusts. He felt so good inside me, rubbing against that perfect spot.

“James, Ah!” I moaned as he bit into the side of my neck, sending more jolts of pain and pleasure through my body.

He kissed and licked over the spot, “Mm…’m close too, Doll. Fuck…cum on my cock, Doll. Need to feel y – ou.”

With three more deep and brutal thrusts, I came undone shouting his name. My nails dug into his arms and my head fell back as black dots swam in my vision. My body spasmed, clamping down and pulsing around him. I never wanted his dick to leave me. A string of curses fell from Bucky’s lips as his hips stuttered before I felt his cock twitch inside of me, shooting ropes of cum. I moaned softly, satisfied that his cum had filled me.

He gently lowered me, holding me steady as we both took a moment to pant and calm down. I looked up at him and smirked.

“I should talk dirty to you more,” I said decisively, and he chuckled, grinning.

“Troublemaker,” He teased, winking at me.

Thankfully, the water was still warm, so I grabbed the shampoo.

“Come on, let’s make this a productive shower,” I smiled, gesturing for him to get under the stream of water.

He tilted his head back, smoothing his hands over his hair as the water soaked the strands.

“I dunno,” He grinned, “Seemed productive to me.”

I rolled my eyes, massaging the manly smelling soap into his hair. He hummed in content as I gently rubbed his scalp. I placed kisses on the half-moon shaped indentions I left on his arms as he washed the shampoo out.

“Your turn, Sweetheart,” He said, squirted some shampoo onto his palm.

I smiled, wetting my hair before turning my back to him. I closed my eyes as he massaged the soap onto my head. If I wasn’t standing up, I could’ve fallen asleep. A small part of me wondered how long it had been since someone took care of me so gently. I pushed that thought away, not wanting to contaminate our bubble of…of. _Love?_ I was startled from my thoughts by the sound of more shampoo being squirted out.

“Having long hair is expensive,” Bucky muttered, getting the ends of my hair, and I laughed, the sound bouncing off the tiled walls.

I quickly washed the shampoo out of my hair, pretending not to notice Bucky staring at my chest, which was puffed out so I could lean back against the water. After spending another few moments washing each other’s bodies, I turned off the water as he stepped out. He wrapped a big fluffy towel around me.

…

“There you are,” Steve said as Bucky and I wandered into the shooting range.

He was standing behind a table with three interesting looking guns on it. They all had the same general shape as a gun, but were much bigger and had extra tubes connected to them. They looked like some sort of space-aged weapons.

“Here we are,” Bucky said, a dorky smile on his face.

“Miss Kira?” Friday chimed, “Director Fury wants to see you in his office.”

All of our brows furrowed as I answered, “Did he say why?”

“Yes. You are to be briefed for your first mission.”

My eyes went wide, looking from Steve to Bucky. Steve looked surprised and Bucky looked pissed. I sighed. _Here we go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for being family friendly! Thank you so much for reading!


	15. The Battle Within

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! THERE'S A BUNNY IN THIS CHAPTER. Shots towards Steve's sex life were made. Also, some mental struggles as the Lamb and the Beast are pulling Kira left and right. A risky decision was made. Kira's feelings come to a head. The bunny is cute though. Hope everyone enjoys! Feel free to leave any feedback or comments! Thanks <3

The mission seemed simple enough. Me and Nat were to go check out an abandoned Hydra base near the border of Germany and Poland. It had been abandoned for a few decades but had only recently been discovered. The briefing went by quick: get there, clear the building, scope it out, gather any intel, come back. I wondered if Fury had purposely given me an easy first mission. As Nat and I walked out of the meeting room, Tony jogged up to us.

“I hear our little bird is flying the nest,” He grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes, but smirked as he continued, “So about your suit – “

“Please don’t tell me you stayed up all night to make it,” I groaned.

“No, no,” He held up his hands, “What I was going to say, before you mother-hened me, was that I don’t have it ready…yet. But I did have a copy of Romanoff’s suit made in your measurements. You guys’ll be like bad-ass twinsies,” He grinned, looking from Nat to me.

Nat rolled her eyes but gave me a smirk, “Come on, twin. Let’s get suited up.”

\--3rd Person POV—

Bucky couldn’t stop thumping his leg as he sat in the lounge room, listening for the ding of the elevator to signal Kira and Nat to say a quick goodbye before heading out. Steve eyed his fidgeting from the other side of the couch where he sat with his phone.

“You know,” He gave his friend a gentle smile, “She was trained by the best. I’m sure she’ll do fine.”

Bucky huffed and forced himself to lean back into the couch, “I’m not worried about it.”

Steve tilted his head as Bucky tried to avoid his knowing, smug look.

“Why don’t you tell that to your leg? It’s going a mile a minute.”

Bucky clenched his jaw, immediately stopping the unconscious leg bouncing.

“I don’t see why I’m not allowed to go with her,” He grumbles, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing towards the doorway.

Steve chuckled, “I have a feeling you’d distract her.”

A cocky grin spread over Bucky’s face as his mind quickly conjured up ways to distract her. His concern pushed those thoughts away…for now.

“Is there a reason why you look constipated?” Sam sauntered in, a bag of chips in his hands. He sat down in one of the armchairs, eying Bucky before popping another chip into his mouth. Bucky shot him a glare.

“Kira is leaving for her first mission,” Steve explained, sharing a look with Sam.

Sam’s eyebrows shot up as he smiled almost proudly, “Tony said her superhero name is Mythic.”

“Mythic?” Steve tested the name out and smirked, “Huh, suits her. Doesn’t have as good of a ring to it as Captain America, but it’s nice.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Man, you know how many syllables is in your name? Bad guys could get like 18 shots off at you before you could finish announcing yourself. Now, Falcon. Crisp. Predatory. Dripping in sex appeal.”

Steve snorted and shot back, “I don’t announce myself.”

Bucky had a small smile on his face, listening to the two bicker. His nervousness came back in full force when the elevator finally dinged open and two sets of footprints grew nearer. Nat appeared through the doorway first, in her usual suit that left little to the imagination. Then Kira stepped into view and he could have sworn his heart stopped beating for a moment.

She was wearing a suit similar to Nat’s except it was in a dark navy color instead of black. It was like the suit was vacuum sealed onto her body, displaying her curves, the very same curves his hands loved to roam. Rows of throwing knives were strapped to her thighs and two guns hung from their holsters in her tactical belt. The front of her suit was unzipped slightly. Bucky inwardly chuckled, knowing that she didn’t like her clothes to be tight against her neck. Her deep brown hair was braided to one side with a few fly-aways already poking out. Her expression was harder than normal, but when her blue eyes met Bucky’s, they softened, and a smile played on her features.

“Speechless, Sam?” Nat teased, amused by the looks on all three of their faces, “That’s a good look on you.”

Sam sputtered to life, “Damn,” was the first word that left his mouth and he shook his head, “This,” He gestured to the two of them, “Should _not_ be allowed. You guys are scaring Steve.”

All eyes, except Bucky’s, fell on Steve whose face was tinted a deep pink and was pointedly staring at the ceiling until he heard Sam. He huffed, looking over to him.

“I am not scared,” He protested.

\--Kira POV—

I grinned, “Aw, Steve you don’t need to be scared. We won’t bite,” I shared a glance at Nat, “Unless you ask nicely.”

I flashed Steve my fangs, sending him a wink as he huffed. I giggled, stretching my arms over my head. The suit was okay. The material was relatively thin and flexible. I couldn’t help but feel slightly smothered though and I could already tell that sweating was going to be a nightmare. Tony boasted that the suit was puncture-proof and bullet-proof up to a certain caliber. He also told me to give him some notes on changes I wanted in my final suit. It all seemed like a part of a daydream, becoming a member of a team of superheroes.

“We should get going,” Nat nodded at me with a smirk.

Bucky snapped out of his stupor to jump up and stride towards me. I smiled and happily fell into his arms as he hugged me. He lifted me off of the ground and I tightened my grip around his neck.

“Come back, okay?” He muttered into my neck and I breathed out a laugh.

“I’ll always come back to you,” I replied automatically, breathing in his scent like I was committing it to memory for the first time.

“Cute,” Nat said amused, “Very cute. Now let her down, she has a job to do.”

Bucky grumbled, but obliged, setting my gloved feet back to the floor. The shoe-gloves were modified were updated into a 2.0 version. They let my claws through so I could use them if needed, but other objects like glass, metal, and debris wouldn’t pierce through. The had a lot of grip on the bottom so I could run regularly in them as well.

He leaned down, kissing me goodbye, before I turned with Nat to leave the room. As I opened my mouth to ask her something, a firm swat came across my bottom.

“Buck!” Steve chided as I whipped around to see the smug smile on Bucky’s face, both of his hands innocently stuck in his pockets as if he hadn’t just spanked my ass.

A dangerous smirk grew across my face, “I’ll get you for that, Darling.”

“Counting on it, Doll.”

I winked at him before Nat finally drug me out of the room and towards the elevator. Sam and Steve yelled out their goodbyes and good lucks.

“That was a nice send off,” Nat noted as the elevator took us up to the quinjet.

I nodded, “Maybe next time Sam will smack your ass,” I mused.

She snorted, “That would be the last thing he ever does.”

“He’d die happy,” I replied as we stepped off.

…

The old base was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by forests and seemed to be plopped down in the only clearing big enough for a building for miles. It did look abandoned; grass and weeds were growing through the cracks of the pavement. Nat had set the quinjet down in a smaller clearing a few miles away and we hiked to the location. She was amused how quietly I walked through the forest, subconsciously avoiding twigs and dead leaves.

“Well the heat scanner on the quinjet didn’t show any readings,” She noted, joining me in staring at the building.

I took a deep breath in, sharpening my focus to any new human scents. A pang of fear shot through me as I noted the all too familiar scent of a Hydra base, but no people. I had felt a similar pang, one of loss, when the fresh air first hit me when stepping out of the plane. The familiar smell and sounds of wilderness, untouched nature, were once such a large part of my life. It was like finally walking home.

“I don’t sense anything,” I confirmed, eyes still scanning the structure.

She nodded, “Be on the lookout for traps.”

She pressed forward and I followed, keeping a hand close to my gun. She stalked past the front entrance, walking up towards a dusty window. With a sharp jab of her elbow, she busted the pane, sending glass tumbling down. We paused for a moment, listening for an alarm. She went to hoist herself up, but I placed a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. She looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

“Let me go first,” I said softly, “I can heal if anything happens.”

She looked like she wanted to argue, but stepped out of the way. I climbed up and through the window frame, avoiding the bits of glass and landing silently on the grimy tiled floor. My eyes scanned the large, dark room at the same time my senses honed into the space. When I was satisfied, I reached to help Nat in as well.

“Got your coms on?” She spoke lowly, taking in the room as well.

I reached up and switched the earpiece on, nodding.

“You take that hallway, I’ll take this one,” She gestured to the two large hallways leading out of the room.

We both withdrew our guns and went our separate ways, clearing room after room.

“Have you ever been here?” Nat’s low voice crackled through my earpiece as we worked.

“I don’t think so,” I replied, “They never kept me close to forests.”

“Did they think you’d go snow white on them?” Her voice was light, teasing, “Enlist the help of woodland creatures for your escape?”

I grinned, “How do you think I escaped the first time? Hydra might seem big and bad, but they cowered before an army of bunnies and squirrels.”

Her soft laughter went through the coms. I rounded a hallway and sensed slightly movement in the corner behind me. I tensed, automatically pointing my weapon to the noise. My eyes softened when I saw it was a small and terrified bunny. I looked down both hallways, an impulsive part of me silently arguing with my professional, serious side.

Making a decision, I pushed a button on my coms, allowing me to hear Nat but I was muted to her. I holstered my weapon and crouched down, a slight warmth seeping through me. I held out my hand, creeping slowly closer to the bunny and watching its nose twitch anxiously. I coaxed it to come closer, my voice lighter than my normal pitch. My heart soared when it took a tentative hop towards me, sniffing the air. _Come here little darling. I won’t hurt you._ When it came close enough, it allowed me to scoop it up.

I bit my lip in order to keep my excitement down, stroking it’s head softly as its heartrate went down. After a quick check, I noticed that it was a girl bunny.

Nat’s voice suddenly emerged through the earpiece, “You good?”

I quickly hit the button, “Yeah, have you found anything?”

I unzipped my suit farther down, tucking the bunny inside before zipping it back up. Her little head was poking out and her body seemed to relax against the heat of mine with her ear pressed against my chest. She was probably listening to my heartbeat. I could tell she was young. She was also thin and cold.

“Nah, just a bunch of dust.”

I resumed the process of clearing each room. Nat and I chit-chatted back and forth. It took us a few hours to clear every single room on this level. It also seemed to be the only level.

“I was always kept in the basement level,” I said, heading back up to the first room we entered.

“I didn’t see any doors leading to a lower level,” Nat replied, “And the scans didn’t show anything either.”

“Every room I went into was gutted, with the exception of a chair or empty filing rack or useless pieces of paper on the floor. Looks like they took everything and left.”

“Maybe the woodland creatures ran them off,” Nat mused, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

I chuckled, turning my coms off as I entered the large entrance room, greeted by the sight of her leaning against a wall and waiting for me. She smiled when she saw me, which morphed into confusion then curiosity when her eyes landed on the bunny sleeping against my chest, safely tucked into my suit.

“Oh, I found a friend,” I said, almost forgetting.

“You know, I was joking about the whole snow white thing,” She tried to suppress her smile as she came closer, reaching out to lightly pet her.

“Are we ready to leave?” I said, looking at her hopefully.

She sighed and hoisted herself onto the window frame, “Put the rabbit back.”

I pursed my lips together, glancing down at the sleeping fluff in my suit.

\--3rd Person POV—

“Mr. Stark? Kira is calling from the quinjet, they are on their way home,” Friday’s voice buzzed through the lounge area.

Both Bucky and Steve perked up at the sound and Tony raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah patch her through,” He said.

“ – she was lonely!” Kira’s voice broke through and Tony cleared his voice, obviously intrigued.

“Oh! Tony?”

“The one and only. You two are done fairly quickly,” He smiled, leaning his head on his hand against the couch.

“Yeah,” She replied, “It was cold, dusty, neglected…much like Steve’s sex life. Nothing of importance to note.”

Bucky almost spat out his drink, doubling over in laughter as Steve made a noise of protest.

“How did you know I was here?” He gaped, his eyes wide at the offense.

“Oh, hi Steve,” She replied, making both Bucky and Tony laugh.

“Anyways,” She continued, “Tony…I feel like I don’t say it enough, but you really are a charitable genius.”

“Well that’s because you’ve never admitted it,” Tony smirked, instantly knowing something was up. Bucky knew it as well, he’d bet anything your eyes were sparking with mischief right now.

“You took me in,” Kira began dramatically, “A stray. Someone with nowhere to go, no family to speak of – “

“You’re laying it on a little thick, Sis,” Nat’s voice cut her off, “And just so you know,” She said a bit louder, “I tried to stop her.”

“Oh no,” Steve groaned.

“What did you do, Beastly?” Tony asked in a low, scolding voice when, in reality, he was curious and a bit amused.

There was a moment of silence on the other end, “I was wondering what the tower’s pet policies are,” Kira finally settled on.

Tony barked out a laugh, “No. Not a chance. Put whatever you picked up back where you got it.”

Kira sighed and grumbled, “Fine. We should be back by early morning. See you guys soon.”

The call ended. Bucky shook his head, sharing a look with Steve. Tony noticed them and scowled.

“She’s not going to put it back is she?” He asked.

Bucky snorted out a laugh, “Not a chance.”

“She’s stubborn,” Steve agreed, shaking his head.

Tony pinched his nose with his fingers and sighed, “Let’s just hope it’s not an elk.”

\--Kira POV—

I had decided to name the bunny Dove. I sighed as I looked down at her on my lap as we landed. I knew realistically, I couldn’t keep her. It was too risky with the Beast lurking in my mind; I could risk being surprised or scared, something that might make my claws extend, while she was in my hands. Since she was wild, she also had a good chance of having parasites or other diseases. I decided to find her a good home though, I couldn’t leave her behind. And I had a person in mind.

“Home, sweet home,” Nat sighed as the door swung open, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we walked off.

I had put Dove back into my suit. She seemed to like it there. We were greeted by everyone. I chuckled as Sam was holding up a sign that said, “Proud of you for not dying!”. Bucky rushed to hug me but I quickly pointed to the little creature snuggled close to my chest.

“Don’t squish her!”

Everyone’s attention was then drawn to her.

“Aw,” Clint smiled, gingerly petting her head.

“Only you would go to check out a Hydra base and come back with a rabbit,” Steve teased.

“I thought I told you to put it back,” Tony said, obviously trying to maintain a firm tone while his eyes were softened by the cute critter napping.

“You did,” I nodded, handing Dove over for Clint to hold her as she lightly wiggled, “And I did not.”

Nat took my arm, leading me towards the elevator, “Come on, let’s debrief.”

I kissed Bucky quickly and entered the elevator as the others fawned over Dove.

“Friday?” I asked as the elevator descended, “Can you call Peter?”

…

Peter had happily agreed to take Dove. However, his aunt was not so willing. In the end, Peter convinced a biology teacher at his school to take her and make her the class pet after getting her checked out by a vet. I couldn’t be happier that Dove was going to live a happy life.

I felt a sense of pride that my first mission was completed and went smoothly, even if it was a bit boring. After a few days though, that pride diminished as things turned back to routine. I notice myself drifting off into my thoughts more, reliving the memory of walking through the woods during the mission. I wish I could’ve spent more time there. At the time, I was focused, my nerves centering around the mission itself and the possibility of coming face to face with Hydra again.

I lay on my side awake, my eyes focused on the twinkling skyline of the city through the window. Bucky was cuddled against my back with his flesh arm draped over my waist. I smiled lightly at the rhythm of his soft snoring against the back of my neck. I felt safe wrapped up in his scent and body heat.

A thought floated to the surface of my mind, causing my smile to fall as I finally confronted the feeling I had been ignoring. _Why do I feel sad?_ Sadness was not a foreign feeling to me, but it was not one that I dwelled in much. When Hydra had me, sadness was of no use to me, in fact, emotions in general weren’t of use. Here, I only felt pangs of sadness when I grieve a life of normalcy that I could never have. But this. This was deep and growing.

For the first time in my life, I had everything I could have possibly dreamt of: a family, a safe and happy place to live, support, kindness, a purpose, and more. Waves of guilt flowed through me as I carefully detached myself from Bucky’s sleeping form. I stood and silently through on my discarded underwear and sleep shirt from the ground where he had thrown it earlier in the night. I glanced back at him, still deep in his dreams, before padding out of the room.

I ended up in the lounge room, not bothering to turn on any lights, cuddled with a blanket on the couch. I turned the TV on, putting it on mute so no one passing by would be alerted to my presence. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone or explaining why I was up so late. I absentmindedly flicked through channels, until I paused on one. It seemed to be a nature documentary showcasing expansive forest land. I breathed air out of my nose as the device seemed to read my mind.

My eyes scanned the scenes, taking in how the sunlight was filtered through the leaves, the time lapse shots of the sun being replaced by the moon over a mountain. I almost heard it when the leaves rustled in the wind. I almost smelt the blanket of dew cast over the grass in the light morning hours. No dancing grass though. Maybe that was only a thing at my home. _My home._ I looked down at the tear drop that landed lightly on my wrist in surprise, wiping the tears that followed with the back of my hand. I sighed as the channel switched to commercials.

Out of curiosity, I softly asked, “Friday? Where’s the nearest forest?”

“Inwood Hill Park in New York City,” She replied.

“How far away is that?”

“About 20 minutes by car.”

My mouth gaped open. I hadn’t expected it to be so close, amongst all this…city. I chewed on my lip. I felt the Lamb struggling against the Beast who had leapt forward at my thoughts. _I couldn’t._ I looked at the time displayed on the bottom of the screen; 2:43 am. _I wouldn’t._ They would never let me go, not after the date disaster. People were obviously looking for me. I strung my hands together, my nerves bunching up. _I shouldn’t._ Panic welled up inside of me as I tittered on a hazardous decision. I kicked the covers off and stood up so fast, I got lightheaded. I couldn’t shake the forces pulling and pushing me inside my mind. _Fuck._

…

“Holy shit,” I whispered to myself at the entrance of the park, my hands jammed into the pockets of my – well, Bucky’s – hoodie. I had quietly changed into jeans and boots, throwing on the hoodie as well, before slipping out of the tower. It was easier than I had thought as I now had clearance to all the levels, including the ground floor. I had suspected that Friday was set to alert everyone if I left the tower, but I had made it to the park without the Avengers popping up with the help of a small map I had stolen from a street vendor.

It was late, so the park was vacant and probably supposed to be closed. I slipped in though, trudging straight into the woods. When I was deep enough in, I stopped worrying about being caught and simply stood, taking in my surroundings. The trees here were smaller and most had lost their leaves, except for the pine trees. I took off my boots, digging my bare toes into the leaf covered ground and took a breath in. The Beast hummed in content and, surprisingly, the Lamb did as well.

A weight I had unknowingly gotten used to seemed to fall off of my shoulders, my lungs seemed to expand more than before, and my mind had a peace settle over it. I sat down, my back leaning against a tree, and tilted my head back to rest against the rough bark. I closed my eyes, smiling softly at the memories of tearing through the forest in the mountains, climbing the tallest tree I could find, wading into the ponds and small rivers.

My head snapped forward to the sound of a twig breaking. My entire being freezing at the sight of her, sitting calmly on a log I hadn’t notice before a few feet away from where I sat.

“Gran?” My voice croaked out.

She glanced up from her knitting. She was knitting on that same scarf the day before I was taken from her, the day before she died. Her warm smile made my heart break all over.

“What are you doing, little Lamb?” Even though she was close, her voice sounded far away. I furrowed my brows.

“I – I wanted to come to the woods,” I managed to reply.

She hummed understandingly, “There are parts of you that are wild. Parts that can never be tamed…even by a handsome face,” She smiled knowingly, the wrinkles around her eyes creasing.

I blushed, but I couldn’t seem to look away from her. I focused on her hands repeating the same motion over and over. Something I watched her do a thousand times.

“Then where do I belong?” My voice was small. It felt like I was a child again, asking her a question that I should know the answer to.

She sighed and gave me a look of disappointment that made my shoulder hunch as I involuntarily tried to shrink my body. Her mouth was moving, but no words came out. I straightened up, confused and straining my hearing.

“What?” I asked, but her lips never stopped.

I shook my head as a strong breeze rushed over us, “Gran?”

I knew I should get up, walk closer to her so I could understand, but I couldn’t. I was frozen to my spot, my muscles unwilling to cooperate. I sucked in a sharp breath when I saw the dark figure standing behind her, a gun pointed at the back of her head. I opened my mouth to scream, to warn her, but my words were stolen as well.

_BANG._ My head snapped forward and I blinked at the soft morning light. I panted, trying to catch my breath as my senses focused on the area surrounding me. It took a few moments for my mind to process that it was a dream, a rare occurrence for me. I stood up, frantically putting my boots back on, cursing under my breath.

It was morning, early morning, but morning. I had to get back to the tower.

…

“Where the fuck where you?” An angry Nat greeted me as I stepped off of the elevator and into the hallway leading to our rooms. I subconsciously shrank again, swallowing as she stalked towards me.

“I just…went to a park,” I tried to make my voice neutral as well as my expression, but I was sure I was failing miserably. I cursed inwardly again for my rash decision.

“A park?” She huffed, “Everyone thought you had gotten kidnapped. Steve, Sam, Clint, and Bucky are all out looking for you. Tony and Bruce are scanning security footage from the city. What the hell were you thinking?”

I swallowed again at the furious glint in her eyes. Her hands were placed on her hips and her body was tense.

I attempted to straighten my back and replied, “It wasn’t very far away. Look, I just needed…fresh air.”

She shook her head, “Why didn’t you tell anyone? You didn’t even leave a note and after what happened last time, all of us were worried sick.”

“Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes have retuned to the tower,” Friday’s sudden voice made me jump.

“Come with me,” Nat grabbed my arm, leading me back to the elevator.

I could feel the frustration and anger rolling off of her as she hit the button for the commons floor. The Lamb was devastated, the Beast was furious and offended, I…I was mortified and conflicted. There were too many thoughts and feelings swirling inside of me and I had a feeling I wouldn’t have time to sort through them for a while. The elevator dinged and I followed her into the kitchen, perching myself on one of the stools as she placed her hands on the countertop across the island from me.

She let out a breath, “You can’t just up and leave. We could’ve worked something out if you had told us. I just…everyone’s heart dropped when Bucky came running through the halls, yelling like a mad man that you were gone.”

I focused my gaze to my lap. I willed my tears away, but just barely. I shouldn’t be the one crying, not when I was the one that hurt them.

“I don’t know,” I whispered, not sure if she could even hear me, “where I belong.”

Before she could reply, the elevator dinged and feet ran down the hallway. I swiveled in my stool just in time to have strong arms wrap around me, pulling me tight against his chest.

“Friday told us you came back,” He said, out of breath, “Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?”

Nat answered before I could, “She went to a park, Barnes. No one took her.”

“What?” He released me to place his hands on my shoulders, searching my face to see if it was the truth. It was. A flood of emotions flickered through his face: relief, confusion, hurt, disappointment.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Steve said beside him, staring at me in disbelief, “Do you know what could have happened? You had no way of contacting us, we had no trackers on you.”

“Someone tried to kill you last time,” Bucky added, his brows furrowed as his anger increased, “Why would you leave without telling me?”

My head was spinning. I didn’t notice Tony and Bruce walk in until Tony spoke up.

“It’s usually me making the stupid decisions, but you have me beat this time.”

Bucky has removed his hands on me, placing them on top of his head. With nothing to ground me, it felt like I was floating away. They argued more, repeating things over in their concern and anger. The Lamb was goading me to apologize, whispered words to say to comfort them. The Beast wanted to flee and my claws itched to slaughter anyone who stood in my way.

“You can’t just make split decisions. We’re a team,” Steve said, crossing his arms.

“Do you know how worried I was?” Bucky’s voice reached my ears as well, “I didn’t know if you were okay or hurt or worse.”

“I’m definitely putting trackers in all of your clothes,” Tony grumbled in the background.

Clint and Sam entered the room as well. My chest tightened as the sense of being trapped heightened. It felt like the air was pushed out of my lungs and I was struggling to get it back. My eyes flickered to everyone as they spoke and in my mind I did the same with the Lamb and the Beast. Everyone outside was arguing. Everything inside my mind was arguing. Words, thoughts, feelings were becoming warped, twisted. There was a war being waged inside of me and I was a helpless bystander, being pushed and beaten in the process.

I didn’t notice when the words outside of my mind had stopped or when my hands had lifted up to cover my ears in a feeble attempt to muffle the noise. A white hazy filter fell over my vision for a split second, before switching my pupils into slits. Anger boiled through my veins one moment and an eerie calmness, urging me to comfort the others, flooded me in the next. I didn’t know what was me, what was Lamb, what was Beast. _Is there even a me?_ The battle waged on, every second felt like hours as I tried to stop it. Every inch of me wanted to run from it, but you can’t run from something inside your mind, your soul.

“STOP,” My scream was an unnerving fusion of an animalistic screech and a haunting otherworldly voice.

A semblance of peace and stillness finally settled in my mind. I looked up to see everyone had taken a step away from me and were staring at me shocked and concerned. I met Bucky’s blue eyes before closing my own and taking a breath.

“You don’t know how hard it is,” my voice sounded as tired as I felt, “to have completely opposite forces trying to gain power over your mind, thoughts, actions, life. Sometimes, I’m not sure if Kira exists or if I’m simply a combination of the Beast and the Lamb, nothing more,” I swallowed and looked away, out the window, “I should’ve have left. My life is perfect here and I shouldn’t have betrayed your trust and made you all worry. But, to be honest, a large part of me will always be drawn to the woods, to nature.”

“It felt…so good, being in the park. I – I don’t know where I belong. Part of me says one thing, the other part says another. I’m…constantly…being torn,” I sniffed as my tears were flowing freely now, “As the forces inside me grow stronger, I’m worried that I’ll lose sight of what is me, what is Kira. That I’ll become nothing but a vessel. A vessel that will eventually get ripped apart by the battles fought inside.”

I took a shaky breath, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone or cause any panic. I – I’m just gonna be in my room for a while,” My voice got quieter and quieter.

I hugged my arms to myself and carefully walked past everyone, avoiding their gaze. I waited until the door of my room shut before I let the sobs spilled out of my body.

\--3rd Person POV—

Everyone looked at each other for a moment after the elevator doors closed.

“Well fuck,” Sam breathed out, rubbing his jaw.

Everyone was conflicted, emotions of panic and concern were slowly ebbing at her arrival, anger and confusion were still present from her leaving, but now sympathy, shame, and sadness were now creeping in from her words. The sound of her voice when she yelled made them all uneasy. It sounded like something they shouldn’t have heard.

“How…how do we help her?” Steve finally said, casting a glance at Bucky then Nat.

Nat breathed in, “Sam, you do therapy for veterans, right? Maybe you could talk to her.”

Sam quirked a brow, “She seems a little…above my abilities.”

“It wouldn’t hurt,” Bruce spoke up, “If you can’t help her, we can find another therapist. She would trust you more though.”

Sam cast a look to Bucky and Bucky nodded at him.

“I’ll go check on her,” Bucky muttered, turning to leave.

“No,” Sam suddenly said as Bucky was entering the hall, “Just…give her a little time to sort things out inside her head.”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but a look from Steve stopped him. He fought the urge to run to her, hold her in his arms so he knows she’s safe and here. But he reluctantly admitted to himself that he wouldn’t be much help in the mental/emotional department. Worry churned in his stomach, it has been since he found Kira missing from the bed this morning. He ran a hand through his hair as Steve walked over.

“She’ll get through this,” He said, trying a small smile, “Your girl is tougher than all of us put together.”

Bucky nodded, mimicking his friend’s smile, “I know.”

“Didn’t your Ma always say that you needed a girl that could keep you in line?” Steve’s smile grew larger as he teased.

Bucky chuckled lightly, “Yep. Took more than a lifetime, but I finally found her.”

It was true, he knew it with every fiber of his being. But a cast of worry was still present inside his mind. He could fight bad guys; rip them apart, crack their skulls, shoot bullets through their chest with pinpoint accuracy. But his fists and weapons were useless against the forces Kira was battling inside of her. But he had found her. He wasn’t going to let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Also, I already have another story roughly figured out (another Bucky/OFC) and I was thinking of writing that one entirely in 3rd person. Do you guys have any preferences on point of view? Is this format (1st person POV mixed with 3rd person POV) better? I'd love to know your thoughts! Thanks again.


	16. The Past is Never Far Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of my readers are going through finals, like me, I sincerely hope that this story helps destress you! Sorry about the shorter chapter, but I'm excited about this second story arch! 
> 
> Warnings: Smut (Anal) (btw, all smut in this fic has been unprotected, but PLEASE practice safe sex in real life)
> 
> Thank you for reading and, as always, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!

I carelessly wiped my tears and snot on the collar of my shirt as I sat on the floor of my room. My journal was open to the page where I drew my favorite spot in the mountains and was sitting in front of me, far enough away to not be in danger of a rouge tear smudging the graphite. I wrapped my arms around my legs, tucking them in towards me, and rested my forehead on my knees. My tears no longer fell, a strange numb feeling replaced them.

I was about to haul myself up and into the bathroom to take a much needed shower, when I heard a soft knock at the door. My tired eyes followed the sound. I couldn’t tell how it was through their scent. I had the feeling that the Beast, along with the Lamb, had retreated back for a while. Maybe that was why I felt so empty.

“Come in,” My voice croaked out, causing me to clear my throat.

“Hey,” Sam’s soft voice startled me as he opened and shut my door, standing there and taking the scene before him in.

I had expected Bucky or Steve, or maybe even Nat. I sighed, I figured he was aiming to get me to leave my room.

“I just…wanna stay in here,” I spoke and inwardly cringed at how pathetic I sounded.

He nodded in understanding, taking a seat on the other side of my journal. He rested his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on his hand, staring down at my drawing. I watched him curiously.

“This where you grew up?” He asked, flicking his eyes up at me with a soft smile on his face.

I nodded, my eyes softening as I stared at the drawing as well, “Yeah. I had acres and acres of mountains, fields, and forests to run around in.”

“Must have been a pretty big shock when you left.”

I breathed in quietly, “It was,” I swallowed, “Sometimes it feels like a different life altogether. My memories of it aren’t very…strong.”

He looked up, now focusing his attention on me. I scanned his face, not sure what I was looking for. Perhaps deceit or pity. I found none, only noticing how genuine he seemed.

“Is that why you went to the park?”

I sighed and shook my head, “No. Well, maybe. I don’t…” I paused and started again, “The things inside me…they crave the wild. The forest makes me feel…calm, it makes them quiet. But I do miss the mountains, I think.”

I groaned in frustration, balling up my fists, “That’s the problem. I don’t know what’s me, what I want. Recently everything’s been mixed up. It’s like there’s no…no separation between me and them inside my mind.”

He waited until I relaxed my hands to speak.

“Well, for most of your life, you only really had the Beast to deal with, right? It wasn’t until recently that the Lamb grew strong enough to be thrown in the mix as well.”

I muttered an agreement and he continued, “So maybe there’s an adjustment period. You may just have to get used to the Lamb. I can’t say that I have a clue about what you’re going through…but I do know that you have an entire team of big-shot superheroes to help and support you,” He gave me a small smirk.

I breathed out a laugh through my nose, “Yeah. And I managed to piss off every single one of them.”

He scooted on the floor until he was sitting beside me, placing a hand gently on my knee.

“Hey now,” He nudged me, “That’s what a family does. They piss each other off. My mom once threw a cast iron skillet at my brother’s head.”

I snorted and he smiled, seemingly proud that he got that reaction out of me. I lightly rolled my eyes. We sat for a moment in silence. My small smile dropped as my thoughts once again started racing.

“What if there isn’t a me?” My voice was small, “If you take away the Beast and the Lamb, what if I don’t exist?”

Sam shook his head, “Kira is very real. You talk about the Lamb and the Beast as if they’re separate from you, even if they’re both in your mind. And besides, you think those ancient forces would be able to tease Steve as much as you can? Or out-sass Tony?”

I shook my head as well, trying to hide my grin. I felt the tension subside in my body. His words, however true they might be, helped calm me. I rubbed my face, inwardly groaning at the thought of facing everyone again. They had a right to be mad, concerned. But it was hard to make them understand when I can’t even wrap my head around it at times.

He nudged me and I looked over at him, “Why don’t we – “

We both jumped at the sound of an alarm ringing through my room and from the hallway. I looked at him with wide eyes as he looked up to address Friday.

“What’s going on, Friday?” He asked standing up and helping me to my feet as well.

“It’s a code green, Agent Wilson,” She replied.

“Oh,” He relaxed a little before looking at me, “That mean’s the Hulk’s out and Banner isn’t controlling him. Nat is probably already calming him down.”

“Agent Romanoff was knocked unconscious. Agent Rogers and Agent Barnes are currently trying to subdue him,” Friday chimed in and Sam sighed.

My heart stopped at the mention of Bucky. We both shared a look before running out of my room, heading for the commons floor.

When we burst out of the stairway, not wanting to wait for the elevator, I flinched at the guttural roar we were met with followed by loud crashing and yelling. I ran ahead, dodging a piece of countertop that was hurtled into the hallway. I was greeted by the sight of the Hulk, a massive green, beefed up version of Bruce who was towering above everyone. He currently had Bucky pinned to the floor by his metal arm with Steve clamoring onto his back, trying in vain to put him in a choke hold. The room was in ruins, but the only thing I zoned in on was Bucky struggling.

Before I could stop it, a loud growl bubbled from my throat, cutting through the noise of the chaos. The Hulk straightened up, turning to face me with wild and furious eyes. Logically, the Lamb would be great in this situation to calm him, turn him back into docile Bruce. However, the Beast seemed adamant and, for once, there was no arguing between them.

I squared my shoulders, meeting his gaze with as much fire in my eyes as I could muster. He quickly flipped Steve over his back and he crashed against a wall.

“Let him go,” I snarled, pointing down to Bucky.

I didn’t want to have to hurt Bruce, but there was also some part of me that wanted to rip him to pieces if he hurt Bucky.

“NO,” He bellowed, his voice like a deep, twisted version of Bruce’s calm one.

I felt Sam beside me, a hand on my arm to try and pull me back, but I ripped my arm away. I snarled my lips as another growl rolled past my lips. This seemed to egg the Hulk on, as he took a step closer to me, dragging along Bucky, and leaned towards me. He let out a roar of his own, causing me to smirk.

“Bring Bruce back,” I commanded, spitting out the last word.

“NO!!”

As the word was still leaving his lips, I inhaled deeply, sucking in as much air into my lungs as possible. I held it, took a step forward and allowed my own roar to rumble through my chest before erupting out. It was a low, deep growl that grew steadily in intensity, causing the very air around them to seemingly vibrate. It grew in pitch until it ended with a shriek, a distorted scream that shattered the remaining intact glasses in the kitchen.

The expression on everyone’s face was the same and the Hulk released Bucky, but no one else dared move. The Hulk’s gaze was locked onto mine even though I could tell that he wanted to look away. I’ve been told different things by different people. I’ve heard that my roar sounds like it came straight from Hell, that it’s nightmarish, cursed, demonic, I’ve even been compared to a hell hound.

Taking advantage of his surprise, I urged the Lamb forward, my vision filled with a slight tint of white. I relaxed my body, pulling on a warm smile.

“Hey,” I spoke, my voice light, and Hulk blinked in response, “It’s okay. Can you calm down for me?”

I slowly reached out my hand to his hulking frame, facing my palm up. I tilted my head, encouraging him to take my hand. Still dazed, he took a few lumbering steps forward, tentatively placing his palm against him. My hand was lost in his large green one. I smiled at him, giving him a slight nod as I sensed his body begin to change shortly before I could see it with my own eyes. Seeing as he was changing back, I dropped his hand and ran to Bucky.

“Are you okay?” I asked as he stood up, scanning him for injuries.

He breathed out a laugh and pulled me into a hug, “I’m fine, Doll.”

“I’m good,” Steve said with a cough behind him, “I’m good as well, thanks for asking.”

I ignored him and leaned back to meet Bucky’s eyes, placing my hands on his cheeks.

“I’m sorry I ran away,” I said with a small, guilty smile.

His eyes softened and his body leaned more against me, “I know. Just talk to me next time, okay? Whatever it is, we can figure it out. I can’t have my girl disappearing on me,” His lips drew into his signature cocky smile.

I nodded, pressing my lips against his, swooning slightly as he immediately deepened the kiss. Our lips worked together, being greedy and forgetting the wreckage and people that surrounded us. He pressed my body closer against his, causing me to feel his half-hardened cock straining against his pants. My lips twitched into a smile at that.

“And they say romance is dead,” Tony’s robotic voice interrupted our happy little bubble.

I detached myself from him with a frown, settling my gaze on his Iron Man suit. He was holding a large syringe in his hand which, I assumed was for the Hulk. I rolled my eyes but whispered in Bucky’s ear that we may want to go somewhere less public. He smirked and placed his hands under my ass, hoisting me up and I wrapped my legs around him with a laugh.

“Hey, you guys aren’t getting out of clean up!” Steve called after us as Bucky strode out of the room with me. I looked at him over his shoulder and stuck my tongue out at him.

“Use protection!” Sam said loudly, ignoring Steve as he was helping Banner up, “I’m not raising any babies!”

I snorted, but inwardly grimaced.

…

I gripped the sheets in my fists, not caring about the tears my claws caused, and moaned deeply as he re-entered me from behind. My slick was dripping down my thighs from the previous orgasms he sent my body into.

“Shit,” He groaned, stilling inside of me once he was fully sheathed, “Always so tight around me. God, it’s like you were made for me, Doll.”

I moaned again as I felt my walls pulse around him. Both of our bodies had a sheen of sweat and I could already feel the sweet soreness settling in throughout my muscles. After a moment, a whine left my lips and I arched my back more, pushing back against him.

“You need something, Doll?” He taunted and I didn’t have to turn my head to visualize the smirk on his lips.

“Fuck,” I cursed as he shifted his hips, grinding against me teasingly, “Ah, don’t be an asshole. Move.”

“Oh, Doll. All I heard was ‘fuck’ and ‘asshole’,” He breathed out a chuckle and swiped his thumb in a circle around the tight, puckered hole.

I gasped, a shudder of pleasure running down my spine as I imagined how full he would make me feel in that hole. He grunted at my reaction, finally thrusting into me.

“You’d like that, huh?” His thumb continued to rub against me, “Want me to stuff my cock in your pretty little asshole?” He groaned at his own words.

I bit my lip. I was certainly no prude when it came to sex, but that was one hole that I never gave to anyone. But god, it sounded appealing. The coil in my stomach was already wound up tight again. When the pad of his thumb penetrated my puckered hole, pleasure sparked through my body.

“Yes…ah, James, fuck my ass,” My voice was needy, desperate, but I was past caring.

He pulled out of my pussy, causing more of my juices to drip out, and cursed. I looked behind me and could have came at the sight of him. His pupils were blown, and his gaze was almost predatory with lust as he slowly stroked himself.

“You sure, Doll?” He managed to ask. I smirked and wiggled my hips at him, nodding. He cursed again and plunged his metal fingers into my pussy, gathering my slick and rubbing it against my asshole. I jolted as his first finger slowly worked it’s way past the tight ring of muscle, but moaned as the discomfort gave way to pleasure.

More moans and whines slipped past my lips as he worked his way inside of me, adding another finger. I found myself pushing back against him, fucking myself on his fingers. He grew restless behind me, growls and groans of his own meeting mine. I heard the wet sounds of his flesh hand jerking himself. I whimpered when he pulled his fingers away with a growl.

I bit my lips and tasted blood when I felt the hot tip of his cock at the puckered entrance.

“Relax, Doll,” He whispered, placing a hand on my hip, “Tell me to stop and I will.”

I breathed out, “Just put your dick in me,” I grumbled, which earned a sharp spank against my asscheek.

My smirk fell from my face as he slowly pushed in. I felt my body naturally arch my back more, my pussy clenching on air. He always felt huge, but in this hole, he felt massive. The most pornographic moan fell from my mouth just as he filled me to the hilt. The burning, stretching pain was almost immediately transformed into pleasure and I felt the next orgasm come rushing to me like a tidal wave. I could tell he wanted to give me a moment to get used to him as he gently massaged my ass, but I needed him to move like I needed air in that moment.

The words tumbled out of my mouth in a voice I hardly recognized, “Mmm fuck me. Please, fuck, want it rough. Please – Fuck me!”

He quickly compiled, pulling out of me and slamming into me again, pulling a scream from me. His hips were snapping hard against me, faster and harder as I tried to meet each of his thrusts. He draped his body over me, groaning and biting my neck as he continued his punishing pace.

“God, taking my cock so good,” He grunted against my ear, as his grip bruised my hips, “Gonna fill that pretty ass with cum.”

“Fuck. James,” I panted out, “’m close. God, harder.”

He straightened up again with a groan, pounding into me so hard the bed beneath us shook violently. He wrapped one hand around, rubbing frantic circles over my swollen clit.

“Cum on my cock, Doll. Fuck, so good.”

My eyes grew wide and my mouth was hanging open as my orgasm hit me hard, leaving stars in my vision. I barely registered my scream or the string of praises that left his lips as my entire body spasmed and flooded with pleasure. My cunt squeezed around nothing, but my asshole contracted hard against his cock, my entire body pulsing.

With a deep and desperate grunt, his hips stilled momentarily, before giving a few more sloppy thrusts as he pumped his cum inside of me. After riding both of our highs out, he gingerly pulled out of me, making me wince slightly. I collapsed onto my stomach with a sleepy and satisfied smile on my face.

Later, after taking a shower together, we cuddled in bed.

“Well, I can proudly say that you, my Darling, have went where no other man has been tonight,” I said with a smile, looking up at him as I laid my head on his chest.

He chuckled, a goofy smile lighting up his face, “Does that mean I get to name it?”

I snorted, “Excuse me?”

“When people are the first to discover something, they get to name it,” He glanced down at me with a smug look, “It’s kinda a rule, Doll.”

I laughed, rolling my eyes at his antics, “Fine. You can name my ass. Just don’t name it something stupid, like Steve. Oh my god, wait no – please name my ass Steve. I could do so much with that.”

“I am not naming your ass Steve,” He said with a look of disgust, “How about…Plum?”

I sighed, “You want to name my ass, Plum?”

He chuckled, “Hey, I love plums. And it’s shaped like a nice, juicy one.” He playfully swatted and groped my ass to prove his point. I snickered and rose up to press my lips against his.

“Fine,” I smiled at him, kissed his nose and went back to nuzzle my face into his neck.

Friday’s voice suddenly broke through, “Agent Kira and Agent Barnes, you are both needed in the meeting room as soon as possible. Agent Rogers is requesting for you to ‘untangle yourselves from each other and get down here. Now.’”

We both sat up, sharing a glance before quickly putting on clothes and heading to the meeting room. As we walked from the elevator with his hand entwined in mine, my stomach twisted with anxiety. _I have a bad feeling about this._

…

“Jesus, what happened to you?” Sam exclaimed when we both walked in.

I stared at him confused with furrowed brows. Nat caught my eye and gestured to her neck. _Oh, I forgot to heal the bruises._ Usually, I got to sleep after a long session of sex and love making with Bucky and I allowed a much slower, but still faster than usual, healing process to take care of them before I woke. I quickly focused and healed any superficial bruising or cuts I had on me all while smiling sweetly at Sam.

“Told ya she was a freak in the sheets,” Tony muttered to Bruce, who looked uncomfortable by those words.

“What do you toss her against walls?” Sam feigned shock and concern towards Bucky who smiled.

“Only if she asks nicely,” He smirked and winked at me. Nat shook her head and muttered something about men.

“And only if he’s been a good boy,” I shot back, still smiling sweetly, as I sat down at the table.

“Guys, this is serious,” Steve’s Captain voice gathered everyone’s attention.

“Now, there’s been a bombing. Happened an hour ago across the city,” He stated, shuffling out files to everyone, “We think it’s the same people who targeted Kira and Bucky at the diner. Only this time, they nearly took out a whole city block.”

I opened the folder like everyone else, scanning the reading and reports.

“At the center, they left a calling card – some type of logo – in human blood on one of the remaining brick walls. Tony already scanned all known databases for the logo, but, so far, nothing has shown up.”

Pictures of the bombing site were included after the reading. I took in the pictures of rumble, remains of people, destroyed cars, and unrecognizable buildings. I turned the page and my eyes landed on the last picture. All the air from my lungs and around me seemed to be sucked away as the blood in my veins ran cold. Steve’s voice was muffled and everything in my world outside of that picture was zoned out. _No._ Even the Beast and the Lamb were eerily quiet.

“Kira?” Clint’s voice broke me out of my trance and I finally tore my eyes away from the page. Everyone was looking at me with various levels of concern and intrigue. My eyes met Steve’s before flitting over to Tony’s.

“You have a safe house?” My voice was strained.

He glanced around the table before nodding, “Yeah. A couple.”

Every fiber of my being was sent into some sort of emergency mode. All I cared about was getting my family out of here, somewhere safe. I stood up, my legs weren’t as shaky as they felt.

I addressed everyone with my own version of the Captain voice.

“We need to go there. Now. Everyone pack your bags, meet on the quinjet in ten minutes.”

Steve opened his mouth, but I cut him off, “I’ll explain once we’re safe. All you need to do right now is trust me, do as I say, and hurry.”

Nat took the initiative and stood up, nodded to me and left the room. Everyone else muttered an agreement and quickly filed out as well. Bucky was hesitant to leave, but when he saw the look on my face, he kissed my temple.

“I’ll pack a bag for both of us, Doll,” He whispered, “Just go get on the jet, okay?”

I nodded and watched as he left. I breathed out, taking one last look at the picture before shutting the file and tucking it under my arm.

At the center of the explosions, on one of the last remaining erect walls, was a logo carefully drawn in a red over the gray bricks. Seeing it was like my past haunting me, knocking on my door once again even though I thought I left it far behind. I should know better by now. The past is never very far behind and it will always find me.

They were back, or maybe they never died, and I knew who they were looking for.

The logo was a combination of an L and a B for the Guild of the Lamb and the Beast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot tell you how much I cracked myself up at the whole "Plum" thing. Why am i like this? Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


	17. The Past of a Villain, The Destiny of a Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for shit to hit the fan, folks! (but not without a little "awww" moment between our two lovebirds).   
> I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: mention of murder and blood

My entire body felt like it was shaking like a leaf, but outwardly, I could tell from the concerned glances sent my way that I looked eerily calm. The shaking was only on the inside as thoughts, flashes of memories, and both the Lamb and the Beast humming with anticipation, were all causing dull but constant vibrations in my bones.

The guild was short-lived, or at least I had thought they were, but they were smart. They would seamlessly worm their way into any organization in order to gain control. And they had control of everyone and everything around them from high ranking government officials to small political organizations. _How long had they been back? Or did they leave at all?_

“So…you wanna tell us what’s going on?” Steve’s voice broke me from my thoughts.

I breathed out as evenly as I could. We had made it to the safehouse, a one story compound that had the bare minimum furnishings but was, thankfully, fully stocked with food and weapons. Everyone either sat or stood in the dimly lit living room and everyone had their eyes on me as I stood in front with my arms crossed.

“That symbol is the logo for the Guild of the Lamb and the Beast,” I breathed out the words, staring down at the file that sat on the coffee table in front of me.

I went on after a moment, “With my limited knowledge of how the guild operates, there’s a good chance that they’ve already infiltrated the tower. That’s what they do. They snake their way into every organization that they can use.”

“They were behind the diner bomb too,” Steve solemnly stated, “The bombs used in the city had the same blast pattern as the diner bomb, only on a larger scale.”

I nodded, “My guess is that they’ve been in the tower at least since then.”

“Wait,” Bucky said meeting my eyes, “If their whole guild surrounds you, why would they try to kill you in the diner?”

I swallowed, “They knew it wouldn’t kill me. I wasn’t their target.”

“If they killed the boyfriend, you’d be an easier target,” Sam muttered, reading through his own copy of the file in an armchair.

Nat spoke up, “If they’re this good then why did they give you over to Hydra? You said they disbanded right?”

“From what I gathered, two of the leaders thought differently about the future and purpose of the guild. One of the leaders defected and took a lot of people with them. The guild’s hold on various organizations fell apart. Majority of the group left the guild to join Hydra and they took me with them. My first Father was from the guild and he told me that it was no more, but that Hydra would be better, stronger.”

“So,” Everyone turned as Fury walked into the room, “You based the fact of the guild disbanding over the word of a Hydra member.”

I clenched my fists in an attempt to quell the urge to sink my claws into his good eye as I stared hard at him.

“Like mentioned, the entire guild revolved around the forces inside of me. If the guild was still together then, they would never just hand me over to some other organization,” I snapped, “If you want a fucking fight, go somewhere else. I don’t have time for it.”

“Let’s get back on topic,” Steve got up to stand beside me.

“How do we fight them?” Clint asked, looking from me to Steve.

It was the question I had been mulling over in my mind since I first laid eyes on the logo in the photo. For the first time in my life, I wish I would have paid more attention to my first captures. My memories of my time with them weren’t the clearest, but I knew this was my fight.

“I need to get a look at the scene where the logo was found,” I started, “But it’s too risky to go there or even send anyone there. They’d be expecting it.”

“So what do – “

I cut Sam off, locking my gaze with Fury, “I’ll need your help. You make any accusation or sideways remarks about me that you want, but only after the guild is taken care of. If they’re truly back then they’re not gonna stop until I stop them.”

The room fell into a silence for a moment as Fury seemed to think about my words. A flash of an indiscernible emotion flickered over his features before he met my eyes again. He nodded and I took it as a sign to go on.

“We need to locate the person who took these photos,” I pointed to the file, “Someone who was at the scene. Then we need to get Wanda to read his memories of it. Wanda will join us here and she and I can comb through the memories together. There has to be some sort of clue of what they’re going to do or where they’re going next, but I’d bet anything that it’s something only I would catch. It’s what they want, to draw me out.”

Fury nodded once again, “Okay. I can do that. Tony, scrub through any new employee records from the time Kira arrived at the tower until now. Check for any inconsistencies or shady backgrounds.”

Tony nodded and hopped out of the room to go outside to the quinjet’s computer. I couldn’t help but notice, if only for a moment, the seriousness that fell over everyone as soon as we left the tower. They seemed to be picking up on my own reactions and treating this as serious as I felt – and knew – it was.

“Nat, Clint,” Steve said from my side, “Why don’t you guys scour the internet for information on this guild. Sam, keep a look out on the news for any similar bombings or events.”

“I’ll take another look at the bomb fragment details,” Bruce stated as everyone else was standing up, “Maybe I can find out where they’re making them.”

As everyone, save for Steve and Bucky, filed out of the room, I found myself lost in my thoughts again. A flurry of emotions welled up inside of me, creeping through the numbness that had set in during the initial shock. I was terrified, anxious, but also incredibly angry. But my anger boiled, surprisingly, not against the guild. It was mainly directed at myself for putting the people I care about, the only people in decades that I’ve come to feel safe with, in danger. I wasn’t naïve. It wasn’t as simple as throwing myself over to the guild and them forgetting that I was ever apart of the Avengers; they’d kill everyone I have a tie with.

For majority of my life, I was so used to focusing on my own safety, my own risk. As vain as it sounded, I was one-of-a-kind. There would always be people, organizations, after me. Even if we beat the guild, who – what- would be next?

“You need to get out of your head, Doll,” Bucky’s deep voice enveloped me as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I sighed and leaned against him.

“Why don’t you guys go lay down,” Steve said rubbing my back, “Get some rest before Wanda gets here.”

I nodded and Bucky led me to the nearest bedroom. Even though I hadn’t done much, I felt exhausted emotionally. With ease, he pushed two of the twin beds together and darted out of the room to return with our bags. I quickly buried myself under the covers and waited for him to join me.

“It’s going to be okay, Doll,” He murmured as my body wrapped around his comfortably. I inhaled his scent as I nuzzled my face into his neck.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, listening to his heartbeat, “I should have known it was the guild. I should’ve – “

He reached out with his metal hand to cup my face and bring it up so he could meet my eyes. He shook his head and placed a firm but gentle kiss to my lips.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” He whispered back with his blue eyes searching mine, “This is not your fault, Sweetheart.”

I attempted to give him a smile before laying my head back on his chest. I didn’t want to think what could happen if the guild got a hold of him, if they hurt him. The thought made my stomach twist and tears stung the brim of my eyes. It was such a mess. My life was such a mess and I couldn’t help but think that I drug him into it.

A stronger woman would cut all ties with everyone in order to protect them. A stronger woman would walk out of this safehouse and never be heard from again. A stronger woman would be willing to feel that hurt, that pain, in order to save her family.

But I was not that woman. There was a time in my life that I could easily retract all emotions in seconds, that I could take back the feelings I invested without a second thought. But now I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. _Even to save him, I can’t stop loving him._ The thought entered my mind so easily, so freely, that it didn’t hold the shock I thought it would. It felt right and a part of me knew it all along. I breathed in and closed my eyes to steel myself for the words I was about to say.

“Bucky?” I asked, knowing he wasn’t asleep. He hummed in response and tightened his hold on me. I sat up on my elbow, having gathered the courage to look him in the eye.

“I need you to know something, but I also need you to understand that I’m not just saying this because of the situation or because I’m scared,” I rubbed his scruffy cheek with my fingertips, “I am scared, “I admitted, “But I refuse for the guild – or anyone – to take you away from me or me away from you. You’re the first person I trusted in decades and it was so incredibly easy.”

His eyes softened and a goofy smile fell over his face as I continued, “You’ve proved me wrong in so many ways. Before you, I never thought it was possible to care for someone other than myself and to have others care about me. I never thought that I would ever laugh so hard that I cried or take pleasure in having the dumbest conversations. I never thought I could feel so happy that I forget the pain in my past. I never thought I would be able to look forward to the future and spending it with someone,” I breathed in, my own smile finding its way onto my face.

“And I never thought I would fall in love.”

His smirk disappeared for a moment, an expression of surprise replaced it. He swallowed and searched my eyes, “Doll?”

“I love you, James,” I simply stated, the words sounding strange, but so right.

He breathed out a laugh before his mouth stretched into an even wider grin. He pushed his lips onto mine for a passionate kiss. I felt his own love for me as our lips moved against each other, emotions pouring out of both of us. He finally pulled away from me after a few moments and looked into my eyes.

“I love you too,” He breathed, “I want nothing more than a future with you, Doll. And I won’t let anyone take that future from us,” He promised with a determined glint in his eye.

I smiled, nodded, and placed my head onto his chest again. He entwined his metal fingers with mine as I snuggled in closer against him. He kissed the top of my head, urging me to get some sleep. I breathed out and closed my eyes.

I should be feeling a warm, sappy happiness in response to his words and part of me was. I tried to blame it on the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts I’ve experienced in the past 24 hours. But a part of me couldn’t help the spikes and pricks of anxiety that travelled through me. Those words should have marked the beginning of our lives together. _So why did they feel more like a goodbye?_ As tears threatened to fall, I let the Lamb take over. It lulled me to sleep, albeit a restless sleep.

…

_“You said he was a murderer. You said he was going to hurt us!” I screamed, desperately trying to wipe the already dried blood from my small hands._

_Gran wiped the sweat off of her brow and leaned on the shovel to look at where I stood on the porch. Her lip was curled in a snarl and her eyes were devoid of the usual warmth they carry._

This isn’t right. I don’t remember this.

_“What makes you think he wasn’t?”_

_I huffed through my tears, “He was a hiker. He didn’t have any weapons and on the path he was, he would have never found us. You sent me to kill an innocent man!” My voice broke and I threw the rag aside._

_Gran rolled her eyes at me and begin digging again, paying no attention to the body that lay beside the shallow hole._

_“No man is innocent,” She replied, “Now get over here and help me dig the hole for the man YOU killed.”_

Why is she acting like that? I don’t…understand what’s happening.

_“No,” My young voice was surprisingly firm and made Gran pause, “You’re lying. YOU sent me to kill him. YOU killed him. I was just your weapon.”_

_Gran threw the shovel into the shallow pit and turned around to face me._

_“You think this is my fault?” She stalked closer to me, her expression neutral but her eyes cold and almost sparkling, “You think I chose this…this life?”_

_I swallowed, my steady gaze wavering. I had seen Gran angry before, usually because of a rule I broke or something I did. But this…this lack of emotion was unsettling. It didn’t look like Gran. She walked closer to me, still awaiting an answer, but my voice had disappeared. I took a tentative step backwards, the wooden floorboards squeaking underneath me._

If this isn’t a memory, if this is just a twisted nightmare…then why do I remember that sense of panic…fear?

_“I am tied to you whether I like it or not,” She spat in my face causing me to flinch._

The hiker’s name was Paul. He was worried about me being young and in the middle of the woods alone. He thought I was lost. He went to give me some of the food in his backpack when I ripped out his throat. I found a picture of his family in his back pocket.

_“And I am counting down the days until they come to take you aw-“_

_There was a moment of silence only disrupted by the sound of our breathing. A hazy white filter seeped over her eyes as she straightened up and out of my space. When she met my eyes again, they were warm._

I recognized that look. That’s the Lamb.

_Gran sighed, a light smile on her face, “I’m sorry little Lamb. This,” She gestured at the body behind her, “is not your fault. You’re right, he does look like an innocent man, but I just can’t take any chances with our safety. We never get hikers around here so I jumped to conclusions. Why don’t you go inside and take a bath, huh? I’ll finish up out here and then we can take a walk to the pond.”_

_She ruffled my hair and my body relaxed as she seemingly returned to the Gran I knew. Exhausted from killing and dragging the man, I didn’t put much thought into what happened. We all had our bad days, right? I nodded and gave her a small smile before heading towards the bathroom inside._

The Lamb prevented her from saying or doing whatever she was planning. How many times did the Lamb save me from Gran? Was the Gran I knew really her…or was it the Lamb? If Gran knew the guild was coming to take me away…did she also know they were going to kill her? Why didn’t I remember this happening?

_As I drew the water for my bath, I looked out of the window to see Gran still working on the grave. I briefly lamented that I didn’t get to talk to Paul more. He had on a hat that looked a lot like the cowboy hats in a few of my books, only smaller. Maybe everyone wore those hats where he came from. Maybe I’ll get to go there sometime. My head was automatically filled with the possibilities of the world outside of the mountains._

_…_

“Doll, Wanda’s here,” Bucky’s voice sounded so far away at first and I turned over in an attempt to ignore it. My eyes finally opened when I felt his scruffy beard against my face as he repeatedly kissed all over it.

I groaned, lazily pushing him off, sitting up, and returning his smile. My mouth dropped when my dream – or my memory – came back to me. It was too real, too detailed to be a dream. I pushed away those thoughts for now to process later as I stood up and stretched.

“Everything go to plan?” I asked as I stepped into the dining room where Wanda sat along with Steve, Nat, and Fury.

Fury nodded and shot a pointed look to Wanda who responded, “Yes. I’ve seen the memories of the scene.”

I nodded, feeling Bucky standing behind me, “Is there any way to get those memories into my mind so I can look through them?”

Wanda hesitantly nodded and I could see the fear in her eyes regardless of how hard she tried to hide it. _She’s afraid to go into my mind again._ I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t exactly love the idea of someone entering my mind again. The Beast was firmly protesting it and trying to claw its way to the front, but this was too important for fear to get in the way.

“Why don’t you sit down?” Wanda said standing up and gesturing to her seat, “It may feel uncomfortable and confusing at first. Your mind may reject this process, but I will try my hardest to implant them.”

“Will it hurt her?” Bucky asked sitting down beside me and taking my hands in his.

Wanda shook her head, “It shouldn’t cause physical pain.”

I swallowed, noticing she said nothing about emotional pain, the only pain I couldn’t mend. Wanda looked over to Fury and he nodded. I breathed out as her cool fingertips connected with my forehead and closed my eyes.

Bits and pieces of scenes floated through my mind. Initially, I focused on holding the Beast back while dealing with the violating and uncomfortable feelings enveloping me. With a handle on the Beast, I tried to focus on the broken scenes in front of me. There was no audio, no inner thoughts or feelings attached to them. Wanda must have filtered them, or perhaps my mind rejected the full memories.

Everything was out of order at first, it was like an impossible puzzle and I didn’t know how to move any of the pieces to fit them together. I grew more and more frustrated as time ticked on.

“I’ve transferred everything,” Wanda said and I vaguely registered her fingertips being removed from my head.

“You okay?” Steve’s voice asked.

“Yeah, Doll,” Bucky added, “How are you feeling? Did it work?”

I nodded, only a fraction of my attention on them, “Yeah, I just have to sort it out. Might take me a while.”

“Okay, Fury and I will check with the others,” Steve replied, his chair lightly scraping as he stood up, “Bucky will stay with you.”

I felt myself nod again as Bucky lightly squeezed my hands. I set back to work on the memories. It was slow work and tedious keeping the foreign memory isolated from my own memories. My mind wanted to accept it as my own and add details to fill in the empty places, but I couldn’t let it get muddled.

I’m not sure how long I sat there, probably looking like I was staring into space, but I no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t piece the memory back together into one, coherent sequence. I settled for combing through the pieces one by one, scanning them for…well I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. Perhaps that’s what frustrated me the most.

_Black running shoes walking over uneven rubble. They look old, worn. The rubble pieces were mainly loose and moved around under the person’s feet._

_Scanning shot of the wall on which the logo is painted. The blood hasn’t dried in some places. Five drips are coming off of it and the ground below it has a few drops of blood as well. Walking up to the wall and scraping chips of blood into a plastic evidence bag._

_Looking through a camera lens at the wall. The camera suddenly jerks to the side, focusing on a stray cat limping through the rubble. After focusing on the cat for a moment, the camera then returns to the wall._

_Getting out of a car and pausing to look at the expanse of the blast site. First responders and firefighters are crawling around. Body bags are lifted into the back of an ambulance. Smoke and dust still linger in the air._

_The back of the logo wall is blank. The camera is lifted halfway to the face, but, after a pause, the camera is lowered back down. Walking up to the back of the wall, scraping the wall and collecting the debris in a plastic evidence bag._

_Walking parallel to the logo side of the wall. Viewpoint is slightly jerked. Looking down to see a water bottle crunched underneath right black running shoe. Right black running shoe kicks the bottle out of the way and looks up again._

_Checking the time on phone. Background is picture of black lab with blue –_

Wait. The water bottle. The bombs decimated an entire city block, but a plastic bottle survived? After a few moments of struggling, I located that same piece of memory again, combing over it much more precise. _Ozarka._ The brand of the water bottle was Ozarka. _Where have I heard that name before?_

…

_“Woah,” My tiny voice exclaimed, “Is this the whole world?”_

_I sat on the dining room table with an unfold map sprawled out in front of me. My curious eyes roamed the various lines and tiny printed names and numbers. It seemed huge._

_Gran chuckled from in front of the stove and glanced back at me, “Where did you find that old thing? And no, it’s only a tiny fraction of the whole world, little Lamb.”_

_“In the old desk,” I replied, my little finger now following one of the lines steadily, “Where are we on this thing? I don’t see our house.”_

_Gran came to stand next to me and leaned over the map with a gentle smile on her face, “If our house was big enough to see on this map, we’d be living in the biggest mansion in the world,” She chuckled and pointed her finger to a certain area on the map, “We live here. In the Ozark mountains.”_

_After her finger left that spot, my eyes stayed fixated on it. I squinted and leaned closer, half-expecting to see our house or at least the pond if I looked hard enough. I frowned when I couldn’t._

_“Wow, so, I could go anywhere on this map?” I marveled at the possibilities. The little names seemed to close. I could probably visit all of them in a few days, well maybe a few weeks. I looked back up at Gran, who wasn’t smiling anymore. She quickly took the map and threw it into the fire under the stove._

_I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off, “It’s outdated, little Lamb. Majority of those places don’t even exist anymore. If you would have followed that map, you would have gotten lost.”_

_I closed my mouth and begrudgingly nodded. It was nice to think about…even if for only a moment._

_…_

I came back into reality and was greeting by an empty seat beside me and yelling in the distance. I shot up, my claws sprang out just as Steve came running through the room with his shield in hand.

“What the fuck is happening?” I snapped before he could leave the room.

He stopped, “The safehouse is under attack.”

“How many?” I immediately asked, a growing pit of uneasiness in my stomach.

He looked at me slightly curiously, “Tony and Sam can see about a hundred soldiers, there may be more coming. All Hydra and all armed. You need to get armed and out there.”

With that, he took off. _Hydra?_ I quickly focused my senses and inwardly shuddered when I detected even more soldiers than Sam and Tony had estimated. I rushed towards the armory room. I needed to grab throwing knives and a few guns couldn’t hurt. As I ran through the living room, the front window suddenly exploded and glass sprinkling to the ground. A growl ripped through my throat as I turned to face the assailant but found no one. I looked down to see a red brick laying in the midst of the glass shards.

I walked over to it, numb to the glass slicing into my bare feet. With shaky fingers, I unfolded the note attached to it and my eyes reluctantly soaked up the words. Ten separate words to be exact along with a dark promise that they’ll work and a phone number. I ripped the part of the page that had the number out. Wordlessly and thoughtlessly, I found my “prototype” tactical suit and quickly shrugged it on, strapping my knives and guns in their place.

I breathed in as deeply as I could, catching the faintest whiff of Bucky’s scent as he and the others were out in the fields surrounding the house fighting. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stepped into the quinjet.

\--3rd Person POV—

“Where the hell is Kira?” Nat panted out as the rest of the team stood together outside, the ground around them littered with dead Hydra members.

“I thought she was with you,” Steve replied, still confused as to why the remaining soldiers suddenly fell back.

“Something doesn’t feel right,” Wanda muttered, as everyone’s heart suddenly fell into their stomach.

Everyone raced back to the house, Bucky beating out all of them. His screams for her name go unanswered in the eerily quiet house. His heart felt like it had stopped and was beating too fast all at the same time. He became frantic, jumping from room to room, only to confirm his fears.

“Guys, the quinjet is gone,” Tony stumbled into the living room.

“Track it’s location,” Steve ordered just as Clint found the crumbled-up note.

Clint scanned it, “These are your trigger words,” He looked up at Bucky who’s face paled slightly, “It says here, ‘We know about his rehabilitation in Wakanda, but we also know that the soldier is still lurking in his subconscious. Hydra may be incompetent in many aspects, but they certainly know how to leave an impression. All it takes is a little chemical help and the trigger words will work again. Your lover will be reduced to a heartless killing machine and it will break him, possibly while he breaks you. Meet us where your purpose was born and no harm will come to him or the rest of your friends. Call us when you’re on your way and we’ll retract our Hydra helpers. You have an old friend waiting for you. See you soon, Lamb, Beast, and Vessel.’”

Clint looked up at the others just as Bucky threw his fist through the flat screened television.

“Friday has the location turned off, it will take a little while to override it,” Tony muttered as he tapped away on his screen, “I’ve already sent for a second jet to come pick us up.”

Fury turned to Nat, who was processing everything and analyzing the next step.

“You know, she saw this as her fight from the beginning,” He stated, causing her to look up at him and he continued, “She said ‘they’re not gonna stop until I stop them’ not ‘we stop them’ or ‘until they’re stopped’.

Nat narrowed her eyes, “You think this was somehow her plan all along?” She spat out, fighting the urge to walk away from him. She didn’t need to deal with his bullshit right now.

Fury shook his head slowly, watching as Steve tried to calm Bucky down, “Not at all. I think I’m finally seeing why everyone seems to like her so much around here. She has the past of a villain but seems destined to be a hero.”

“Yeah, well let’s hope she doesn’t have to play too much into the hero role,” Nat sighed and walked over to help Steve prevent a very pissed Bucky from storming out and trying to walk to find Kira.

\--Kira POV—

I stood in the cockpit shaking like a leaf as I got off the call with a very automated sounding woman to tell her that I was on my way. I had set the autopilot to the coordinates from my memory and ordered Friday to turn off all tracking. I knew what had to be done. A swarm of emotions flooded through me as I grieved the life I could have had. I closed my eyes shut as I allowed myself a few more moments of wistful daydreams of me and Bucky living out our lives in a quaint cabin, adopting a farm of animals, kissing each other goodnight and good morning, saying “I love you” a thousand more times.

I opened my eyes.

I knew what lay ahead of me, but I was no longer afraid.

_He is worth it all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun...Dun...DUUUUUUN. The next chapter shall be a roller coaster with (hopefully) some unforeseen twists! Thank you so much for reading! Reading everyone's comments warms my heart ^_^


	18. Lots of Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle in, Ladies and Gents. A lot happens in this chapter. So sorry for the wait. If you are thinking of taking a college math course not only online, but in a condensed semester...don't. 2 out of 10 would not recommend.
> 
> This story is almost-ish over and I have big plans for Kira and Bucky :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and, as always, comments, feedback, and kudos are always appreciated.

The hours it took for the quinjet, travelling at full speed, to arrive at the mountains seemed like minutes. I had asked Friday where the tracking hardware was on the jet and ripped it out of the wall without hesitation, tearing it into shreds. There was no way any of the team would be able to catch the water bottle in the memories and, even if they did, they couldn’t know where it was leading them. I did everything I could to make sure they wouldn’t follow me. My heart broke at that realization, but I had to protect them. I still had a wisp of Bucky’s scent on me and I breathed in all I could. _I want nothing more than a future with you, Doll._ His voice echoed in my mind. I pushed back the tears brimming in my eyes.

The Lamb and the Beast were withdrawn at the moment and it felt like the calm before the storm. The air was knocked out of my lungs as the house, the small cabin Gran and I kept, came into view. Memories flooded into my mind, but my eyes quickly settled on the new, or at least new to me, addition to the land. In the field where the tall dancing grass once grew was a building, built from cement and shaped like a block with small and few windows. It looked invasive compared to the natural wooden cabin, which now looked tiny in comparison.

I felt my jaw tick and my finger tips itch as I also noticed the grass surrounding the building had been cut so low that it mixed in with the dirt and mud. I briefly wondered what else they had ruined before the quinjet shuddered slightly, signaling that it had landed. The Beast jumped to the forefront of my mind as my adrenaline grew. I tried to stifle the low growl rumbling in my chest as the door of the jet finally opened and I was greeted by a single man in a brown suit. He looked pleased to see me, his eyes momentarily darting behind me, scanning for others in the jet.

“I’m alone,” I spoke as evenly as I could. I could sense many others in the large building. I wondered why he didn’t have others with him. I fully expected a gun to be trained on me the second the jet opened. A flicker of light from the rooftop in my peripheral vision answered my question. _Snipers._

“I can’t tell you how happy I am to finally meet you,” The man smiled. He looked at me with a glimmer of awe in his eyes and it made my stomach churn. I forced my feet to walk closer to him, stepping off of the ramp. My claws slid out the closer I got to the man. It didn’t feel real. My mind was trying to convince myself that this was sort of dream…a nightmare.

“What now?” I heard my rough voice say as my eyes tried to read his excited expression further.

His smile widened, “The time has come. The Lamb and the Beast can be separated from their vessel.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and a cold sweat broke over my forehead as I urged the Beast not to react. I barely felt the pinches of the eight tranquilizer darts piercing into my flesh. This was my destiny all along and I could understand now, too late, that there was nothing I could have done to stop it. Darkness crept from the corners of my vision and my legs started to sway. I turned my head to the side, my blurry eyes focusing on one last figure waiting by the door of the complex before my mind was thrown into the darkness. My hazy mind immediately recognized them. _Gran?_

_…_

_I lazily rolled over, still half asleep, and softly grunted from the throbbing pain emanating from my chest wounds. They still weren’t completely healed from when I took them from Bucky and I reminded myself to move slower. Bruce was already on my case enough about me potentially ripping open the stiches again._

_As my mind woke up more, I became aware of the weight draped over my hips and the heat against my front. I cracked my eyes open and smiled as Bucky softly snored in front of me, strands of his hair were caught on the stubble of his beard. The early morning light filtered through the large windows and provided enough light for my eyes to greedily soak in his features._

_With a gentle touch, I moved his hair from his face and he responded by unconsciously pulling my hips closer against him and releasing a small puff of air from his lips. A smile grew on my lips and I nuzzled my face and head into his chest, basking in his warmth and scent._

_As sleep began to slowly seep over my mind again, I wondered what it would have been like to meet him before Hydra, before the train, before the war. From Steve’s stories, Bucky was quite the ladies magnet, always knowing what to say and do to get their attention. He was a fighter and was drafted, but he never wanted to go to war. It made me wonder what his life would have looked like if he was able to pick his own path._

_What would mine be like if I was able to do the same? Bucky muttered softly in his sleep above me, his flesh hand reaching up and clumsily rubbing my back a few moments before stilling again, still draped over me. A small smile played on my lips. I decided that, even if I did have the chance to turn back time and to pick my own path, I wouldn’t change anything. All the pain and suffering, all the loss and heartbreak, everything led me to this moment. Safe in his arms. It was worth it._

_My eyes fell closed again and I let the steady sound of his heartbeat lull me back to sleep._

_…_

I came to with a jolt to a piercing howl and it took a few seconds for me to realize that it was coming from my mouth. My claws were already unsheathed as my body instinctively thrashed against my restraints. As the fog lifted from my mind some more, my eyes snapped open, taking in the thick metal cuffs tying my wrists, forearms, waist, calves, ankles, and neck to the metal table I was stuck on. _Shit._ I tried in vain to cut through the metal cuff on my wrist with my claws, but the metal was too thick. It would take me too long to cut through even if I could reach all of it and even then, I would still be cuffed at the forearm.

My senses told me there were plenty of people close, right on the other side of the large metal door of the small, bare room I was in. I knew it was useless, but I could stop fighting against the restraints. My insides crawled and itched at my helpless state as the Beast growled and roared inside of me. The Lamb worked against it, trying to soothe the Beast while healing the bones that snapped during my thrashing. I couldn’t feel the pain, I could only feel terror gripping at the edges of my vision. The hinges on the metal door screeched softly as it opened, and her scent made my body and mind freeze as my eyes met her familiar brown ones. She approached my side with an odd smile on her lips.

“Gran?” I heard my own voice choke out, my eyes scanning her while my blood ran cold.

She looked…different. Maybe it was my own memories betraying me, but she looked older. More wrinkles donned her face and hands and her hair was thinner. She once stood tall, even lecturing me on my own posture from time to time, but, now, she hunched slightly. _She looks…frail?_ The skin under her eyes drooped. My eyes searched hers, looking for the kind light that always glinted in them. I found nothing.

“Hello, little Lamb,” She spoke, placing a warm hand on my arm.

“Gran?” I repeated, disbelief evident in my tone, “H-how?”

Her expression was something of pity as she replied, “It was necessary. You had to go with the Guild and I couldn’t follow. As much as I – “

I cut her off, tears now brimming in my eyes, “I saw you get shot in the head. Y-you didn’t have the Lamb anymore…H-how did you..?”

She smiled, smoothing her hand over my forearm, “The Lamb changed me permanently. Once it left, I kept some degree of its abilities. I suppose it was a gift for housing the Lamb and completing my duties,” She paused for a moment, “I age now, just much slower, and I can still heal myself to a certain degree. The abilities were stronger for a few years after the separation. Through time, they’ve faded into what I have now. I certainly can’t heal a shot to the head now,” She chuckled lightly, “It will be the same for you, little Lamb, when the Lamb and the Beast leave you.”

My heart constricted at that thought. I reached out in my mind to them, a small wave of relief flooding me as I found them still in the corners of my mind. They were waiting and oddly quiet again.

“What will happen to me?” I whispered, tears now falling over my cheeks. I felt like I was a little girl again, leaning on Gran for guidance. She gently brushed the tears from my face and I leaned into her touch.

“The Guild will perform a releasing ceremony. The Lamb and the Beast will leave you,” She spoke as if she was reciting from a script, “Then you will live out the rest of your life here.”

I shook my head, it all sounded like a foreign concept, “What will happen to them?”

Gran tutted and brushed a strand of my hair off of my forehead, “You don’t have to worry about that, little Lamb. We can live in the cabin again, you can draw by the pond, read all of your books again. Nothing in the cabin has changed…your room is exactly how you left it, little Lamb. Everything has been waiting for you. I’ve been waiting for you.”

I swallowed, knowing it was too good to be true. I couldn’t help the urge to jump at the offer. My mind drifted to the happy memories made here, the ghost of them replaying in my mind. Gran started idly talking about our life back then, but I was only half-listening. I thought about the memories I uncovered recently, the ones I didn’t remember I had. It showed my old haven, the cabin, the mountains, and Gran, in a darker light.

It made me realize that the memories I chose to keep…didn’t show the full picture. They created a fairy tale, much like the fantasies I had about the outside world so long ago.

“I fell in love,” I heard my voice cut through her talking, surprising both of us. I didn’t understand why I had the urge to tell her. I found my eyes studying her, gauging her reaction.

Her expression faltered, only for a second, before her usual warm smile stretched across her lips. Sadness swam in her eyes as she looked at me.

“I’m sorry,” She spoke softly after a moment, glancing at the door as if she thought her time with me was up, “I never asked for this…and I spent decades being bitter. But you didn’t ask for this either and it took me longer than I’d like to admit to realize that.”

She looked into my eyes as she spoke and I saw a glimpse of the Gran I used to know. Her hand reached for mine and I held onto it gently, fresh tears brimming both of our eyes. The metal door opened and a few people rushed in, their scent flooding my senses, but I maintained eye contact with the same brown eyes I looked into when I was little.

“I love you, little Lamb,” She said as hands tried to pull her away, “You were worth it.”

A strangled sob broke through my lips as her hand left mine. I barely felt the pinch of a needle in my neck and soon, the tense muffled conversation around me started to drift in and out.

“…should be enough to keep her out until the ceremony is over.”

“…need to get this done before the Avengers……-uin everything.”

“Get that Hydra doctor on standby just in case they…”

Finally, darkness overtook me once more.

-3rd Person POV-

“We’ll get her back, Buck,” Steve stated, trying to sound confident for his old friend as he watched him stand motionless in the back of the jet.

Bucky exhaled behind his mask, his eyes piercing a hole through the floor of the jet. Every atom of his being was pulsing with emotion. Rage, fear, grief, panic. He couldn’t look Steve in the eyes. He didn’t want to be calmed down. He didn’t want to be sensible. He pushed back his emotions, willing himself to become cold and calculated.

“We’re about 20 minutes out,” Nat’s voice cut through the tension in the air, “Everyone get ready.”

The team bustled about the jet, collecting weapons, checking gear and coms. Bucky still didn’t move. He had been ready since they left the safe house.

“Hold on, Doll,” He muttered to himself, too softly for even Steve to hear.

-Kira POV-

_I groaned as I sat up, blinking a few times and rubbing my head. I felt weirdly…disconnected. I gasped as my eyes finally registered where I was. I was sitting in the tall grass, it brushed against my shoulder as a gentle breeze blew it. I stood up quickly, spinning around to see the grass extending as far as the horizon in every direction._

_“What?” I heard my voice ask. It echoed slightly._

_“Hello Kira,” A musical, smooth voice said behind me and I whipped around._

_My mouth hung open slightly from shock. It was them._

_The Lamb’s body was bathed in soft, white light and its golden eyes were staring at me gently. The Beast sat down beside the Lamb, its black eyes meeting my gaze tentatively. I felt nothing but a rush of comfort and familiarity._

_The Lamb smiled, glancing to the Beast, “See? I told you she wouldn’t be afraid.”_

_The Beast grumbled in a thick, gravelly deep voice, “She should be.”_

_“What’s…going on?” I asked, once again finding my voice, “Where am I?”_

_“We thought you would be most comfortable here,” The Lamb replied, “We need to talk.”_

_“It’s time for us to leave you,” The Beast said abruptly in a snarl, but quickly added, “Not now. But soon.”_

_I felt a panic start to rise in my chest. I dropped to my knees._

_“What Beast means,” The Lamb soothed, slowly approaching me, “Is that the Guild will try to separate us, but we will fight it. They wish to harness our power and use it as a weapon to create a new order in the world. We’ll do everything we can to get you out of this situation.”_

_The Lamb knelt beside me and I felt my fear ebb away as I looked into its golden eyes._

_“The Guild is right about one thing though,” The Beast sighed, padding closer as well, “It is time for us to separate. Both of us are strong enough.”_

_I found myself shaking my head, “No.”_

_The Beast sat in front of me, its eyebrows furrowed, and without a second thought, I threw my arms around its black mane. It tensed for a moment, but quickly relaxed as a content growl bubbled in its chest._

_“I can’t – “ I breathed out, my fingers grabbing at the matted fur, “You can’t leave me.”_

_The Lamb watched as I clung to the Beast for a moment before saying, “I’ll leave you two to speak alone.”_

_I knew without looking that the Lamb had disappeared as my full panic returned to me._

_“I have to,” The Beast said after a moment and I straightened up to look into its eyes, my own wrecked appearance reflected to me through them._

_“You’ve been there from the beginning,” I shook my head, trying to will away my tears, “You’ve protected me. Protected my family. I’m not me without you.”_

_The Beast sighed, leaning forward to rest its forehead against mine._

_“I’ve made you do horrible things. Things you would never do on your own. We’ve…I’ve kept you from a normal life. A life you long for. It’s time you get to live the life you deserve,” It spoke, the low pitch of its voice rumbling through my head, “I will bring you nothing but more heartache. It is in my nature.”_

_“No,” my voice was small in comparison, “You may be strong enough to leave me, but I’m not strong enough to be without you.”_

_“Kira,” The Beast leaned back again, looking into my eyes, “Like you said, I have been there with you from before your first breath. I know you, perhaps even better than you know yourself. I know you long for the fighting in your mind to end, to live as your own person without our influence and to be safe from the dangers we bring.”_

_I sighed, closing my eyes. It was right, we both knew it. But why did I still feel the urge to cling onto the Beast? To beg and plead for something I know can’t happen?_

_“Saying goodbye is hard,” The Lamb appeared next to us again and my shoulders slumped, “We could never thank you enough for all you’ve went through for us.”_

_The Beast perked up suddenly, “We need to go. They’re trying to separate us. I can feel it.”_

_I felt it too. The disconnected feel grew steadily stronger._

_“What will happen,” I asked suddenly, “When you do finally leave me?”_

_“I think this plane of existence deserves a break from us for a while,” The Lamb smiled gently, “But you don’t need to worry about us. Your love has arrived for you. You need to wake up for him.”_

_Love. Bucky. How did they find me? And how did they get here so fast? I wondered how long I had been out. My gaze drifted back to the Beast. I again threw my arms around its mane, trying to memorize how the course hair felt._

_“Thank you.”_

_“You’re welcome, child.”_

…

Screaming. Gunfire. Explosions. A flurry of scents and sounds greeted me as my eyes snapped open. I was still laying bound to the metal table, but the table was in a different room, one with various science equipment. A tube was hooked up to my wrist, an inky black substance slowly trickling into me. I immediately noticed that I was surrounded by Hydra soldiers who all had their guns trained on the thick metal door. They were waiting for someone.

Through the chaos, I picked up familiar scents. _The team._ But I also picked up a scent that made my blood run cold. _Winter. Not Bucky. Winter._

My heart ignited with a boiling fury that sent a bellowing roar through my lips that seemed to shake the very foundation of the building. The soldiers turned and gunfire lit up the room as my claws grew several inches longer than normal, allowing me to slice through the metal. I snapped the bones in my arm, giving me the flexibility to cut through the cuff on my forearm as well. From there, everything happened quickly.

Soon, I was standing in a room with 12 dead soldiers, the bullet holes that riddled my body were already closing. I took off out of the room, digging my claws into the floor to propel myself faster. I targeted in on Winter’s scent, ignoring the mayhem and death around me.

I burst through the doors of the building, quickly finding Steve in the fight and slicing through the necks of his attackers.

“Bucky…” He stammered as we fought off more soldiers together, “Trigger words worked. They’re keeping me away from him.”

I had noticed how the hoard of Hydra kept coming at us in waves.

“Where?” I hissed, snapping another neck.

He nodded in a direction, “Behind the complex. Go.”

I raced off again, only feeling slight guilt for leaving Steve. I dodged Hydra left and right, only vaguely feel hands grabbing at me or bullets piercing me. My breath was knocked out of me when I laid eyes on him. He was standing at attention beside a person that I had hoped to never see again. _Doctor._ His beady eyes seemed delighted to see me and I struggled not to throw up as my stomach churned. The rest of the team was sitting or laying around them. Nat was laying face down, clearly unconscious and her breathing was shallow. Bruce’s tattered clothes held the evidence of the Hulk, but he was slumped over, knocked out as well. Tony was in his suit, without the helmet and was laying on his side. Hydra probably used the same trick as last time to disable his suit. Every else was sitting or slumped with their hands and ankles bound. Everyone looked half dead, beaten and battered.

I stood up as I grew closer. Doctor’s smile widened.

“How nice to see you again,” He purred, taking his hands out of his lab coat that he always wore to cross his arms over his chest proudly. Beside him stood the man who greeted me off of the quinjet, looking slightly annoyed at the Doctor.

“Winter,” I spoke, locking eyes with him. His clear blue eyes were once again devoid of emotion. He scanned me, looking for weapons. He didn’t find any, they took them from my suit before restraining me.

“Ah,” Doctor spoke, “You recognize that the Soldier is back. Good, good. I must say that I was left feeling a little hurt when you left us. You were always so interesting to study. Shame we have to trade you for the Soldier.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, but a sense of calm rushed over the panicked feeling. I smirked as I saw the man signal a few soldiers behind him and multiple tranquilizer darts shot into my chest and stomach. Something inside my mind told me that they wouldn’t work this time. The Lamb was actively fighting the drugs. I simply pulled them all out, dropping them at my bare feet.

Both the man and the Doctor looked shocked; Winter stayed unmoving. The man frowned and I saw the glint of curiosity flash through the Doctor’s eyes. A glint I used to dread seeing and the ghost of terror and dread triggered an idea.

I shrugged, “A lot has changed since you last saw me, Doctor. I can heal others now too by taking their wounds then healing them on my body. I can also convince others to share things with me they normally wouldn’t and calm them down.”

“Fascinating,” He replied, looking at the man beside him.

“Enough,” The man said, taking out a gun and pointing it at Sam’s head, “Go back inside or your friends will die.”

“Don’t do it, Kira,” Sam coughed out, grimacing when the closest soldier kicked his side.

I shrunk back, putting my hands up. I glanced at the Doctor, who was still studying me. _Take the fucking bait. Come on._ I slowly stepped backwards, trying to convey defeat on my face.

“Kill him,” The Doctor ordered and within seconds, the man had a bullet between his eyes. “Bring the Captain over,” He ordered in a walkie talkie, his eyes never leaving me.

Soon, five soldiers drug Steve over, who was now handcuffed in much thicker cuffs and had chains wrapped around him. He was panting, his lips were busted and one eye was swollen shut. He looked at me with sorrow after they dropped him beside Sam.

“You okay, Cap?” Sam asked softly. Steve nodded, his eyes never leaving mine. They were pleading, hoping I had a plan.

I looked over at Wanda, whose face was scrunched in pain. Her ankle bone was sticking out. Clint didn’t far much better. His breathing was ragged and I suspected that he had a punctured lung with how his breathing sounded. My eyes eventually fell onto Winter. It was odd to have him wear the face of the man I love.

“Now,” The Doctor spoke to me again after dealing with something over the walkie talkie, “The deal with the Guild is off. You will return home with us. The question is if you will return peacefully. Or if we will have to harm your dear friends. The choice is yours.”

“I’ll go anywhere Winter goes,” I responded.

“No!” Steve said, “Stop, Kira. Bucky wouldn’t want this.”

I sighed, walking over to him under the watchful eye of the Doctor and Winter. I knelt down to him.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” I sighed, “But we lost. If I have a choice…I’ll always choose him. Can I have one last handshake?”

I straightened up, extending my hand to him, pleading at him to take it. He reluctantly did. His skin always surprised me with how soft it was and warm, like Bucky’s. With a subtle flick, I cut about halfway through the metal of the cuff. It was, hopefully, enough for him to break through. He realized this and after his hand left mine, he subtly twisted his wrist to hide the cut. I feigned a sad smile, telling him to wait with my eyes.

“Enough sentiment,” The Doctor sighed, rolling his eyes. He then barked out an order in Russian to Winter to restrain me.

He stepped forward quickly, but I was quicker, rolling away from him and seizing the Doctor. I wrapped one arm around his front, gripping him to me as I placed my fingertips against the thick vein pulsing on his neck. Winter lunged towards me, but the Doctor halted him.

“What do you want? You want your friends to go free?” The Doctor stammered out, his heartrate climbing as I pressed harder against his neck.

I swallowed as Winter’s piercing gaze never left mine. _Winter never hurt me._ My own words echoed in my mind, calling back the memory of Bucky once in Doctor’s position.

“Order him to kill me,” I spoke, my voice surprisingly even, “Tell him that I am his mission.”

The Doctor tried to protest and I could see Steve squirm from the corner of my eye. He knew I had some sort of plan. It must have been killing him to wait, but he trusted me. I let the tip of my claws unsheathe, digging into his skin when he finally relented.

Once the orders fell from his mouth, I snapped his neck. Winter fell into action and I bolted into the forest, ignoring the bullets following me. Without thinking, I led us to the pond that was now dried up. He was hot on my heels so when I stopped, he quickly tackled me to the ground, pinning me against the earth. His eyes were cold as his metal hand gripped my neck, cutting off my airflow. I wrenched a hand free from the grasp of his flesh hand and clawed off his mask to reveal his expressionless face. I smoothed my palm over his jaw and his grip on my neck loosened for a moment, before he slowly released it, reaching up to remove my hand from his face. I sucked in breath and watched as he slowly placed my hand back under his flesh one.

“Little one,” He muttered, recognition slowly creeping over his expression.

“Winter,” I responded, a sad smile on my face.

He took out a long knife with his metal hand, a frown on his face, “I have to.”

I breathed out, “You’ll have to sever my head completely. I can heal a lot of fatal wounds, but I don’t think I’d be able to come back from that.”

He looked down at me with a hint of surprise in his eyes.

“Why would you help me kill you?” He husked out, his eyes boring deep into mine.

“Because you won’t.”

He seemed confused by my confidence, “I have to.”

“But you won’t,” I replied softly, tugging my hands gently from his grasp. To my relief he let me. I tucked a stray hair that fell out of his bun behind his ear.

“How do you know?”

I met his eyes again but said nothing. My palm reached up and pressed against the back of his neck, pulling his face towards mine. He leaned down, his lips ghosting over mine as I gave him a moment to pull away. He remained still, not pulling away but not pressing his lips against mine either.

“Your touch was the only one that never hurt,” He murmured pressing his forehead against mine, his metal hand dropped the knife to cup my cheek.

I swallowed as tears stung my eyes yet again. I pressed my palms against his chest, smoothing the material, sliding up to cup his jaw.

“Goodbye, Little One,” His lips barely pressed against mine.

“Goodbye, Winter,” I whispered as he fell on his side beside me, his eyes closing.

I stared at him as I laid beside him, waiting. His scent was slowly changing back into Bucky’s. After a few moments, his eyes opened again, this time filled with confusion and panic. His body jolted upright, his eyes scanning around him before they fell to me. A relieved smile erupted on his face.

“Doll?” He choked out, grabbing me and wrapping his arms around me tight, “Thank God. Holy fuck. What the hell happened? Where are we? Where is everyone?”

I silenced his questions by pressing my lips against his, taking a moment to pour every ounce of love I felt for him into it before pulling back.

“I’ll explain later. But now we have to go help the team. Come on,” I jumped up.

We ran back to the complex, noting that all the team members were still in fighting condition were now out of their restrains and battling against the Hydra army. The Beast pleading at me to let it take over and I had the feeling it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Get everyone to the quinjet,” I told Bucky, who gave me an odd look.

He opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off, “Trust me, Darling. A lot has changed in a very short time. I’ll be fine.”

He looked like he wanted to argue more, but instead, he pulled me into another kiss before running off. I watched patiently as one by one, each member retreated.

“Wanna show them what the Beast can do?” I asked into the air around me, smirking.

The Beast lunged forward; a hefty growl erupted in my chest in response. I nodded and breathed out slowly, letting the Beast take over.

What followed was a flurry of limbs, blood, gunfire, and screams. After what was probably hours, but seemed like minutes, an entire army lay slain at my feet. I got everyone I could, though a few helicopters did manage to retreat. My suit was tattered and I was covered in blood as I joined the others on the porch of the cabin. The jet had taken the more injured members already, but another one was on its way to us.

“I don’t know if I’ve said it before, “Sam said from the rocking chair as I slumped onto Bucky’s lap as he sat on the steps, “But I’m glad you’re on our side.”

I breathed out a laugh, “Me too. You guys alright?”

“We’ll be fine,” Steve said with a smile as he sat on the other end of the steps, leaning on the railing.

“We have company,” Sam muttered and we all looked towards the complex.

My eyes landed on Gran’s figure slowly walking towards us. I sighed. During the fight, she was hiding alone in the complex. When I made my way through, killing everyone who tried to hide, I had left her room alone. Something inside of me spared her, even in a Beast state of mind. I slowly got off of Bucky, sending him a reassuring smile when he tried to stand with me.

“Come on, man,” Sam said, “She’s an old woman. Kira can handle it.”

Bucky grumbled but sat back down. I walked over to her, taking in her sad eyes.

“Is that him?” She asked, her voice slightly breathy from the walk, and gestured behind me towards Bucky.

The corners of my mouth slightly curled upward as I nodded. A small smile played on her lips. I took in how tired she looked as she met my eyes again.

“You finally got your adventure,” Her light chuckles sounded slightly forced and I breathed out a laugh in response.

“I did,” I agreed, rubbing the back of my neck, a habit I must have picked up from Steve.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, “I think I’m at the end of mine.”

“What will you do now?” I asked after a pause of hesitation. A gentle breeze picked up around us, blowing wisps of her white hair across her forehead and making the ends of my ponytail tickle my shoulders. My chest tightened at the relief evident in her warm, brown eyes as her gaze met mine again.

“As I said,” Her lips wore an almost playful smile, “I can no longer survive a shot to the head.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and roll under my jaw. I had cried more today than I have in my entire life. She gently pulled me into her arms and I clung to her as tightly as I dared. She felt bony and light, as if she would blow away at any moment. It was a direct contrast to the strong, stern woman she was in my memories. I breathed in her scent and a silent sob racked my chest as I realized that it too, was stronger in my memories. Her hands rubbed small circles in my back as she held me.

“You’ve become so strong, little Lamb,” She said, “In another life, I would have enjoyed every minute of being your grandmother.”

I stopped breathing as the hairs on the back of my neck tingled and my eyes widened.

“More members of the Guild are on their way,” She continued though her voice began to crack. I hadn’t noticed how one of her hands had retreated from my back, but I certainly noticed the barrel of a gun pressed against my stomach, pointed towards Bucky behind me. The bullet would shoot straight through me and hit Bucky. My body became rigid. We were too far away for Bucky’s enhanced hearing to hear what was happening.

“Gran,” I whimpered, an unspoken plea laced into my voice and her body trembled.

“It can’t be for nothing,” Her words were forced out of her mouth, “All the decades living with this curse.”

She took a shaky breath in, “I’m so sorry. I’m so s-so sorry. I spent so much time resenting and blaming you for this, but I know…I understand that you were just as much of a pawn as I was…and am.”

“You don’t have to do this,” I whispered, finally finding my voice again.

She shook her head, “I do. One day you’ll understand that this has to be the end. One day you’ll forgive me.”

I breathed out, closing my eyes and letting my reflexes take over. Before she could register my arm moving, I snatched the gun out of her grip, stepping back to point it between her eyes. _Too easy._ I heard Bucky and Steve start to stand up, but I held up a hand to them without looking back to make them wait back.

“Why?” I demanded, a faint snarl in my voice. Gran looked at me, her shoulders slightly lifting as if a weight had been lifted off of them. Her own tears were streaming down her face.

“Do you ever wonder what life would have been like without the Lamb and the Beast?” She asked, ignoring my question. When I didn’t answer, she continued, “I have. Every day since you were born. I would have watched you and your brothers grow up together, watched my daughter and her husband grow old. I would have died before you grew into an adult.”

“And I would have loved you just as fiercely as I loved the rest of our family,” She smiled softly, “I’d like to think the rest of our family is waiting for me somewhere and they’ve been waiting for a long time.”

I swallowed as my finger tightened on the trigger, the gun slightly wavering in my grip. _Our family, she said._ The people she talked about was not my family. My mind instantly conjured images of the team in reference to the word. I didn’t know the woman standing in front of me, not really. The woman I loved like a mother disappeared when the Lamb left her body and the shell standing before me just wanted to go home, to her family.

“It’s okay,” She whispered.

I took one last look into her eyes. I couldn’t help but search them. I nodded once, willing my emotions to harden, before pulling the trigger. The shot made my ears ring and the soft thud of her frail body hitting the ground made me wince. I didn’t need to look to know that it was a clean shot in between her eyes, eyes that now probably were glazed over and fixed open. My body shuddered as I dropped the gun, my legs giving out as my knees hit the ground.

Strong arms enveloped me as the world started spinning around me. Everything that had happened in such a short time hadn’t hit me yet. I felt like I was living in a dream or in some sort of disconnected reality.

“It’s okay, Doll,” Bucky’s sweet voice reached my ears, “I got you.”

…

I sat between Bucky and Steve in the meeting room. I slid the crude blueprints over to Tony and Bruce, who were sitting on the other side of the table. Fury stood behind them and all three sets of eyes scanned the paper, taking in its contents.

“I’m guessing no one taught you how to use a ruler,” Tony muttered while inspecting the blueprints, causing me to roll my eyes. The team was just starting to recover from the Guild disaster and I was still tense, waiting for the gravity of what all had happened to hit me. I had a new mission and a promise to the entities that lived within me to fulfill.

“What would this do again?” Bruce spoke up, adjusting his glasses.

I sighed and Bucky’s hand moved to squeeze my knee, trying to soothe my nerves.

“It will separate the Lamb and the Beast from me,” I answered, “They’ll be free. And I’ll be free of them.”


	19. And the Adventure Truly Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it ladies and gents! This is the final chapter. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading. I have a few more stories but I don't know when they'll get posted. 
> 
> Warnings: smut

Wakanda was simply breathtaking. There was something about the combination of the gorgeous and thriving natural landscape with the seeming space-aged technology and structures that made it seem like a place out of a utopian novel.

As much as I would like to enjoy some sight-seeing, we weren’t here on vacation. Originally, I was planning on coming here on my own since I didn’t really know how this whole process was going to go. However, that plan didn’t remain in place for long as the entire team immediately made plans to come with after checking that it was okay with King T’Challa to have extra guests.

The blueprints were quickly deemed too advanced even for Tony and Bruce to build, which led to the team reluctantly reaching out to T’Challa and, more specifically, his sister Shuri. After some lengthy negotiations and explanations, it had taken months to build. Months that seemed to drag on for years. I was grounded from any missions, even though no major ones came up, as my fluctuating powers were deemed too unstable by Fury and Steve and was backed by further tests by Bruce.

One moment, it seemed like I was some sort of Goddess and the next I felt completely empty, both the Lamb and the Beast retreating to the back corners of my mind. The dissonance it created inside of me grew exhausting.

Though the passing months were grueling – waiting had never been one of my strong suits – it was worth the small sliver of peace I enjoyed with Bucky. For at least a month after the big battle, he refused to leave my side, almost as if he was worried that I would disappear again. We were able to go on dates _without_ surprise explosions. My favorite was when he took me to Coney Island and, after I got over the initial bombardment of bright sights, strong scents, and noisiness, I made him take me back twice more. Each time, he would win a stuffed animal for me and I would convince the ride operator to let us stay on the ferris wheel for extra turns.

Now, I was gripping his flesh hand and leaning against this shoulder as we sat on a bench in Shuri’s lab. Tony and Bruce were talking to her about the schematics of the machine while Steve was standing beside them, nodding along with slight confusion. Nat, Clint, and Sam were somewhere with Okoye.

“You okay, Doll?” Bucky’s voice was low as he kissed the top of my head and smoothed his thumb over my knuckles.

I gave a small sigh, “Yeah. I’m just…” My voice trailed off as I eyed the large machine.

“Hey,” He murmured, using his metal hand to lift up my chin so my eyes met his clear, blue eyes. His stubble had grown into a thin beard, making him look older and – if possible – sexier. “We’re all here for you, okay? Shuri knows what she’s doing and there’s a failsafe in place if things go sideways. Nothing to worry about.”

A small smile graced my lips before I lightly pecked them against his.

“I’m more afraid of who…or what…I’ll be afterwards,” I admitted in a small voice, my thoughts trailing back to Gran.

He shook his head, grabbing both of my hands in his, “No matter what happens, none of us are leaving your side. Even if you lose yourself through this, you’ll be surrounded by people who will remind you who you are,” His lips stretched into a smirk, “And besides, you’re stuck with me, Doll. Even if you come out of that thing with scales and a tail, I’m not going anywhere.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes at him even though I couldn’t suppress my smile.

“I love you,” I whispered, enjoying how his eyes still lit up at the words even though we’ve exchanged them many times over the last few months. It still amazed me how easily those words slipped from my lips.

“I love you too,” He grinned, pulling my hand to his lips to plant a soft kiss on my knuckles.

“Oh god, I’m actually going to be sick,” Tony’s voice burst our little bubble and we both looked up at him with scowls. He clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “Time to get this show on the road, Beastly.”

He spoke with his usual bravado, but the slight concern in his eyes betrayed his confidence. Panic rose inside of me, but Shuri walked over with a warm smile.

“Are you ready?” She asked gently.

Bucky squeezed my hand and I exhaled slowly before nodding. _It was time._

…

I tried to slow my heartrate as Tony and Shuri spoke in low tones to each other while pointing things out on her transparent tablet. I glanced up at the rest of the team on the observation deck of the lab, quickly finding those familiar blue eyes. He smiled reassuringly to me while Steve put a hand on his shoulder. _He looks just about as nervous as I was._

“So just like we talked about,” Shuri suddenly addressed me, “You’ll be shut in the cradle, but you’ll be able to hear me just fine. I’ll give you a countdown before starting,” She grimaced slightly, “We don’t really know how long this will take or what it will feel like. For all of my research into the Lamb and the Beast, there’s no accounts of the separation being done…by this machine,” She gestured at the cradle and the rings around it.

“So this can either be really cool or really tragic,” Tony helpfully supplied, to which I rolled my eyes.

He led me to the open door of the cradle, an ominously casket-shaped capsule which contained more advanced technology than the entire Stark Tower. He stopped to look at me and it was odd to see him with words on the tip of his tongue that he couldn’t seem to force out. His usual bravado faded away and concern laced his features.

I waited patiently until he finally settled on, “Listen, Cujo I…” before faltering.

“Worried that you’ll have to figure out new nicknames for me after this is over?” I asked, purposefully cutting through the tension and I smiled as his lips quirked upwards.

“Of course not. Nicknames are my specialty.”

“I thought that was Physics and Electronic Engineering?” I raised an eyebrow.

He scoffed, “Another one of my specialties is having multiple specialties.”

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his waist in a hug, his scent comforting as he returned it tightly.

“Just…uh, come back to us, okay?” He muttered near my ear, “I mean, who the hell else is going to demand I eat, sleep, and function like a regular person?”

I sighed, “Literally everyone does.”

He released me and his eyes met mine, “True, but I only listen to you. Well,” He tilted his head, “and Pepper when she gets into a yelly mood. But mostly just you.”

We shared a smile and I nodded. There were so many things I needed and wanted to say, to him and all the others. But both Nat and Steve made it clear that there were not to be any goodbyes. I felt everyone’s eyes on me, gauging my reactions and mood. Shuri built the machine but the blueprints came from my mind…well, the entities in my mind. If I seemed confident in this process, then the others tried to feel so as well.

So, instead of pouring my heart out, I gave everyone one last thumbs up and promised Tony that I would be fine. _Would I be?_ I stepped into the cradle and Tony reluctantly closed the door. A slight hissing and clunk sounded out as it locked and panic started to rise in my chest before I heard Shuri’s positive tone.

“Can you hear me?” I saw her lips move through the small window at the same time I heard the audio.

“Yeah,” I said, swallowing what felt like a huge lump in my throat.

“Good,” She responded, “I’m going to start the countdown, okay?”

I heard my voice agree shortly before it started. I numbly listened to the numbers as she counted down from 10, my panic spiking after each one. _This is a terrible idea._ And this was a terrible time to be having second thoughts. I squeezed my eyes shut as she spoke the final digits, flinching when the rings around the cradle whirred to life and starting spinning.

Lights from the rings flashed through the small window, reminding me of passing under streetlights in a car at night. Their soft light grew brighter, flashing so fast that it remained a constant blinding light. I briefly heard the muffled sound of Shuri’s voice before silence fell, even taking away my pounding heartbeat in my ears.

I gasped, opening my eyes to find myself once again in the field of tall grass. I slowly exhaled as my fingertips reached out to graze the tips of the grass. I quickly retracted my hand as a breeze blew through, making the plants sway in rhythm.

I was compelled to look up, aiming my gaze at the far edge of the field, where the cabin once was. My eyes locked onto two figures, the Lamb and the Beast, standing beside one another and looking back at me. A small, bittersweet smile tugged onto my lips. The Lamb moved their hand out in a graceful wave and the breeze around me immediately reacted, whipped through the area. My eyes wandered around me and my smile grew as I watched the tall grass dance, just as it used to do.

I let out a laugh in disbelief, spinning around and raising my arms to orchestrate the rolling and swaying ocean of green around me. Happiness burst inside of me, cutting through my fear and sadness as I suddenly felt like a child again. Things were so simple when the grass used to dance. After a few minutes, the air around me stilled once more, causing me to look back up at them. Only then did I notice the tears that were slowly rolling down my cheeks. They were slightly farther away from me, but I could still see the slight nods they both gave me. I understood what it was…a goodbye. I felt myself nod back, a mixture of emotions swirling inside of me. Then the lights went out.

They were free.

I was free.

…

1 Year Later…

“Are you sure this is the right place?” I spoke into the coms to Nat, who was monitoring the radar in the Quinjet about a mile away.

I narrowed my eyes at the quaint little cabin in the middle of a clearing in a thick forest. It certainly didn’t scream Hydra or other nefarious organizations, but perhaps that was the point. I focused my senses, trying to detect anything off or odd. My abilities had certainly changed and dulled since the Lamb and the Beast left my body, but I still retained a few skills. My reflexes were still quicker than the normal persons and my instincts, which raised the hair on the back of my neck when something triggered it, came in handy during multiple missions.

I was no longer invincible, which took quite a while to get used to and caused both Steve and Bucky a few heart attacks, but I could still heal myself, albeit slower and I wouldn’t want to try it on fatal wounds. I can accelerate the healing of others too, but it took a lot out of me. I was aging again which was exciting and terrifying at the same time. I no longer had claws or sharpened canines, which took even longer to get used to, but growls still escaped me when I was especially pissed off. Tony was the first to find that out.

“Yep,” She replied after a moment, “I already checked it twice. Doesn’t look like it’s still occupied. Just take a look around and we can get out of here.”

I sighed and carefully started to approach the cabin, a hand on the gun at my hip just in case. After circling around it, I silently walked up the steps to the covered porch. A frown fell onto my lips as I noticed that the building must have been recently worked on. I could still faintly smell a new layer of sealant on the wood on the porch. I pushed the door open with ease and made quick work of clearing each room.

Two bedrooms, three closets, one bath, a living room with a small fireplace, a surprisingly spacious and updated kitchen, dining room, and a small laundry room. There was another, bigger porch at the back which was enclosed with screens and covered as well. After determining that there was no one else in the house, I went back over each room more critically, making sure I wasn’t missing anything.

“The lights and water work,” I informed Nat after testing all the switches and taps, “It just looks like…a regular house.”

“Yeah?” She responded, something hidden in her voice, but I was too busying admiring the fireplace to register it.

The entire place seemed so cozy, decorated in shades of greys and blues that looked nice against the light wood that the cabin was built out of. The fireplace had bookshelves on either sides of it that extended the entire wall. The ceiling was so high that I couldn’t reach the top shelf, but they were empty. The master bedroom had a king sized bed with a beautiful wooden frame. There wasn’t a tv in the living room, but there was one in the bedroom, though it wasn’t connected.

The kitchen was a dream and had a window over the large sink that overlooked a small patch of flowers. I suddenly started to feel a little weirded out as I slowly stopped looking for signs of Hydra and instead just appreciated this little cabin. A pang of envy brought me back to reality.

“Nat, I think this is just someone’s vacation home or something,” I huffed.

“Maybe our intel was wrong,” She mused, “What do you think of the place?”

I squinted my eyes at her question, “What do you mean? I mean…it’s nice?”

“Just nice?” I could hear the amusement in her tone.

I huffed again, this time a bit more bitterly, “Okay fine. It’s amazing, literally my dream home other than the fact that our intel says it’s a Hydra base. I’m coming back, there’s nothing here.”

“Check out the shed in the back,” She responded.

“There was no shed.”

“Yes there is.”

“I wouldn’t have missed a shed,” I grumbled, sliding a hand down my face.

“Just check it!”

I threw back my head with a sigh. I just wanted to get back to the Tower and cuddle with Bucky. We had planned on having a classic movie night tonight, just the two of us in his room. My fingers absentmindedly toyed with his dog tags which were hanging on my neck as I thought of him. It wasn’t long after we all left Wakanda and I was struggling to cope with everything when he gave them to me to wear.

_“These remind me that I’m no longer the same version of Bucky I was back then, but I’ve learned that it’s not a bad thing. Just like you may not be the same version of Kira as you were before and it may be hard to come to terms with, but I’ll always be here for you Doll. I love you no matter what version you are. And plus, now everyone will know that you’re my girl.”_

I smiled as I still remember that smug grin he had when he first put the tags over my head. Eager to be done, I quickly walked through the back door and made my way across the porch.

“You like it?” A familiar voice asked and I let out a shriek, whirling around to aim my gun at him. I exhaled and rolled my eyes as he held up his hands in surrender from a rocking chair in the corner.

“Asshole,” I remarked, putting my gun away, “What the hell are you doing here, Buck?”

What shocked me even more was that he was in plain clothes, a pair of jeans and a red Henley with his hair tied back in a low bun. He stood up with a grin, walking over to grip my hips and press his lips onto mine. I hummed out a content sigh as I moved my lips against his, placing my palms onto his chest.

“You never answered my question, Doll,” He smirked as he leaned back.

I arched an eyebrow, “You never answered mine.”

“Just so you know, this was all his idea,” Nat chimed in from the com.

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, “There was no recon mission was there?”

“Nope,” She answered at the same time Bucky shook his head with his smile growing.

I took out the com from my ear, turning it off and placing it into my pocket, looking at Bucky expectantly.

“Care to explain?”

He licked his lips and suddenly looked a bit nervous, “Well…a few months after Wakanda, I started looking for a place…for us. Eventually I enlisted the help of Steve and, reluctantly, Tony. We ended up finding this, but it was a major fixer-upper so Steve and I would fly out here when you were on missions to work on it.”

My mouth had dropped open as he talked and I could feel tears brimming my eyes. _That’s way it felt so weird, it’s decorated and fixed up just like I would have done it._

“This is ours?” I squeaked out, looking back through the open doorway to the inside.

He nodded, taking my hand and leading me back into the living room, “If you want it to be.”

He looked me in the eyes hopefully and I smiled, lightly shaking my head at the surprise of it all, “Of course. This is…perfect. God, I love you.”

I launched myself at him, wrapping my arms and legs around him as he chuckled and easily caught me. He spun around while tickling my sides, making me giggle.

…

I moaned loudly, pushing my hips back to press against his tongue as he licked through my dripping folds. I was currently naked, panting, and on all fours on the couch in our living room with my head against the cushions. He groped the flesh of my ass and groaned at the taste of me. His beard scratched deliciously against my smooth skin as he lapped up my juices. His tongue drug upwards, teasing the rim of my puckered hole as a thick metal finger plunged into my cunt, making me gasp in pleasure as my walls greedily gripped onto it.

“Bucky,” I moaned, but the rest of my plea caught in my throat as a second finger joined the first, curling expertly against my G-spot. I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood as I whined.

“What do you need, baby?” He detached his lips from my ass to coo smugly, “Use your words, Doll.”

“Your cock,” I gasped out as he picked up the pace with his fingers, “I need your cock, Sergeant. Wanna ride it.”

He groaned deeply and I suppressed another whine when he retracted his fingers from my wetness. I sat up on my knees, turning around just in time to see him shed his boxers, his thick length slapping against his toned stomach. I licked my lips as I spied the leaking red tip as a new batch of arousal pooled in my core. He sat down on the couch, staring at me intently with lust-filled eyes as I quickly straddled him.

I curled my fingers around him, earning a hiss from his lips, and pumped him a few times before lining him up. He grasped my hips tightly as I lowered, impaling myself on his cock. We both groaned as my wet walls stretched around his pulsing length, his breath hitching every time I clenched around him. My mouth hung open in a silent cry as his tip grazed over my G-spot slowly and continuing until I took him all in.

“Fuck,” He growled, “Always so tight for me.”

I took a moment to adjust before moving. I raised and lowered myself onto him, grinding my hips against his pubic bone slowly at first, taking the time to attach my lips to his, our tongues dancing together. He maintained his grip on my hips and guided my movements as my fingers tangled themselves in his hair. We swallowed each others moans as my pace picked up, my movements becoming more desperate. His hips snapped upwards, to met my movements, causing me to cry out in pleasure.

“That’s it,” He trailed his lips down my neck, sucking new marks, “Fuck yourself on my cock, Doll. It’s all yours. Just like I own this sweet, little cunt.”

He punctuated his words with sharp thrusts that knocked my breath out of my lungs. I could feel myself starting to tighten around his hard cock as the coil in my core started to tighten. My pace began to falter as I clenched my hands in his hair, pulling a sinful moan from his lips.

He picked up the slack, now using his grip on my hips to brutally fuck me up and down on my cock, thrusting into me so deeply, I started to see stars.

“I-I’m close, so close,” I heard myself say breathlessly.

He grunted, looking me straight in the eyes with a gaze full of lust and love, “I’m right there with ya, Sweetheart. Cum…ah, cum on my cock.”

I gasped and my eyes widened as the coil snapped, sending me over the edge as my pussy clamped down rhythmically around him, greedily sucking him in. Waves of pleasure washed over me as my hands gripped his shoulders while my body spasmed and tensed. At its peak, I screamed out as a flash of white filled my vision.

He continued to thrust into me until I felt his cock twitch inside of me and his arms wrapped around my waist as he filled me to the brim. Ropes of his cum spurted inside of me as he rutted into me, grunting and cursing softly.

I leaned my head against his shoulder as we both rode out our highs, mumbling sweet nothings and “I love you” ‘s to each other. His cock soon softened inside of me, but neither of us made a move to change position. Soon, I lifted my head up to lazily press my lips against his.

I leaned back with a satisfied smile, “So that’s the bed and the couch. What next?”

A chuckle rumbled in his chest as he looked at me with a goofy smile, “You know, when I told you I planned to fuck you on every surface in the house, I didn’t mean all in the first day we moved in.”

I giggled slightly, looking around us at the piled of boxes on the floor that contained our things. Most of them had my handwriting on it, labeling the contents inside as Bucky soon gave up helping me pack after I reprimanded him over his haphazard style of organizing. _I mean, who puts the bathroom soap dispenser and toothbrush holder in with the kitchen cleaning supplies?_

I met his eyes again with a cheeky grin, “I mean, if you’re not up for the task Sarg…”

I trailed off, my grin growing as I felt him harden again inside me.

“Oh, I’m up for it Doll,” He growled as a wicked grin grew on his lips.

…

“Tony, for the last time, we don’t need Friday out here,” I chuckled as I set the last plate into the sink and wiped my hands with a kitchen towel before turning back to him.

He sighed exasperatedly, “Fine, fine. If you’re happy living the Amish lifestyle, who am I to stop you?”

I rolled my eyes, “Last time I checked, the Amish don’t have Netflix.”

He grumbled, but followed me as I left the kitchen to join the others in the dining room. Bucky was still sitting at the table, talking about the security system Tony put in with Steve, while Nat polished off her glass of wine.

“Alright kiddos,” Tony clapped his hands together, “It was fun, but it’s time to get back into the 21st Century.”

“I dunno,” Sam stated as he returned from the bathroom, “I’m kinda digging it here.”

“No birds allowed,” Bucky replied as both him and Steve stood up.

Nat wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we all walked to the front door. Her other hand grasped a bag of leftovers to give to Clint as he couldn’t make it.

“Come on man,” Sam continued on with a grin, playfully shoving Bucky’s shoulder, “We can be like sister wives, but the guy version….brother husbands!”

Nat and I both cackled at the sheer look of disgust on Bucky’s face. I think Sam secretly missed being able to pester him every day, because he was enjoying getting under Bucky’s skin the whole meal. I also think that Bucky secretly missed it as well, because he took it all in stride and maintained a feigned annoyed expression.

“I’m proud of you,” Nat said suddenly when we stood on the front porch, watching the boys fawn over the engine of Bucky’s old four-by-four truck he was actively fixing up. Tony had graciously given us a spare, smaller quintjet that we kept covered on the back of our land for transportation, but it was a little too much for the small town that was nearest to us. At the front of our property, there was a dirt road that lead to a gravel one, which lead to a main road.

I looked at her surprised, “What for?”

She shrugged, gesturing around us, “This. You’ve come so far…you both have. Now you have yourself a little slice of life.”

We smiled at each other and laughed when Bucky slapped Sam’s hand away from the engine while still talking to Steve. Eventually, we all said our goodbyes and the quinjet took off, while Bucky and I held hands and waved at them.

He turned to me with a glint in his eye, telling me that he was up to something.

“Yes?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his waist and looking up at him.

“I think the ducklings hatched,” He smirked at the way my eyes lit up.

I leaned back, “How do you know?”

He shrugged, “I ran by the pond on my morning jog and some of the eggs were starting to crack.”

Another thing I love about our land is that it had a pond. Though it was a little smaller than the one from my childhood, it was still the perfect spot to sit down and draw or simply think. Bucky built me a bench with the perfect view. We spotted the mother duck sitting over her eggs a few weeks ago by the pond and I was so excited to see the little babies.

I squealed in delight and grabbed his hand, dragging him along as I quickly walked towards the pond. He chuckled in response and stopped long enough to offer me a piggy back ride, which I gratefully took. With his hands gripping the back of my knees, my dress drew upwards, but I didn’t care. It was just me and him.

I gripped his shoulders and craned my head towards where we saw the nest as we neared the pond. However, he walked over to the bench instead, setting me down gently. I frowned, thinking that we could have gotten closer, but I squinted towards the nest anyways. The mother duck was walking around the nest, but I could still see the eggs intact inside of it.

I turned back to Bucky, slightly disappointed, but froze at the sight before me.

He was down on one knee, holding a velvet box which opened to reveal a simple, but beautiful diamond ring. I quickly covered my mouth with my hands, trembling with a surge of emotions.

“Kira,” He cleared his throat, gazing up at me like I was the only being in the world, “When I first saw you at the Tower, I knew…somehow, some way we were connected. When you first recognized me as the Soldier, I was terrified of what I may have done to you,” He shook his head, cringing at the thought, “But as I got to know you, I realized why the Soldier never hurt you.”

My tears were flowing freely now, but I tilted my head to the side at his statement.

“All of my versions love you. If I had met you back in the days before the war, I would be head over heels for you. Even if the Soldier didn’t understand it, or couldn’t feel it, he was helpless in caring for you. And now, the Bucky I am today, is hopelessly in love with you. I never thought much about my future before I met you, but now I can’t think of a future without you.”

“Will you marry me, Doll?” He asked finally, tears brimming his eyes.

I nodded and squeaked out, “Yes!”

With slightly shaking hands, he placed the ring on my finger and a tackled him to the ground in a hug, placing kisses all over his face as we both laughed and cried.

I couldn’t wait to see what the future held for us, what adventures we would go on. Together, we’ll make memories, good ones and bad ones, but I will choose to keep them all.

To complete our story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all so much for sticking with me through this story! 
> 
> Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is my very first time posting on this site, I would really appreciate any comments or suggestions you may have!


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